When we want to be successful at something in life, we usually don't attempt to "wing it." That's why those who want to play the piano take lessons. No one can sit down at a piano for the first time and play Mozart or Beethoven. Sure, most anyone can peck on the keys long enough to figure out "Chop Sticks" or "Mary Had a Little Lamb," but that's hardly musical success. An instructor will teach us what keys produce certain musical notes, what techniques to use to access those keys and how to determine musical notes from written symbols in order to play pieces of music.
Once we've received basic education and training, it is up to us to practice and develop what we we've learned. After years of practicing, one can become adequate at making music with a piano. Clearly, success does not belong to a beginner.
Yet we often assume that success in marriage will come without any instruction or practice. Many times, we rely on some mysterious shared chemistry or compatibility and then when things don't run smoothly, we assume that individual differences are to blame. In the sad cases, divorce lawyers entitle them, "irreconcilable differences."
Usually those struggling in marriage don't question their techniques or decide they are going to start practicing with a resource or a professional. Unmarried couples usually don't seek to learn correct fundamentals and techniques to practice in their future marriage. Because of this, many people are setting themselves up for failure.
Here at Family Dynamics Institute, we have helped thousands of couples rebuild broken marriages and have helped good marriages prevent problems before they could ever develop. It's takes hard work, but it is well worth it. If your marriage is in crisis, please contact us right away at 1-800-650-9995 to learn about our intensive seminar for troubled marriages. If your marriage is not in crisis but you fear it could fall into crisis, the following three points should offer some help in keeping your marriage from reaching a point distress. If your marriage is strong, the following should help you keep it that way.
Things to remember and practice:
1. Marriage is a team sport. In talking to couples in crisis from around the United States, I often hear only one side of the story. The side I hear is usually one spouse blaming the other for all the problems within their marriage. "If only he'd _________." "If she wouldn't ________." I've been involved with enough couples to know that it is never completely one-sided. Sure, one spouse might share more of the guilt in hurting a marriage, like in cases of infidelity, but it is nearly impossible for one spouse to deserve all the blame. Don't expect your spouse to do all the work in your relationship. Each marriage partner has enough to work on within without attempting to change or manipulate his or her spouse. Be a team player in your marriage and your spouse will likely do the same.
2. Become your spouse's dream. When you were young, it's likely you had ideas and dreams of your relationship with your future spouse. Your spouse did as well.
Perhaps one of the greatest mistakes people make in marriage relationships is to stop the courtship process. You remember that time in your life don't you? When you were polite, kind, supportive, selfless, thoughtful, attentive, forthcoming and sensitive to your spouse? You made yourself into that dream. You learned what he/she liked you to wear. You learned what bothered, scared or hurt and you avoided those things. You found out what was important to him/her and you made it important to you even if it wasn't before. Do it again! People don't leave the spouse of their dreams. You'll likely find that your spouse will do the same for you.
3. Tell people good things about your spouse. In front of him or even when he's not there (the same goes for husbands about wives). If you focus on the positives in your spouse, you will find that he/she not only does more of those positive things but also adds new positives to the list. Thank him for cutting the grass or taking out the trash. Thank her for a delicious meal and tell others that she's a great cook. Be sure to compliment him on his strong arms or intelligence in front of your friends. Tell her how beautiful you think she is. Tell him he's handsome. Not only will your spouse appreciate the compliment, but you'll find it easier to treat your spouse as you should because you will be programming yourself to respect and appreciate him or her.
Marriage takes practice and work, but the rewards are for a lifetime. Remember that great marriages don't happen over night just as troubled marriages usually don't become disturbed in a few days. Start on the path to being a team player in your marriage and don't look back.
© 2005 Lee Wilson. All rights reserved.
Lee Wilson is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics attempts to prevent marriage problems by helping couples who are already in troubled marriages and by teaching those in good marriages to prevent major issues before they happen. Lee combats marriage problems from another angle with his web site for Christian singles by helping them find compatibility in possible marriage candidates. Lee hopes that his efforts will help to decrease the divorce rate around the world.
How many times has your anniversary come around and you... Read More
As couples begin thinking about their wedding, they are often... Read More
Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries.... Read More
There are many answers to this question, it all depends... Read More
Let's face it retirement is a time of great transition... Read More
It used to be that if you wanted to buy... Read More
One of the most memorable days in our lives is... Read More
If you're like most people, you probably entered into marriage... Read More
As most of you know the evening festivities for a... Read More
Many of the Jewish wedding traditions are derived from ancient... Read More
Many wives cheat on their husbands. This could be due... Read More
Being apologetic doesn't come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate... Read More
There are so many styles of wedding gown to choose... Read More
When it comes to your catering services for your wedding,... Read More
You may not think of Las Vegas as an area... Read More
Planning a second wedding? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second... Read More
The enchanting Belize honeymoon resorts captivate every visitor through the... Read More
Your wedding flowers usually tie to your wedding theme. When... Read More
When people plan to marry, they expect to find in... Read More
Your lovely fiancée has chosen her 'maids, and now you're... Read More
In our hungry-for-anything new pop culture world, celebrities are often... Read More
I am a woman, 42, who three years ago married... Read More
No one has as much fun as the bride to... Read More
There is nothing more romantic than a wedding by water... Read More
Reading this article does not necessarily mean that if you... Read More
If you are looking forward to a vacation of attractive... Read More
My parents gave me this advice about marriage. They have... Read More
One way to increase your chances of enjoying a happy... Read More
After seeing each other for years and being tagged as... Read More
In Las Vegas, once you get your marriage license you... Read More
Wedding dresses are literally the icing on the cake on... Read More
Imagine it's Halloween evening and you've just gone to the... Read More
Personalized wedding favors are among the most popular of gift... Read More
Embarking upon a marriage is a wonderful time in life... Read More
When it comes to choosing your wedding decorations, you must... Read More
There are many places to shop for elegant mother of... Read More
The following article can be copied but you must keep... Read More
Homemade wedding favors come from a centuries old tradition of... Read More
You've gotten engaged and have set the wedding date and... Read More
When it comes to wedding music, there are some choices... Read More
Today's tech savvy couples are plugging in and creating unique... Read More
Cookies as wedding favors, create an unique twist on the... Read More
Nestled in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, Gatlinburg's romantic and beautiful... Read More
When people think about great love stories, more often than... Read More
Imagine the cheapest wedding you'd like. You have to pay... Read More
In the dim past of the last century, good time... Read More
Caricature entertainment will make your wedding celebration stand out and... Read More
"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of... Read More
Depending on your personal preferences and the preferences of your... Read More
You have begun to plan your wedding and you want... Read More
A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question... Read More
Most girls know by the age of 12 what kind... Read More
Wedding favors are a delightful detail for any wedding shower,... Read More
A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More
All brides want to be beautiful on their wedding day,... Read More
The wedding day is the day that most women wait... Read More
Wedding favors have always been a nice, personal gesture to... Read More
For some couples, jetting off to their dream location would... Read More
"Til death do us part" is still the language used... Read More
The big day is not all about the bride; the... Read More
Have you heard of destination wedding favors? I haven't either,... Read More
Wedding catering has always been one of the most crucial... Read More
Wedding cake bakeries will have a cake portfolio to look... Read More
Well you may not become a billionaire or even a... Read More
Planning a second wedding? Prevent favorite guests comparing your second... Read More
The key to being a gracious bride is to be... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |