How To Help A Stressed Or Depressed Loved One

Having lived with a depressed partner for 3 years and suffered anxiety and depression for 5 years, I've experienced both sides. In this article, I'll show you exactly what you can do - and, what you shouldn't do - to help your loved one.

1. Please, however frustrated you feel, please never say to a depressed or stressed person: "Come on, snap out of it. What have you got to be worried or sad about anyway. People have it much worse than you." Please understand that these illnesses cannot be "snapped out of." You wouldn't say this to someone with high blood pressure or pneumonia because you know it isn't that simple. Stress, depression and anxiety are real illnesses that have specific causes. Asking someone to snap out of it makes that person feel inadequate or that they're doing something wrong. Absolutely not so. Comparing their circumstances to people who are suffering greater hardship is no use either. I couldn't have given two hoots about other people when I was ill because their circumstances meant nothing to me. I was struggling to solve my own problems and couldn't see anything else. Knowing that others are starving, are terminally ill, or suffer in squalor didn't matter a jot because they didn't make my problems go away. One more thing about such statements: they confront the sufferer with their illness and they put pressure on them. This will cause sufferers to retreat further and further into their own world. Better is to offer love and support: "I'm always here if you need me or want to talk." And 3 little words can mean so much: "I love you." I didn't hear them for 3 years and believe me, I missed them so very much.

2. As a loved one, it is totally natural to want to understand what is happening. Many loved ones conduct research into these illnesses to develop understanding. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever. However, a problem can arise if you start to impose your knowledge on the sufferer. This happens when you observe certain behaviors and habits performed by sufferers and comment on why they are behaving in such a way. For example, you hear a sufferer put themselves down, so you say "That's a part of your illness. I've been reading about it and self-deprecation is one of the reasons why people become depressed. You need to stop putting yourself down." Again, this is confrontational and puts the sufferer under pressure. All they'll do is dismiss your comments and clam up whenever you're around as they'll feel they're being scrutinised. A better way is to challenge them very gently by reminding them of a time when they did something good. For example, you hear a sufferer say: "I'm useless, I never get anything right." You can say "Sure you do, hey, remember the time when you...". Do you see the difference in approach? The first is more like a doctor assessing a patient, the second is just a normal, natural conversation and doesn't mention stress, depression or anxiety. This is very, very helpful as it shifts focus from a bad event: "I'm useless..." to a good one: "remember when.." without exerting pressure.

3. Finally, you may find a resource - a book, a video, a supplement etc. - that you think will help someone to beat their illness. Perfectly natural. But there's a problem. It confronts the sufferer with their illness and puts them under pressure to do something about it. The result of this will be resentment followed by retreat into their own world. Isolation is a part of these illnesses. Sometimes, you just can't bear to be around people. My ex-partner used to sleep in a dark room for an entire weekend because she just couldn't handle anyone being around her. "I bore people, I've nothing to say of interest and I don't want anyone asking me how I'm feeling. I just want to be on my own." I know, it cuts you to ribbons when you hear such words from someone you care deeply about. But please, you must resist the urge to DIRECTLY give them a resource you think will help them. For someone to emerge from these illnesses, they have to make the decision themselves. A direct offer will more often than not be refused. So, if you find something you think will help, leave it lying around somewhere your loved one will find it. The idea here is for them to CHOOSE by themselves to investigate further. Such an INDIRECT approach is more effective because once again, there is no pressure, no reminder, no confrontation. It is the sufferer who takes a willing first step towards recovery.

It is so hard to understand and reach loved ones when they're caught up in these illnesses but please believe me, these ideas are very effective and they will help.

See you next time.

Looking to beat stress, anxiety or depression QUICKLY? "Conquering Stress" reveals the powerful, effective secrets so you can beat these illnesses once and for all DRUG FREE! Click Here==>http://www.conqueringstress.com

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


How to Overcome Anxiety and Take Repossession of Your Life!

Katie came as close as is possible to having it... Read More

Quick Steps To Improve Your Mood

Looking to improve your mood?Edward W. Smith, motivational speaker, author... Read More

Manic Depressive Episodes And Scientology

Scientologists believe that chemical imbalances do not exist. In their... Read More

Depression: 14 Universal Laws for Recovery

The Law of BlueJust sort of feeling blue, kinda out... Read More

Get Rid Of Depression Once And For All

Depression is something that will occur in many people's lives,... Read More

Vagus Nerve Stimulation as a Treatment for Depression to be Launched in May

Final FDA approval of vagus nerve stimulation as a therapy... Read More

Natural Treatment for Depression - Is There An Alternative?

Many people who are suffering from mild to moderate depression,... Read More

Natural Remedies For Depression

It is true that forms of depression cannot be avoided,... Read More

Turn Depression into Joy

Depression is the most prevalent disease of our time. Under... Read More

Depression is the Number One Cause of Disability in the United States

According to the World Health Organization, 4 of the 10... Read More

What is Neurotransmitter Deficiency Disorder and How Can It Cause Depression, Anxiety, and...

Neurotransmitters (NTs) are essential chemical messengers that regulate brain, muscle,... Read More

Major Depression and Its Serious Complications

When suffering from clinical depression, people have different ways of... Read More

Depression Series: Why Don?t I Respond to Medications? (Part 1)

Maria has been feeling depressed for at least two and... Read More

How Do You Know if You Have Manic-Depression

Nancy was doing very well until about two years ago... Read More

5 Way Tips To Manage Depression

Being lonely is a normal share of our everyday lives.... Read More

What?s Causing My Depression and Fatigue?

Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Depression are absolutely systemic in our... Read More

Recognizing Depression

Depression is a serious issue. There are simply hundreds of... Read More

10 Simple Coping Strategies When a Family Member Has Clinical Depression

1.Remember that it is an illness:Clinical depression often requires medical... Read More

More Than You Can Handle?

There's a dangerous illness afflicting women everywhere across the nation.... Read More

Senate Finance Committee Delays FDA Approval of Vagus Nerve Stimulation Therapy for Depression

On June 15th, 2004, FDA's Medical Devices Panel recommended that... Read More

Depression Series (Part 2): My Antidepressant Doesn?t Work - What Can My Psychiatrist Do?

Maria has been increasingly depressed for the past few years.... Read More

When Your Mind Develops A Mind Of Its Own

We've all been there? One minute your listening intently as... Read More

Fighting Depression by Restoring Your Routines

When we have depression, one of the things we drop... Read More

Depression: Escape Your Mental Prison

There is an illness all around me in modern society... Read More

Aspartame and Your Mental Health

In 1965, a chemist working to develop an ulcer drug... Read More

5 Surefire Tips to Beat Depression Now

Being lonely is a normal part of our everyday lives...... Read More

Mood Disorders And Depression

We all suffer with bad moods from time to time.... Read More

Major Symposium About Vagus Nerve Stimulation & Depression at the American Psychiatric Association

A major symposium about vagus nerve stimulation as a treatment... Read More

Depression Keeps 19 Million Adults From Being Productive

Approximately 19 million American adult workers allow depression to limit... Read More

Do You Think You Have Depression?

Do you have days where nothing can make you happy?... Read More

What?s The Latest on Suicide Risk and Antidepressants For Children?

FDA confirms some antidepressants increase suicide risk in some children.... Read More

Antidepressants: Control or Cure?

What's curious is that most of them will be on... Read More

What About Drugs for Anxiety and Depression?

As a counselor, I am often asked, "Can drugs be... Read More