Many of us mistakenly believe that it's wrong or conceited, to think we have any good qualities. We may spend a lot of time berating ourselves for our negative qualities, thinking that self criticism is the key to improving our performance. However, a constant focus on our supposed shortcomings can hinder our efforts to make friends with other people.
How can we have the confidence to make new friends if we think we don't have much to offer? How can we believe that others could like us if we believe our inner being is flawed? Or if we think we are too boring to interest anyone else?
We may wonder what anyone else would see in us if we don't see any good in ourselves. In order for others to be attracted to us, they must be able to easily see our best qualities. If we focus on our good qualities we will have much more confidence that we have something of value to offer in a relationship.
If you wish to be socially successful, it's important to accept the fact that not everybody is going to like you under all circumstances. Not everyone is going to like the package you come in, especially on first meeting you. Every person has a unique patterns of likes and dislikes which were formed long before they met you. Don't think you have to condemn yourself as a failure if it seems that someone else doesn't like you.
If someone seems to dislike you, the reason for that dislike might have little or nothing to do with you. The person who doesn't like you might be fearful, or shallow, or busy or shy. Perhaps you and that person are simply a mismatch for each other at this particular time.
Don't take yourself out of the game by deciding that your flaws are bigger than your assets. In fact, some of the very qualities you consider to be flaws may be irresistible to someone else. For all the factors that might cause one person to reject you, there are at least as many factors that will work in your favor with someone else.
You might be thirty pounds over your ideal weight, but you may have a wonderful laugh and a huge zest for life. There are many people to whom your extra pounds will literally be invisible. You may drive a shabby car, but you might be a great dancer and a loyal friend. There are people out there looking for loyalty, or fun, or sweetness, or wit, and the package it comes in is not important.
If you are worried that you are not beautiful enough to attract friends, keep in mind that not everyone is looking for physical beauty in their friends.
You can decide to feel inferior because you don't have much money and you don't drive a nice car. You can believe that this is the reason that you don't have many friends in your life. On the other hand, if you are very wealthy you may be suspicious that everyone is after your money and that nobody really likes you as a person.
The point is, you can fixate on just about anything and believe it's the reason you do not have friends and cannot make any.
Here is an easy way to remind yourself of what your good qualities are: write down a list of your good qualities and review it often. Don't just think in your mind about what your good qualities might be, actually make the effort to write the list. The act of writing helps to reinforce the strength of the ideas in your mind. Don't be embarrassed to give yourself credit for your good points. If you don't have any idea what your good points might be, you might want to ask some of the people you know.
When you compile your list of good qualities, be as generous in your praise as your best friend in the whole wide world would be! If you don't have any best friends yet, imagine in your mind a wise and loving friend who knows you truly and appreciates you. What would that person say are your good points?
Here are some ideas that might be applicable to you. Feel free to adjust this list for yourself and add to it.
My good qualities are:
· I'm kind
· I never gossip
· I go out of my way to help others
· I'm good with numbers
· I have a calm disposition
· I know a lot about sports
You can keep your list with you and read it over every day. Add to it whenever you think of new good qualities you discover in yourself. Be alert for compliments that other people give you. The positive qualities that others see in you can go on your list as well.
When you are out there meeting people, frequently remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities you have. It's only a matter of time before you meet other people who will appreciate them too!
Learn to relax. Instead of berating yourself for some perceived shortcoming, concentrate on the good qualities you have to offer. Realize that there is an audience for your particular combination of gifts, and go looking for those people who will appreciate them.
This article is an excerpt from the new downloadable book by Royane Real titled "Your Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends" available at http://www.royanereal.com
One message we hear from the time we are children... Read More
The late Cuban singer and queen of salsa, Celia Cruz,... Read More
1. Emotion: We are emotional creatures and as in all... Read More
You don't need a guitar, rock-hard abs, or even a... Read More
Some people lure romance to them. Some folks magnetize riches.... Read More
Wherever you go, there you are. There's no escaping it... Read More
Laws of Attraction are clearly defined. What comes back is... Read More
Somebody once said that insanity is doing the same thing... Read More
While I was growing up, my dad repeatedly told me... Read More
The Law of Attraction teaches us that whatever you focus... Read More
We are often asked to tell our life-story. I wasn't... Read More
As painful as this realization may be, it is absolutely... Read More
Good Morning! It's the Island outlaw here again. You know... Read More
Most folks who know me, know that when people write... Read More
One of the most important things in Wealth Creation is... Read More
Did you know that appreciation is one of the most... Read More
Emile Coué, the French psychotherapist once said: "When the imagination... Read More
"The speed of electromagnetic energy signals is 186,000 miles per... Read More
There's a big opportunity here! The holidays bring a change... Read More
If you can do anything in this time in your... Read More
There Are No Secrets To SuccessAs you strive toward accomplishing... Read More
October is hands down my favorite month. Every year l... Read More
There is an art and a science to prosperity. The... Read More
In my private practice for the past 15 years I... Read More
How many times have you told yourself "yes!" today? Not... Read More
Think for a moment about all the people you know... Read More
I would like you to give your full attention to... Read More
When was the last time you told someone the story... Read More
"We think, therefore we are."God always gives us what we... Read More
In the movie, "The Player" during a scene at a... Read More
Do you remember your younger years when you and your... Read More
Polly's story Polly had a four year old... Read More
Over the past several weeks I've received dozens of email... Read More
You are a money magnet. Money is flowing to you... Read More
There are numerous sources on the store bookshelves and the... Read More
Last Sunday I was sitting in on a class we... Read More
In some of my counseling and coaching sessions, my clients... Read More
Do you ever wonder why great things happen to some... Read More
The power of the mind draws certain events, circumstances and... Read More
What's most astounding is that the vast majority of business... Read More
Language, whether it's emerging from our mind, our heart, or... Read More
Go into the fields and country lanes in the spring-time,... Read More
In the dynamics of the self-concept and in the tendency... Read More
I first heard about this when I read The New... Read More
How are you feeling now?The answer to this question determines... Read More
Flow is the quality of ease that can be integrated... Read More
"Your face is my map to your life." - Houdini,... Read More
"Slowly, slowly, walk the path and you might never stumble... Read More
How well do you understand how gut instincts ? yours... Read More
Most business people would rather have customers seek us out... Read More
For each of us, the universe is different. A homeless... Read More
I'd like to share a story with you about two... Read More
"Progress is made by only unreasonable man" -- Gorge Bernard... Read More
Do you believe in the idea of "abundance" or do... Read More
Dick and Jay sat on the ground outside the shed.... Read More
In studying wealth, we learn the power of using our... Read More
Millions of people become anxious and insecure when speaking in... Read More
As I connect with more and more women I am... Read More
Dr. Wayne Dyer has been an inspiration for me for... Read More
We see it and do it enough times to know... Read More
Christmas is all around us, and many people are making... Read More
You only have to look around you at your friends,... Read More
Last month I was on another adventure, fishing Dog Lake... Read More
Emile Coué, the French psychotherapist once said: "When the imagination... Read More
When you have an important event to attend there are... Read More
This is a popular question people ask me. How do... Read More
Attraction |