Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1)

He's been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.

I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance.

He was that slithery dude in the Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite of the apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."

Even in caveman days, the public nuisance was the one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"

He is the opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesar the Coliseum should be built on the west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on the west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build the Coliseum on the west side of town? No-o."

"So...that's why the lions are drooling on the other side of that door?"

"Ah...well, yes, actually."

The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining about the weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."

"What's wrong with the weather?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in the fields. It gets dry when the crops need rain. And did you see how the wind blew the other night..."

The public nuisance has been with us throughout the ages, playing music too loud in public places.

"What's that racket?"

"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."

"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"

"But what can I do?"

"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "

But, like all good things, even the public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services to the population. Machines supply all the disturbance we could possibly desire.

Automation of the public nuisance was inevitable. As cities expanded, it was getting harder and harder for the public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to the entire population.

It was also very inefficient to have individual public nuisances repeating the same tasks in each part of town.

And then there was the issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all the public nuisances were serving the community to the same standards? Who would ensure accountability and integrity? Some public nuisances have been known to take payola.

"Hey. You. What's that stench?"

"I'm just cracking a few eggs to throw at your house."

"Why at my house? What did I do?"

"Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I figured you would be most willing to provide me an incentive to throw them somewhere else."

"What!? This is extortion!"

"Yes."

"I see. Well, Smithers down the road has been way too uppity this week, so here's a little something to go be a his public nuisance tonight."

"Thank you, Sir. It's been a pleasure disturbing you."

I was stumped. I really had no idea how to end this column. "Maybe the public nuisance should be a she," I mused

"Why a she?" my wife asked.

"Because people complain if I just assume my characters are "he". The trouble is, whenever I make them "she", somebody wants to know why I'm picking on women."

"They would if you make the public nuisance a woman," my wife observed.

"Are you saying women are never nuisances?"

"Everybody knows that you men cause all the public disturbances," my wife poked me.

"That's because men get bored you women try on more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We are just trying to keep things interesting"

"Men have such a short attention span..."

Suddenly I knew how to end the column: In our household, we have no need for a public nuisance ? automated or manual. We each have our own private nuisance, whom we love very much.

"That's no way to end a column," my private nuisance insisted. "Why not tell them about how you would get rid of public nuisances once and for all?"

"Shhh. Don't tell them. That's next week's column."

About The Author

David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/writer.html

And an SEO consultant: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/seo-consultant.html

He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X

Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html

Info@thehappyguy.com

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


What in the World is Life Coaching?

In my speaking engagements I have often compared coaching today... Read More

Mindfulness and Multiple Intelligences: 8 Ways to Pay Attention

How are you smart?Let me count the ways.Harvard professor Howard... Read More

Do You Trust Your Mentor(s)?

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it,... Read More

Buyer Beware: Choose A Business Coach Carefully To Get The Results You Want

Consider this scenario. A colleague suggests you get a business... Read More

Receiving Thanks and Praise - The View from the Other Side

We demand more from those who provide to us and... Read More

An Easy Way to End The Year

As a healthy business owner or independent professional, how do... Read More

4 Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than Ever

Many people, particularly students, would love to be able to... Read More

Drop and Gimme Ten!

Every one of us have dreams, desires and goals that... Read More

Business Coaching - Ten Ways of Dealing with Mistakes You Made

You can either choose to dwell on what happened and... Read More

Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind?

Updating my will has been on my mind for quite... Read More

The Power of Effective Coaching Skills

The most valuable assets of a 20th century company were... Read More

7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life

Taking control of your life is getting in touch with... Read More

Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically

1. Know your purposeAre you wandering through life with little... Read More

Moment of Magic

Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but... Read More

Living In The Now

I hope you are sitting down as you read this!... Read More

Loving Every Phenomenal Part of You

Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring... Read More

Learning To Recognize Your Ego

What is an ego? Well, in case you didn't know... Read More

What is Life Coaching?

An recent article in Money Magazine said that "A coach... Read More

Throw a No-Heat Party for the Planet

Is it really possible to have loads of fun, and... Read More

Sheep Do Not Start Out Lost

Have you ever thought about how sheep get lost? Even... Read More

Dealing Effectively with Midlife Issues

In this article we would like to help you explore... Read More

Why Things Are The Way They Are

Things are the way you think they are, because you... Read More

So Why Are They Really Here?

It does make you wonder sometimes, doesn't it? You know... Read More

How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos

As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation... Read More

Recreating Yourself

So it's time for a change. You've taken that hard... Read More

Make Progress Now: Take the Hand Brakes Off Your Life!

Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making... Read More

A Small Piece Of Carpet

Have you ever noticed how the way you feel about... Read More

How to Deal Effectively with Anxiety

Every human feels anxiety on occasion; it is a part... Read More

A Perrverse Confidante

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 15,... Read More

How To Gain Control Of Your Life

"The latter part of a wise man's life," said Jonathan... Read More

How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer ? Part A for Attitude!

My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years... Read More

How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger

Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son... Read More

Making Changes in Your Personal Life

Making changes in your personal life can be a tough... Read More