The Other F-Word Forgiveness

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life by Kevin B. Burk

I'd like to invite you to consider a powerful concept. This concept is essential--we must learn how to master it if we want to experience the levels of joy, happiness, love and prosperity that are our birthright. Many of us, however, resist this concept. We use it sparingly, if at all, and occasionally, we won't even consider it as an option. In fact, for many of us, this concept is so emotionally charged that I hesitate to even name it, because if I call it anything other than the "f-word" it could put our egos on high alert.

You see, in many cases, avoiding this concept is the ego's front line defense--an effort to protect us from experiencing pain. The ego believes that if we embraced the "f-word" we would be defenseless at best, and at worst, we would be destroyed completely. Of course, it doesn't help that most of us have a somewhat ego- and fear-based understanding of the "f-word" that makes it less than appealing. The truth is that embracing the "f-word" is the secret to experiencing genuine freedom in our lives.

So, what is the "f-word"? Forgiveness.

In order to improve our lives, our relationships, and our reality, we must learn and practice forgiveness. We must forgive freely, liberally, and often. We must forgive everything and everyone--especially the people we are the most reluctant to forgive. But let's take a few moments to consider the true nature of forgiveness.

Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a minister of Religious Science, suggested this take on the nature of forgiveness. Forgiveness simply means to give as before. When we are angry with someone, when we harbor resentment towards someone, we have stopped giving to him or her. We no longer give that person our love or our compassion. They have betrayed us and caused us pain. And we know what happens anytime we have a painful experience, right? Our egos immediately create a new frame and a new belief in an effort to protect us from experiencing that pain again in the future.

Our egos are reluctant to accept the truth that sometimes unpleasant and painful experiences are unavoidable. Our egos need to believe that they can protect us. Our egos need a scapegoat--something (or someone) concrete that can be identified, isolated and avoided. Holding onto our anger and resentment keeps us separate from the person or persons who betrayed us. This, in turn, reinforces the illusion that we are separate from those individuals, and distances us from the truth that there is no separation: We are all aspects of All That Is. The less we remember the truth of who we are, the more our essential spiritual and life lessons seem to present challenges rather than opportunities. Everyone always does the best they can at any given time, and that's all we can ever expect.

It's worth noting that when we choose to hold a grudge and to remain angry, we carry the pain of the betrayal with us. We experience a small amount of pain each time we think of it. The ego actually wants us to experience this pain, because the little pain will serve to remind us how important it is to avoid the big pain. And the only way to avoid the big pain is to protect ourselves from close, supportive relationships with those who have hurt or betrayed us.

Frequently, the person that we most need to forgive is our self. We betray ourselves each time we listen to the ego and forget the truth of who we are. And the more we betray ourselves, the more our egos try to protect us (from ourselves, yet!) by strengthening the illusion of separation from the Source. And of course, the more we believe the illusion of separation, the more we betray ourselves, and experience pain. The way to break out of this vicious circle is to forgive ourselves--to "give as before." We must learn to express unconditional love and compassion for ourselves. As we experience this love and compassion, we will reconnect with our true selves. And the more we're able to forgive ourselves, the more we're able to forgive others.

Kevin B. Burk is the author of The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life. Visit http://www.everyrelationship.com for a FREE report on creating AMAZING Relationships.

---

Who Is He?

"What do you think about the Christ? Whose son is... Read More

The Flow Of Money

The more we worry about money, and who's asking for... Read More

Are you Bringing Light or Discord?

We are living in highly challenged times. Our mass consciousness... Read More

Actualizing Personal Truth

Self-actualization comes down to three basic premises: this is who... Read More

Run Forest Gump Run

In the movie "Forest Gump" we see Forest succeed in... Read More

God Lives and Heals Today

I have a confession.I used to have doubts about God's... Read More

The Power of Simplicity in Holistic Living

What does it take to live life holistically?It definitely does... Read More

Developing Your Intuition: Conscious Construction Using Cosmic 2 x 4?s

What's a cosmic 2 x 4 you ask? It's actually... Read More

Afraid Of Reading The Bible? I Was!

A magnificent source of life insurance and it's FREE. You... Read More

Where Do You Cast?

"Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for... Read More

Why Jesus?

There are many contradictions in life and none more easily... Read More

Ego - Why Do We Have One?

Why do we have an Ego?Almost all spiritual guides say... Read More

Living by Faith

Five verses specify that we are to live by faith.... Read More

Learning the Secret of Contentment (Part 2)

Paul's encouragement to the Philippians is also our encouragement. Consider... Read More

Sacred Space, Sacred Time

We all need space, we all need time to ourselves.In... Read More

Your Guide to the Archangels

An angel can be your best friend. Angels have been... Read More

Faith Building 101A

Let Your Family and Friends Know That You Are A... Read More

Choose Life or Death

No one, not even God can make us choose the... Read More

Life According to Green Principles: SoulBest

Green Principles: SoulBestABeing aware here now My path is progressive.... Read More

A Celebration of Life

As human beings it is inherent to want to self-actualize... Read More

Living Successfully - Spiritual Answers for Modern Day Desires: Part 1

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me,... Read More

Achieving Spiritual Health

Spiritual health is generally an overlooked aspect of healing. However,... Read More

6 Little Prayers That Bring Healing - Every Time You Pray

Ok, let's start with the amazing story of Robbie and... Read More

All One; All Different -- Addressing Spiritual Reductionism

"We're one, but we are not the same."-Bono, U2Once I... Read More

Faith - Moves Mountains

Faith is the remarkable force that gives us the empowerment... Read More

Relieve Me of Myself

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself... Read More

Thinking Out Loud (Answers) Part two of a two part series

(Channeled) Spirituality is about everyday life, which includes getting up... Read More

Getting the Feel of Your Faith

Whether we admit it or not, we operate by emotion.... Read More

Are You Homeless? Does Your Soul Have a Home?

How do you feel when you see homeless people on... Read More

I Think Ill Just Go Fishin

I said something last week I haven't said in years.... Read More

Healing For Your Soul

Can God really heal your pain? Does every trial come... Read More

Making Our Self Real

"Self-Actualization" is the process of making our self "actual." Our... Read More

The World Revolves Around Me

Lately I have become aware of a new truth that... Read More