He's been around since the dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than the world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.
I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance.
He was that slithery dude in the Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite of the apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."
Even in caveman days, the public nuisance was the one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"
He is the opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesar the Coliseum should be built on the west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on the west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build the Coliseum on the west side of town? No-o."
"So...that's why the lions are drooling on the other side of that door?"
"Ah...well, yes, actually."
The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining about the weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."
"What's wrong with the weather?"
"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in the fields. It gets dry when the crops need rain. And did you see how the wind blew the other night..."
The public nuisance has been with us throughout the ages, playing music too loud in public places.
"What's that racket?"
"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."
"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"
"But what can I do?"
"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "
But, like all good things, even the public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services to the population. Machines supply all the disturbance we could possibly desire.
Automation of the public nuisance was inevitable. As cities expanded, it was getting harder and harder for the public nuisance to be everywhere at once and provide adequate disturbance to the entire population.
It was also very inefficient to have individual public nuisances repeating the same tasks in each part of town.
And then there was the issue of quality control. Who would ensure that all the public nuisances were serving the community to the same standards? Who would ensure accountability and integrity? Some public nuisances have been known to take payola.
"Hey. You. What's that stench?"
"I'm just cracking a few eggs to throw at your house."
"Why at my house? What did I do?"
"Nothing. But you have a fancy house and I figured you would be most willing to provide me an incentive to throw them somewhere else."
"What!? This is extortion!"
"Yes."
"I see. Well, Smithers down the road has been way too uppity this week, so here's a little something to go be a his public nuisance tonight."
"Thank you, Sir. It's been a pleasure disturbing you."
I was stumped. I really had no idea how to end this column. "Maybe the public nuisance should be a she," I mused
"Why a she?" my wife asked.
"Because people complain if I just assume my characters are "he". The trouble is, whenever I make them "she", somebody wants to know why I'm picking on women."
"They would if you make the public nuisance a woman," my wife observed.
"Are you saying women are never nuisances?"
"Everybody knows that you men cause all the public disturbances," my wife poked me.
"That's because men get bored you women try on more clothes and more clothes and more clothes. We are just trying to keep things interesting"
"Men have such a short attention span..."
Suddenly I knew how to end the column: In our household, we have no need for a public nuisance ? automated or manual. We each have our own private nuisance, whom we love very much.
"That's no way to end a column," my private nuisance insisted. "Why not tell them about how you would get rid of public nuisances once and for all?"
"Shhh. Don't tell them. That's next week's column."
About The Author
David Leonhardt is a freelance writer: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/writer.html
And an SEO consultant: http://www.seo-writer.net/freelance/seo-consultant.html
He is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-17826-X
Read more personal growth articles: http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html
"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee... Read More
Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf... Read More
As a healthy business owner or independent professional, how do... Read More
Each and every day as we are building our businesses,... Read More
WORDS THAT INSPIREA monthly quick shot to motivate you, in... Read More
What does this word really mean anyway? According to Webster's... Read More
Last month I was invited to participate in a charity... Read More
How would you like to get along even better with... Read More
No matter how wonderful you are sometimes other people will... Read More
Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring... Read More
Most types of psychotherapy involve exploring feelings, being validated, finding... Read More
Let me quote something you wrote. "When you reach the... Read More
I always do a lot of thinking about good intentions... Read More
If you are wondering whether investment in executive coaching would... Read More
Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable... Read More
Anybody who has visited my website at Motivation & Self... Read More
Coaching employees on sensitive and personal topics like performance or... Read More
I have been a member of a group called the... Read More
Coaching is a hot trend at a growing number of... Read More
An Age-Old QuestionSearching for more meaning in our lives has... Read More
Back in the 1920's when Polish-American entrepreneur Leo Gerstenzang invented... Read More
A few weeks ago at a "Leadership from the Ground... Read More
Why are you so busy? Do you really have too... Read More
When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too... Read More
"Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything... Read More
A career coach or mentor is a person who can... Read More
"There is a certain combination of desire and discipline in... Read More
When I was first introduced to the profession of personal... Read More
My work in organizations involves dropping habitual ways of perceiving... Read More
With the growing number of expert business people, consultants and... Read More
Quite often I am in contact with people who discuss... Read More
Many people think of coaching solely as a management technique.... Read More
For a self help book to work, we have to... Read More
More and more people have less and less time, but... Read More
Many moons ago. Talking to people was something I avoided... Read More
My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to... Read More
Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in... Read More
Coaching employees on sensitive and personal topics like performance or... Read More
Seems like a gal always learns something out on the... Read More
Have you ever wished yourself away? I am not referring... Read More
It takes less effort to keep an existing customer than... Read More
"Joan, I'm working so hard and I'm not getting anything... Read More
Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make... Read More
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so... Read More
In our daily lives as well as in our businesses,... Read More
Did you know that the area that you call your... Read More
One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills... Read More
When Zack and Tiffany started counseling with me, they were... Read More
Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference... Read More
Of the 60,000 people who lived to be over 100... Read More
You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a... Read More
Feeling disappointed? It's time to float.The time-honored approach to disappointment... Read More
I'm calling you out. Issuing a Challenge. Relax, It's not... Read More
The other day I was late for something. Not very... Read More
It never ceases to amaze me that every time I... Read More
What Is Your Definition of Success?If you want to create... Read More
How would you like to get along even better with... Read More
I wrote you about four years ago, when my eight... Read More
Would you agree that today most of us have the... Read More
I know you probably have heard of the movie, "The... Read More
Perhaps no one better than a former U.S. president has... Read More
Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having... Read More
Personal missions statements (PMS) are just nothing but the winning... Read More
"Happiness is not a matter of good fortune or worldly... Read More
Every 12 months, as the New-Year rolls around, we all... Read More
Dogs distrust hot air balloons. I gathered this tidbit as... Read More
Coaching |