Self Esteem

Self-esteem is very important. It is the way we view and feel about ourselves that has a profound effect on how we live our lives. These opinions are shaped by experiences within the family, at school, from friendships and in wider society. Self-esteem involves our ability to think, to deal with life and to be happy. Self-esteem is not so much how people view you, but how you view yourself.

From infancy we look for encouragement and approval. Yet our culture does not readily give this. Parents can be tough taskmasters in seeking the best for their children. Young people have a tendency to be intolerant or indifferent and often mock their peers who are clever or hard working. There is a constant bombardment of messages telling us we should be young, slim, beautiful, fashionably dressed, have a lover and money to spend. Even when we have pride in our ability and pride in ourselves, this can be regarded as being arrogant, boastful or conceited.

Rejection or loss at any age is likely to undermine self-esteem. Events like parents separating, an unsuccessful business deal, having an accident, a burglary or coping with a death are likely to provoke feelings of loss and threat. For some this is temporary, whilst for others the effects are longer-lasting.

On the other hand success is a great ego booster, and academic achievement can be an obvious signal of success. However a competitive environment can easily lead to self-doubt and insecurity. You may even feel that other people over-estimate your ability and this burden of expectation can lead to a sense of failure and impossibility.

However, what we feel about ourselves is not based solely on what we do. It usually involves our relationships with others and whether we feel worthwhile as people. We have a basic human need to be wanted, noticed, and included. We want to contribute, to be of value, and make a difference - in other words, to matter.

Our self-esteem will continually fluctuate and is affected by events and encounters with other people. We are also constantly judging and evaluating ourselves, often in comparison with others. Observing ourselves in relation to other people can be a helpful source of learning and feedback. Yet all too often comparison slips into competition and others become a yardstick by which we evaluate ourselves as good or bad, competent or inadequate.

The reality is we are all different. Each of us has strengths and limitations which we need to learn about and learn to live with. There are aspects of our behaviour and appearance we may seek to change or develop, but a sense of self is also based on self-awareness and self-acceptance.

Change is not easy. It means stepping into the unknown and taking a risk. Inevitably this means that some initiatives you take will work well, whilst others don't work out as you hoped. You can help yourself by being realistic in your choices and seeing each success as a step in the right direction. This is why realistic goal setting is important.

Mark Claridge specializes in teaching motivational and self-development skills. In his new FREE e-book "Mindset and Match" he covers amongst other subjects how having the correct mindset can bring you all you want out of life and is available at http://www.inthe6th.com.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Reach Your Goals - Throw A Success Shindig

Once you've made it...throw a Success Shindig! Of course you... Read More

Success Lessons From Three UK Soccer Managers - People Are Always Quick To Put You In A Coffin

Arsenal Football Club were the Champions of the Premier league... Read More

5 Master Qualities of Extraordinary Achievers

You can be a master achiever by developing the same... Read More

Set Yourself Up For Success

I receive several emails every week asking me about how... Read More

Facts About the Art of Influence

All of us could work on our skills in influencing... Read More

Think Yourself To Success

-- The One Pager Shortcut Series --What are the sharpest... Read More

The Characteristics of a Winner

As kind of a hobby I like to watch people.... Read More

The Formula For Failure and Success

(Excepted from the book The Five Major Pieces to the... Read More

How To Get As Lucky As J. Paul Getty

J. Paul Getty appeared to be incredibly lucky, but it... Read More

Plan to Succeed

Have you ever made plans in your career but never... Read More

Life Lesson--Be, Do, Have

This revelation hit me the other day while I was... Read More

Reaping the Fruit of Success in Life

One way to become more successful in your life is... Read More

Smile Your Way to Success

Smile brings beauty to your face, charm to your personality... Read More

Barriers to Prosperity

An odd but frequent barrier to prosperity is the belief... Read More

Nothing In-Between

Are you on the right track?Stop for a while, look... Read More

Seven Character Traits of Successful People

1. They are hard working. There is no such thing... Read More

Changing Your Luck

In this week's New Age Notebook, I am going to... Read More

The 5 Categories You Want To Succeed In

If it comes to the question what we really want... Read More

You are the President of Your Own Nation

Congratulations! You are the president of your own nation, and... Read More

Making a Favourable First Impression -- Seven Quick Tips

There's always a first time to meeting people. We want... Read More

Average Sucks!

The very first "motivational speaker" I heard as an adult... Read More

Identity Theft - Defining Who We Are

Identity theft!We've all seen them. The commercials use the voices... Read More

Staying Cool When the Job Heats Up

Jobs are heating up. We're all feeling the pinch of... Read More

Do You Need A Change Of Mind?

Napoleon Hill, the famous inspirational writer, once met a reader... Read More

If You Compare, Beware!

Picture this scene: Little Johnny's mother places a large piece... Read More

Communication and Communication Skills - Understanding Your Audience

Response means "to answer" and that idea, in its purest... Read More

Success Lessons from Baseball - Enthusiasm And Excitement Can Make The Difference

I remember, about 35 years ago, reading two books by... Read More

What Are the Nine Bodyparts of a Better Life?

Your Head, think about what you want and move towards... Read More

Reach Your Goals - Believe In Your Own Divine Nature

Believe in your own Divine nature Despite the varying religious... Read More

Success Secrets - What They Taught You About Success Back in 10th Grade

Let me say this to get it out of the... Read More

Personal Excellence: Whats Your Motivation? (Part 2 of 3)

The scene from "Biloxi Blues" where Matthew Broderick's character kept... Read More

The Secret Behind All Great Masterpieces: Lessons Learned!

The ten-year period which followed the stock market crash of... Read More

What We Can Do To Guarantee Our Own Success

There are so many internet marketing schemes out there so... Read More