"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow."--Jerry Chin
Rain is vital to all life on earth, and is the main way that water from the sky fills our lakes and rivers, and provides nourishment and growth. Most of the time we do not look forward to the rain, but without it, we will most likely not be able to enjoy luscious fruits and vegetables, or experience the warm and moist feeling of green grass as it cushions our bare feet.
Interpersonal conflict is like a rain shower-a small local burst of rain that lasts a short time. Rain showers are usually of light to moderate intensity and likely to start and stop suddenly. You can predict when they occur by the rapid change in the sky's appearance as they approach. The same is true of most interpersonal conflict--those small micro-bursts of anger or disagreement that seem to flare up quickly and cease just as suddenly.
The aphorism rain on my parade reminds us of the unpleasantness of conflict. Yet, some unpleasant occurrences bring about better things. Conflict develops even among the finest of people. Whenever there is disagreement, a difference of opinion, a different approach, a departure from the way we do things around here, there is conflict. These little showers of light to moderate temper or anger are made to last just a short time. Yet, when we approach them the wrong way (and there is a wrong way), they can become full-blown conflict thunderstorms.
Unlike ordinary rain showers, thunderstorms are rain combined with wind and lightning. They form worldwide, spit out deadly lightning, band together to form hurricanes, and can spin up the world's fastest winds inside tornadoes. Been caught in any conflict thunderstorms lately?
THE REAL SECRET
While we cannot control or change others, we can take responsibility for our own actions, attitudes, and behavior. So how do we respond when people want to rain on our parades? Use The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A:
U = Understand. Make an attempt to understand as well as to be understood. Don't let the other person's difficult behavior preoccupy you; then you can deal with it directly.
M = Manage. Manage conflict while it is occurring. Look for the real issue which is usually found at the root of the problem. Don't allow yourself to be distracted by minor spats or side issues that distract and get in the way.
B = Breathe. Use a variety of stress-reducing strategies when you are in the midst of conflict. Try breathing slowly and deeply to regulate stress producing adrenalin. Take a break when conversations get heated, and above all, control your impulses.
R = Respond. Remain calm and act in a non-defensive and non-reactive way. The ability to be calm in the face of conflict will help you to think more clearly and carefully.
E = Embrace. Go directly to those with whom you disagree or have a conflict. Avoid behind-the-back criticism. If this fails, then ask an objective third-party to act as facilitator in resolving the conflict.
L = Listen. Be quick to listen and when listening do so carefully. Summarize and check out what is heard before responding. Be slow to judge, avoid name-calling, and threatening.
L = Learn. Examine key learnings from the conflict. Conflict, though painful, is necessary for growth and maturity. Ask yourself, "What can I learn here? Do I need to change my behavior or offer an apology?" Enter into each conflict situation with a learning mindset.
A = Accept. Conflict is a normal part of life, so accept that it will happen and most likely happen often. The people we find the most difficult are also those who offer the greatest opportunities for growth.
WHAT ABOUT COMMUNICATION?
Wherever conflict exists, no matter what its cause or reason, communication has played a key role. Poor communication has either initiated the conflict or kept it going. Good communication will lead to a mutually agreeable solution. It promotes a give-and-take open dialogue that focuses on the problem not the emotion.
We all have difficult people in our lives-you know, those folks of radically differing viewpoints who anger, exasperate, frustrate, and nearly drive us out of our minds! Difficult people tend to rain on our parades. Just when things are going well and we're marching in the success procession, a short but violent conflict shower or thunderstorm will often break out. An instinctive response is usually not the best one because we are caught unawares. So we reply back with a storm of our own, and before you know it, a deluge accompanied by hurricane force winds floods our relationships and ruins our parades.
IN THE END, YOU MATTER?
You are responsible for deciding how you will respond to conflict and difficult people. The U-M-B-R-E-L-L-A along with good communication will ensure that you don't get wet!
So, let it rain...It's Just a Parade!
Althea DeBrule is co-owner of RADSGroup Organizational Consultants, a Stamford, CT based firm that helps organizations to increase their effectiveness and individuals to maximize their professional and leadership potential. She has over 30 years demonstrated and celebrated leadership experience both domestically and internationally in human resources and executive development. Entrepreneur and seasoned executive, she has focused throughout her career on helping workers achieve their career goals. For information on how The RADSGroup can help you with your career needs, visit http://www.radsgroup.com/
The greatest deterrent to success in life is fear. It... Read More
Here are a few suggestions that I try to put... Read More
Success isn't all that it's cracked up to be... I'm... Read More
Want more success in your business or professional life? Here's... Read More
Let me say this to get it out of the... Read More
People often ask me how I became successful in that... Read More
This morning, on TV, I was amazed to see how... Read More
The 90/10 secret is incredible! Very few know and apply... Read More
What makes you unique? Answering this question will provide the... Read More
Everything we have in life is because of the help... Read More
The gambling instinct is in every man or woman. All... Read More
Our thought are magnetic ! Like a magnet we attract... Read More
I succeeded. I achieved my goal. I am successful. I... Read More
Let's set the scene. You're in a packed stadium. It's... Read More
The fastest way to succeeding in anything, be it online... Read More
I do! I want to be a millionaire! Do you?Judging... Read More
An unexamined life is not worth living ? SocratesAll too... Read More
Sugar Ray Leonard and Sylvester Stallone recently opened an academy... Read More
Mary and Susan were friends for years. They grew up... Read More
Did you see or hear about 'The Masters' golf tournament... Read More
Do you ever wonder how some people consistently get what... Read More
Back from my amazing summer excursion, a month long drive... Read More
Every single one of us is trying to reach success.... Read More
Do you know that there is a formula for attaining... Read More
Skills or beliefs; this may well be another example of... Read More
Don't expect results over night - what??If you were to... Read More
Following are a series of questions I needed to ask... Read More
Whenever we have a bad experience or we own up... Read More
Have you ever wondered if there was a way to... Read More
Remove these words from your vocabulary!The words "If only ?"... Read More
Do you know what the problem is with asking successful... Read More
It is high time you know the truth about yourselves.... Read More
A person who is illiterate can look at a word... Read More
If you are looking for a surefire strategy to ensure... Read More
Money will buy me a house, but not a home,... Read More
Being organised is a major step to success and the... Read More
Reggie Yates, a pop song presenter, was singing on 7th... Read More
Building wealth isn't something for the frightened, ignorant, and lost.... Read More
What would one initially think about someone who dropped out... Read More
Temp your way to the top Want to take the... Read More
As a child you probably learned failing is bad...Failing meant... Read More
"Things might have been worse"This is the most powerful, dynamic,... Read More
Sit up straight! You may recall hearing those words as... Read More
Far too many of us struggle through life despite more... Read More
"The mind grows by what it feeds on." J.... Read More
Much has been researched, written and taught about success. One... Read More
There is one big "secret" to success that can help... Read More
One of the questions that I am asked most often... Read More
Taking action is the strongest way to create success in... Read More
I've been coaching for a few years now, and the... Read More
"Write checks on a regular basis to those who you... Read More
Are there any universal laws that most successful people seem... Read More
Success isn't all that it's cracked up to be... I'm... Read More
Walt Disney coined a special phrase for persistence and determination;... Read More
How can anyone with the brain of a cockroach make... Read More
People say: "One can't help one's thoughts." But one can.... Read More
Being busy has become a way of life for many... Read More
Hey Future Millionaire,There's so much value in reading about the... Read More
"Fear Factor" is one of my favorite TV shows. It... Read More
So you've bought into the idea that you need to... Read More
Here are 3 powerful steps you can take to free... Read More
I spoke to a group of salespeople in Kansas City... Read More
One of the hallmarks of all successful and high achieving... Read More
You can achieve whatever you want by incorporating the following... Read More
"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my... Read More
Jim Rohn wrote in his book The Five Major Pieces... Read More
Success |