Love

According to the Encarta Dictionary, love is an intense feeling of tender affection and compassion; a passionate feeling or romantic desire and sexual attraction. Erich Fromm made these comments:

Immature love says: I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'

In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two.

Love is union with somebody, or something, outside oneself, under the condition of retaining the separateness and integrity of one's own self.

In the classic book, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm writes that "To be loved, and to love, need courage, the courage to judge certain values as of ultimate concern-and to take the jump and stake everything on these values."

In Forrest Gump, the movie, Forrest expresses this in the famous line, "Jenny, I may be stupid, but I know what love is."

So what is love?

In my mind, love is a marriage union between souls. It is profound positive feelings actualized in affectionate behaviors toward the love object. Note the Bible passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Though discussing love, this scriptural pericope does not refer to feelings or emotions. Instead, it talks about attitudes, such as patience, and actions, such as not boasting. It describes the result of love. When you love, you are inspired to behave in certain caring ways. For example, if you love your partner, you will be motivated to do everything possible to promote his or her well being. If he or she is unusually weary some night, out of love, you may volunteer to perform a duty that he or she would otherwise be responsible for.

For all intent and purposes, there are three forms of love. The first is the Greek Eros and is used to designate erotic, romantic, physical love. It can be one of the peak pleasures in human experience if not abused and misused.

The Greeks also has a second definition of love, and that is Philia which is where the word philanthropy is derived. Philia means brotherly love. We all know Philadelphia as the city of brotherly love. Philia does not contain romantic love. Philia is the love you and I have for our parents, siblings, friends, family members, and so forth. It does not contain Eros.

The third definition of love is called Agape. Agape means unconditional love for someone. It means loving someone without expecting love in return. Parents can relate to this, especially a mother. Perhaps this may be a difficult concept to comprehend in today's society because this type of love requires sacrifice and selflessness.

Agape is different from both Eros and Philia in that inherent in agape love is an overflowing altruism that seeks nothing in return. The end of agape is not the well-being of the self, but the well-being of the other. It is the type of love that characterized the non-violent philosophies of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.

In my experience, the one common mistake that many couples make is equating "true" love with Eros love only. Real love, I believe, requires all three types of love. Far too many relationships today are based on one type of love. If your relationship fails to include all three types of love, you may be mixing a recipe for disaster. When the first few years are past, one or two children have entered the scene, daily living becomes more difficult (and believe me, it will); and Eros love loses a little bit of its spice, most people bail out of relationships. So I hope you can appreciate the value of applying all three types of love in your relationship and marriage.

Eros love is essential to every relationship; philia love is equally important, and of course, agape love binds all three.

Rev. Saundra L. Washington, D.D., is an ordained clergywoman, veteran social worker, and Founder of AMEN Ministries. She is also the author of two coffee table books: Room Beneath the Snow: Poems that Preach and Negative Disturbances: Homilies that Teach which can be reviewed on her site. Her new book, Out of Deep Waters: My Grief Management Workbook, is expected to be available soon.

You are welcome to visit AMEN Ministries: Your Soul's Service Station for spiritual refreshing, soul edification or to browse our newly expanded mini shopping mall.

Blessings to all!

---

Its the Heart (and heat) of the Wedding Season - Sun & Heat Protection During an Outdoor Wedding

So, you decided to opt for an outdoor wedding under... Read More

Wedding Flowers: How It Emulates Your Personality

Your wedding day, what is presumed to be the happiest... Read More

Wedding Photography: Preserving the Memories

A person's wedding can be one of the most important... Read More

The Charm of Homemade Wedding Favors

Homemade wedding favors come from a centuries old tradition of... Read More

How To Fight Cultural Differences In Marriage And Stay Happy

When people plan to marry, they expect to find in... Read More

Marriage and the Election

Dear Friends of Marriage,There is a lot of talk on... Read More

2005 Mother Of Bride Dress

A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More

The Loveliest Las Vegas Wedding Reception

If you are actually planning your Las Vegas wedding reception,... Read More

Las Vegas Hotel Weddings

"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More

Restore Your Marriage - 5 Ways to Feel Connected to Your Spouse Even on Opposite Schedules

We've all been through times in our lives when it... Read More

Arizona Wedding Reception

The Arizona Inn is just the place that you are... Read More

Organizing The Wedding Menu

Deciding the menu is a pretty simple affair. Once you've... Read More

Are Wedding Decorations Waiting in Your Future?

If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More

Business Partners & Marital Partners Will The Marriage Survive - Part I

With today's economy, and the layoffs occurring as a result... Read More

Get Fantastic Deals on Catering for Your Wedding

When it comes to your catering services for your wedding,... Read More

Making a Budget For Your Wedding

Just the thought of all the expenses that come with... Read More

Marriage Advice: Eight Steps to Marital Harmony

The formula for marital harmony and success is not a... Read More

Proper Etiquette for the Wedding Invitation

The invitation is the first impression of the type of... Read More

A Wedding For All Seasons

In times gone by it wasn't uncommon for young couples... Read More

An Inexpensive, Yet Beautiful, Wedding: One Brides Story

Most girls know by the age of 12 what kind... Read More

Bora Bora Honeymoon Vacations

Poets, sailors, honeymooners and other romantics have officially declared this... Read More

The Monogram Theme Wedding

Monograms are a huge trend in weddings, to the point... Read More

To Choose a Wedding Planner or Not to Choose a Wedding Planner

When I was the owner of a major wedding facility,... Read More

Saving Money on Your Wedding Reception Using Reception Themes

Just like weddings, receptions are often theme based as well.... Read More

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Wedding Officiants

Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the... Read More

Marriage A Menace

Apparently for a person to get married is like burning... Read More

Star Jones Nuptials: Fairytale Wedding or Diva Gone Wild?

In case you've been living on another planet for the... Read More

Moissanite Bridal Rings ?True Choice Of The Young Heart

What best way can a bride think of rising to... Read More

Wedding Rings ? Through the Ages and for All Eternity

The exact origin of the wedding ring is uncertain and... Read More

All that Glitters?Something Old, Something New...

Brides through the ages have accessorized with wedding jewelry to... Read More

Bachelorette Parties: Fun Alternatives to a Wild Night

If bar-hopping and male strippers aren't the bride's idea of... Read More

Anniversary Gifts that Say I Love You

Exchanging anniversary gifts is a long standing tradition. Many couples... Read More