How You Answer This Question Can Change Your Marriage

Imagine the following scenario. Your spouse has given you an important letter to mail and is counting on you to mail it on your way to work. But you slip up...you forget all about it until you're on the way home. "Oh, #$@!!" is your first reaction. You know the spouse will be upset.

You frantically search the car and your briefcase for the letter, but it's gone. You can't find it anywhere. Now what do you do? What will you tell your spouse when you get home and he (or she) asks you if you mailed the letter?

Will you say, "It got lost" or will you say, "I lost it"? Your answer to this question gives insight into your willingness to accept responsibility for your actions. According to Sidney J. Harris, "We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until ...we have stopped saying 'It got lost,' and say 'I lost it.'"

As long as you avoid taking responsibility for your actions or you look for reasons to avoid admitting you goofed, you're not being honest with yourself. When you accept responsibility and stop rationalizing and blaming, then you can start to focus on what you can do differently that will produce different results next time.

This is not easy to do. Especially if you're in the habit of placing blame elsewhere. Accepting responsibility in a marriage takes courage, above all when a spouse is at fault.

Mark, a long-time procrastinator, always had a list of reasons why he hadn't been able to get around to doing the house maintenance chores. It was too cold or too hot, he was too tired,or he didn't have the right tools or enough time. He would always promise to do the chores another day. Mark's behavior greatly irritated his wife Anne,and she began to resent his constant excuses.

It wasn't until Anne expressed her dissatisfaction with their marriage, giving Mark's habitual procrastination as one of the reasons,that Mark really looked closely at how his behavior was hurting his marriage relationship. In marriage counseling sessions, he learned to take responsibility for his part in what happened each day. He also learned to pay attention to the words he selected to describe what happened.

Mark learned that when he said, "There wasn't enough time to fix the faucet," he often really meant, "I didn't schedule enough time to complete the job today." And if he went a step further and was even more honest, he also meant,"I don't really want to do this, so I'm putting it off."

Once Mark was more aware of his behavior patterns, he was able to have an honest talk with Anne. He told her that while he didn't mind doing some of the repair jobs, he really didn't want to have to spend the time the others would require. They talked it over and decided to hire someone to do the repairs Mark knew he would in all probability never get around to doing. He made a resolution not to make promises unless he really planned to keep them. He also resolved to be honest with Anne upfront instead of dragging things out for months.

These changes made a major difference in Mark and Anne's relationship. Anne didn't feel like "the nagging wife" any longer, and Mark didn't mislead her by making false promises. Less friction in the marriage allowed them time to focus on each other's good points and to enjoy more harmony in their relationship.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

---

How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand

Too many wives with cheating husbands put up with their... Read More

Help Your Marriage Survive The Rough Spots

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods.... Read More

Should You Send Save the Date Notices To Your Guests?

You've probably heard about Save the Dates since they have... Read More

How to Plan Your Wedding and Honeymoon

1. Weddings typically can cost you anywhere around $15,000 or... Read More

Selecting Your Wedding Centerpieces

Wedding centerpieces help tie together the look of your entire... Read More

Celtic Diamond Rings ? A Combination of History And Romance

The symbolism of Celtic Diamond Rings is relevant to all... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No.1

Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More

Wedding Flowers -- Determining What You Need

Wedding flowers make up a large part of the wedding... Read More

The Bachelor Party: A Guide For The Best Man

If you forget the ring, there is still a chance... Read More

Displaying Your Wedding Bouquet

The great day has come and gone, and you are... Read More

Creating A Wedding Budget You Can Afford

The most important part of planning a wedding is setting... Read More

Hot Wedding Trend: Platinum Wedding Rings

In our hungry-for-anything new pop culture world, celebrities are often... Read More

Are Wedding Decorations Waiting in Your Future?

If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More

Have a Garden Theme Dream Wedding

You've found the perfect venue: old oaks, a stone wall,... Read More

Are American Women Driving Their Men Away?

Recently, I stumbled across something on the internet. A particular... Read More

5 Tips To Select The Best Wedding Reception Location

Being disc jockeys, we get the opportunity to evaluate many... Read More

All The Details: 25 Ways to Make Your Wedding a Unique and Truly Memorable Event

If you've been to one wedding, you've seen it all.... Read More

Slash Your Wedding Ceremony Bills

When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants... Read More

Bridal Accessories To Complete Your Wedding Look

Bridal accessories are as necessary to complete the bridal look,... Read More

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the... Read More

Wedding Dress Styles ? What?s Available

There are so many styles of wedding gown to choose... Read More

Planning A Wedding? Tips On How To Attend A Bridal Show

If you're getting married, a Bridal Show is a great... Read More

Discount Wedding Dresses ? Elegance and Style that Won?t Blow Your Budget!

If you're planning your wedding day then you'll be all... Read More

Marriage Counseling Tips: 7 Ways to Handle Conflict in Marriage

How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges... Read More

Reduce Marriage Problems: Go and Wake Up Your Luck

At one time or another, most of us have had... Read More

How Optimism can Help ? or Hurt ? Your Marriage

Beth and Tom were happily married for over 25 years... Read More

Signature Frames - Your Guestbook and Wedding Frame Together At Last!

So you have been invited to a wedding. Whether you... Read More

Mattresses and Marriage ? a Match Made in Heaven

Mattresses and marriage go hand in hand. Sleep is important... Read More

Wedding Favors - How to Graciously Thank Your Wedding Guests

Thank You, Merci, Arigatou, Gracias, Xie-Xie?Gratitude is a universal emotion.... Read More

Rose Petals Add The Perfect Touch For A Wedding

Rose petals will add luxury to a wedding day or... Read More

Wedding Extravaganza

The extravagance of weddings is a popular topic. We blame... Read More

Choosing a Wedding Date ?- When You?re Feeling Indecisive

He ? or she ? asked, and you answered in... Read More

How to Find the Right Bridesmaid Dresses for Your Wedding

The kind of bridesmaid dresses your bridal attendants should should... Read More