The Other F-Word Forgiveness

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk

I'd like to invite you to consider a powerful concept. This concept is essential--we must learn how to master it if we want to experience the levels of joy, happiness, love and prosperity that are our birthright. Many of us, however, resist this concept. We use it sparingly, if at all, and occasionally, we won't even consider it as an option. In fact, for many of us, this concept is so emotionally charged that I hesitate to even name it, because if I call it anything other than the "f-word" it could put our egos on high alert.

You see, in many cases, avoiding this concept is the ego's front line defense--an effort to protect us from experiencing pain. The ego believes that if we embraced the "f-word" we would be defenseless at best, and at worst, we would be destroyed completely. Of course, it doesn't help that most of us have a somewhat ego- and fear-based understanding of the "f-word" that makes it less than appealing. The truth is that embracing the "f-word" is the secret to experiencing genuine freedom in our lives.

So, what is the "f-word"? Forgiveness.

In order to improve our lives, our relationships, and our reality, we must learn and practice forgiveness. We must forgive freely, liberally, and often. We must forgive everything and everyone--especially the people we are the most reluctant to forgive. But let's take a few moments to consider the true nature of forgiveness.

Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a minister of Religious Science, suggested this take on the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness simply means to give as before. When we are angry with someone, when we harbor resentment towards someone, we have stopped giving to him or her. We no longer give that person our love or our compassion. They have betrayed us and caused us pain. And we know what happens anytime we have a painful experience, right? Our egos immediately create a new frame and a new belief in an effort to protect us from experiencing that pain again in the future.

Our egos are reluctant to accept the truth that sometimes unpleasant and painful experiences are unavoidable. Our egos need to believe that they can protect us. Our egos need a scapegoat--something (or someone) concrete that can be identified, isolated and avoided. Holding onto our anger and resentment keeps us separate from the person or persons who betrayed us. This, in turn, reinforces the illusion that we are separate from those individuals, and distances us from the truth that there is no separation: We are all aspects of All That Is. The less we remember the truth of who we are, the more our essential spiritual and life lessons seem to present challenges rather than opportunities. Everyone always does the best they can at any given time, and that's all we can ever expect.

It's worth noting that when we choose to hold a grudge and to remain angry, we carry the pain of the betrayal with us. We experience a small amount of pain each time we think of it. The ego actually wants us to experience this pain, because the little pain will serve to remind us how important it is to avoid the big pain. And the only way to avoid the big pain is to protect ourselves from close, supportive relationships with those who have hurt or betrayed us.

Frequently, the person that we most need to forgive is our self. We betray ourselves each time we listen to the ego and forget the truth of who we are. And the more we betray ourselves, the more our egos try to protect us (from ourselves, yet!) by strengthening the illusion of separation from the Source. And of course, the more we believe the illusion of separation, the more we betray ourselves, and experience pain. The way to break out of this vicious circle is to forgive ourselves--to "give as before." We must learn to express unconditional love and compassion for ourselves. As we experience this love and compassion, we will reconnect with our true selves. And the more we're able to forgive ourselves, the more we're able to forgive others.

Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Universal Thought Systems

The Mind in an Advanced Thought System:The center of our... Read More

Awakening from the Dream, Divine Source through Barbara Rose

Greetings my Dear Beloved SoulsWe have heard your cries, your... Read More

Solitons and Wavelets

Everything in the entire universe, big and small, visible and... Read More

Time for Healing

We have to go through some unfortunate experiences sometimes in... Read More

Wear the Message of Grace: A Work Weeks Devotions

As the artist and designer for Ashbach Designs, I want... Read More

Belief, Designed For Life!

Liam says to Joe; "where is your God now, when... Read More

Be Aware of the Supreme Deceiver (Part 2)

The truth revealed as we read about Hazael also reminds... Read More

How to be Led by the Spirit of God

The Bible tells us that we need to be led... Read More

10 Interesting Facts about Archangel Gabriel

1. Gabriel means: "God is my strength" or "God is... Read More

Abiding in the Word

How many Christian people do you know who are bearing... Read More

Humanity Needs Islam

The human nature means the soul and the body. A... Read More

Let Go Of My EgGO--Pride Cometh Before A Fall!

Years ago a commercial ran for eggo waffles. It showed... Read More

Honoring the Sacred in Everyday Life

How many of us rush blindly through our days, fall... Read More

Seven Soul-Nurturing Suggestions for Busy Women

Looking for some ways to feed your soul in the... Read More

Do You Experience God?

Connor, a man in his late 40's, has achieved everything... Read More

Accepting Non-Acceptance

It's not always easy to stand in the midst of... Read More

Well Being and Your Authentic Voice

In Corrogue I feel wonderful.As friends know I love singing.... Read More

Are You Facing Some Challenges?

Are you facing some challenges in your life right now?... Read More

Our God of More than Enough

There is no shortage in the abundance of blessings we... Read More

Kundalini and Going Where Were Supposed To Go

In the early 90's I had a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening... Read More

Making the Impossible Possible

"I learned I was not, as most Africans believed, the... Read More

A Walk With A King

I seemed to have lost my heart. Now this is... Read More

Importance and Necessity of Special Revelation - Part One

This article is a reply that deals with certain criticisms... Read More

Hard Times Can Be Your Best Time

Do you have a dream, but are waiting for "just... Read More

Where is Your Focus?

I have a long-term goal--a life-long goal really--to develop the... Read More

Lance Armstrong had it Right-- Every Second Does Counts!

I have been counseling people on weight loss, exercise efficiency... Read More

Meta-Rational Thought

We, the human species, stand on the threshold of a... Read More

New Age Spirituality

New Age Spirituality is all about getting back your power.... Read More

Spiritual Inspiration Music and The New Age

Spiritual Inspiration Music is about Love, Growth, Spiritual and Personal... Read More

Life as a Human/Medium/Psychic Being

We often forget that we are human beings first, and... Read More

How To Make Your Dreams Come True

You will become as great as your dominant aspiration...If you... Read More

Is America Losing Its Religion?

Has America known its finest hour? Are we losing our... Read More

Near Death Experiences: Is there a Logical Explanation?

In an edition of Reader's Digest, I stumbled upon a... Read More