Life Lesson--Be, Do, Have

This revelation hit me the other day while I was listening to a cassette on having financial balance in your life. On the tape, the author talked about a goal setting seminar he went to. The lesson he was revealing is that too often when we set goals, we are setting the "have" part of the equation, then "doing" the work of getting to the goal without ever making the effort to "be" anything.

If you're paying attention, there's a math lesson that translates to this message. Any math person will tell you that there is a definite order to life. A + B = C, and if you get it out of that order, even the simplest of ideas can become overwhelmingly confusing. So this equation must begin with "be" not "do" or "have."

For example, people set a goal of meeting the right person. That is the "have" that they want, so they begin "doing" the things the world says make sense to get to that goal. They go to bars, they go to church, they go to work, they go to parties, they go to school-all with the spoken or unspoken intention of acquiring what they do not have, a partner. Years ago they called the females with this mindset, "Mrs. Majors." They were not in college to get a degree; they were in college to get a husband.

In today's world some of these types-men and women-have the "have" and "do" parts down to a science. One manifestation of this is the book, "The Rules." This book purports to explain exactly what you have to "do" to get the goal of "having" a mate. The problem is that this is completely senseless when you understand the equation of "be-do-have."

When you truly get this life lesson, it will have a profound impact on every aspect of your life. No longer will you focus solely on the goal-now you will focus on who you must first become, and the attainment of the goals will follow.

I know, it sounds Pollyanna. It sounds so simple. But it's the simple-sounding things that are often the most difficult to actually do. I see this turmoil in teenagers a lot. They think that their identity is created by who they are with, what they wear, what their outward appearance is. The reality, however, is that identity is based on who you are.

That's why you hear of 10- and 20-year high school reunions in which the popular kids are now struggling and some of the most unpopular kids are now the successful adults. When you understand this equation, it makes perfect sense. Think about it. In high school, the "popular" kids already "have." They have the status, the good looks, the admiration of others. Why work for something you already have?

The unpopular kids on the other hand are forced to find their true identity not in the outer world, but in the inner world. So they work on themselves rather than on what the outside world says is important. Thus, 10 or 20 years down the road, they who have been forced to "be" are now "doing" and "having" in much greater proportion than those who "had" everything. To be sure, this is a vast generalization. There are popular kids who take time out to work on themselves and "become," and there are unpopular kids who want to "have" so badly that they contort who they are trying to fit in. The exceptions are there, but so is the rule.

You have to be before you can do, and you have to do before you can have. If you don't, nothing you ever get will be enough. And if you do, whatever you have will be plenty. With this in mind, find some time today to fit a little "being" time into your "to-do" list. It may just turn out to be the best time investment you could ever make.

Copyright Staci Stallings, 2002

Life can make sense again! Sign up for the monthly newsletter by Staci Stallings, the author of this article. Insights, quotes, inspiration and even a free novel by Staci sent two chapters at a time! To sign up, send a blank email to: newsletter@stacistallings.com You'll feel better for the experience!

---

How To Use The Past, Future, And Present In Attaining Success

Did you know that your past, present, and future can... Read More

Three Key Behaviors That Determine Our Success

Success is a journey and along the way we need... Read More

The Role of Failure in Success

Does the thought of failure send a cold shiver down... Read More

Surf the Wave of Abundance

Bank account bare? Bedroom barren? Body running on empty? Buddha... Read More

The Most Under Rated Method To Achieve Success!

The most under rated method to achieve success is: The... Read More

How To Begin Your Journey To Success

Becoming successful requires a lifestyle change. It requires that you... Read More

Great Century, by George

George Burns' career could have ended as early as 1958,... Read More

Overnight Success - the Truth is Revealed

Overnight success seems to be happening to a lot of... Read More

Reading For Success

We live in the information age, dominated by the development... Read More

Job and Life Rules to Follow

Decide which game to play. Is winning that... Read More

Success - Its Never Too Late

Ray Kroc, the founder of McDonalds, was over fifty when... Read More

Private Effort Means Success In Public

If we eat too much at home, the public eventually... Read More

The Fastest Way to Success

Your mind is the only tool that can create success... Read More

Self Esteem

Self-esteem is very important. It is the way we view... Read More

The 7 Keys To Astonishing Success

Here are seven essential keys to success. Use these ideas... Read More

Top Ten Ways To Create Positive Behavior Change

1. Open your mind to new ideas: Positive behavior change... Read More

Tools for Constructing the Road to Success

Too many times in the pursuit of our dreams, we... Read More

How To Acheive Your Full Potential

If you want to make more of your talents -... Read More

How The Right Questions Can Change Your Life

Your own pressing needs, your long-standing frustrations, would benefit tremendously... Read More

Creative Destruction

This past Memorial Day weekend I decided to revisit my... Read More

Hooray, You Failed!

So you vowed to make some changes - develop healthier... Read More

The DNA of Top Achievers

Of course by now we are all becoming aware of... Read More

Top 10 Miraculous Benefits of Keeping a Personal Journal

In earlier generations it was common to keep a diary... Read More

Personal Excellence: Whats Your Motivation? (Part 3 of 3)

After 13 years of being married to the same woman... Read More

Vision -- What Are You Doing Today Towards Achieving Your Vision?

Every man who accomplishes things sees first in his mind... Read More

Winning: Defining It - Achieving It

If you ask most people whether they would like to... Read More

How To Get As Lucky As J. Paul Getty

J. Paul Getty appeared to be incredibly lucky, but it... Read More

The Best Test

I spoke to a group of salespeople in Kansas City... Read More

Identity Theft - Defining Who We Are

Identity theft!We've all seen them. The commercials use the voices... Read More

Lessons from My Garden

What does "Lessons from My Garden" have to do with... Read More

3 Basic Steps to Success in Anything

Since belief always precedes action, simply changing your beliefs can... Read More

Modelling Your Way to Success

The fastest way to succeeding in anything, be it online... Read More

The Secret Weapons of Success

There are two things that will determine your success or... Read More