A Pickup Line

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002

I just started a wonderful new job. The atmosphere is laid-back, and the people alone make the place fantastic. The best of them all is my boss. She is 29, a month my elder, and very comely in appearance.

At first I was merely attracted to her, but as time went on, I fell hard. I couldn't put my finger on it, but she has such a sweet and gentle spirit. Problem is she's not only my boss. She's married.

At weekly meetings, I didn't want them to end. I'd lose focus during the conversation. I'd stare at her when she was talking. She is such a delightful and special person I couldn't help it. I wished I could be with her all day.

On some occasions, I thought she had to know this. It was killing me inside. She'd walk by me in a sundress, and I'd look her over. I would notice her looking down at me coyishly, then she'd get a call from her husband and be all happy to hear from him. I cut my eyes back to my computer, upset.

I thought I had to tell her, so one Friday, I did. She told me everything I needed to hear. She said she was happily married. I said I wouldn't hurt her in her career. She told me to get over it. I told her it was done, but that I love her in a way that makes me want to do the best for her.

I want to be there for her, but now she's very cold to me. I say hello in the hallway and she walks by me quicker. Her actions appear scripted. It sears my soul every day to think I hurt or scared her in any way. Will things return to normal so we can be close friends in spite of all this?

Reynold

Reynold, you will never be close friends because friends is not what you want from her. She gave you no opening for your remarks. You created a problem for her with a subordinate, a problem with no easy solution except to keep you at arm's length.

You created a permanent difficulty in your new job, one which can influence your chances for raises and promotion. The only solution is to keep your eyes and your thoughts to yourself and do your job.

You are looking at this strictly from your own point of view. Where did you get the idea you can tell any married woman you are romantically and sexually attracted to her? That would mean, when you marry, any man is free to hit on your wife.

When crossing the street, it is best to look both ways. If you think only of your own objective, the opposite curb, you are likely to get run over.

Wayne & Tamara

Failed Strategy

In April I cheated on my husband and let him find out. I swore to him it was over and wouldn't happen again, but I've been stringing along the guy I cheated with, telling him I love him and keeping him in the background just in case things didn't get better with my husband.

Well, my husband found out and now wants a divorce. I don't. I can't see myself without him. I am scared this time I will lose him for good.

Angel

Angel, your letter reminds us of the Aesop's fable about the dog carrying a chunk of meat in his mouth. When he looked into the water, he saw another dog with a larger piece of meat. In grabbing for it the dog lost both pieces, the real and the imaginary.

Your backup plan was your undoing. It proved to your husband why second chances are often unwarranted. Do you understand the moral of the story? Greediness can cause us to lose everything.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Game-Set-Match

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 21,... Read More

Encouraging Blossoms of Achievement

The tiny dogwood sapling was only a twig when my... Read More

Self Esteem - What It Really Is and How to Raise It

Self esteem.Now there's a well used and little understood term.... Read More

Body Acceptance: The Secret to Weight Loss Success

Can we love our bodies? As the years go by,... Read More

Look To Trees To Help You Keep Balanced And Focused While Achieving Your Dreams

Do you remember looking up through the branches of a... Read More

Keep On Believing

It has been said that a man is what he... Read More

Adversity, What Is It Good For?

As I sat down to write this article, I was... Read More

Duplicity

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 26,... Read More

Are You Afraid of Change?

Change, no matter how you cut it, can certainly be... Read More

Have You Lost Focus?

Matthew 5:14-16You are the light of the world. A city... Read More

The Fuel for Creative Vigor

Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a... Read More

Israel Is My Son

"And thou shalt say unto Pharoah, Thus saith the Lord,... Read More

The Power of Courtesy and Kindness

I'm currently listening to The Secrets of the Power of... Read More

Who are you?

I have a question for you.Who are you?This may be... Read More

Second Thoughts? Think Again!

Life is perfect. If you have read these articles long... Read More

Caste Out

Direct Answers - Column for the week of September 29,... Read More

Dreams Do Come True

Experience has made a lot of folks to consider dreams... Read More

Why Does it Take So Long to Slow Down

Why do we wait so long, before we start thinking... Read More

Cool Children

It's funny how an acquaintance from the past just pops... Read More

The Brilliant You, Unreleased!

You're a remarkable person. But, you knew that already. Still,... Read More

Escape From the Dungeon: Jennifers Survival Story

Have you ever been encountered with a trauma in life... Read More

TIES that BIND

I have no idea how it started or who launched... Read More

You Reap What You Sow

There is an old principle: You reap what you sow.... Read More

Its Better to Give than to Receive

"It's better to give than to receive." You've probably heard... Read More

Everyone Has Been Hurt..... Part 5

Continued...About a year later I met my husband. I met... Read More

5 Tips To Add More Spice To Your Life

1. Once a week, visit somewhere you've never been before.... Read More

Stand Up!

One of the most undervalued blessings is God's will to... Read More

Who is My Mother?

Text: Matthew 12:46-50, Mark 3: 31-35, Luke 8:19Mother's Day has... Read More

Loving You

The difficulty in finding love that is good for you... Read More

Brilliance in Balance

"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else;... Read More

Important Things to Know / Remember About Life

I love you not because who you are, but... Read More

More Than I Can Bare

One of my long time best friends called me the... Read More

Getting Unstuck

According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12... Read More