Go Between

Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 16, 2003

I enjoy reading your column every week. I want to tell you about a family problem I am having at present. Recently our youngest daughter divorced after 22 years of marriage and two teenagers. This was a great shock to all the family as she never told anyone of her unhappy situation.

Now she is living with her high school sweetheart, who is also divorced. She says she is very, very happy. My big problem is that my husband of 54 years will not accept the situation and refuses to speak to this daughter.

I am not happy either, but have accepted it as I want to keep communication open with my daughter. How should I handle this problem with my husband?

Adelle

Adelle, we live in tornado country, and a few weeks ago several small towns near us were almost totally destroyed. Many people lost their home, their possessions, and their livelihood. The next morning some people were clearing rubble and rebuilding their lives, while others were wandering around stunned by their loss.

We vary enormously in our responses. Some people heal faster than others, and some adjust to change faster than others. Your husband lost a part of his life, and a son-in-law, he never expected to lose. Perhaps he is like the tough old oak not easily bent. You are more like the willow which is flexible and bends in a storm without breaking.

For now, you need to give your husband the time he needs to adapt to the change and be the flexible connection between father and daughter. You are like the old-style telephone operator making connections between two people. As long as you are in touch with both, keeping each aware of the other, you keep the distance between them from getting too great.

That is a positive, not a negative. There needs to be a little time for healing all around for everyone in this situation. Perhaps in time, or in a crisis, the connection can be made more direct. Your husband and your daughter may only be one incident, or one holiday, away from coming together.

Wayne and Tamara

Opportunity

My boyfriend and I have always had our differences, and though we are both strong-headed, we have learned to appreciate each other. We've been talking about marriage, but there is one issue I cannot get past. He is so selfish!

He contributes little to the household duties and financial obligations such as food and cleaning supplies. He spends large amounts of money on weekends and vacations with the boys, but can only rarely take me out to dinner. He shops the Wal-Mart clearance racks for holiday gifts. Christmas was a toothbrush and bath mats.

I strongly dislike the area we live in and would like to relocate. He says he grew up here and will never live anywhere else. I was recently laid off, and the only positions in my field are in other cities. I want to work so I can fulfill my half of the financial obligations, but he says he cannot leave and I should just keep looking.

Prudence

Prudence, opportunity knocks all the time, but the problem is we usually can't recognize it for what it is. We expect the Prize Patrol to show up with balloons and a check for a million dollars. That isn't going to happen. Usually opportunity shows up as something mundane, like getting laid off from our job and thinking about where our life is headed.

You are thinking about marriage, but you should be thinking about 50 years of bath mats and toothbrushes from a selfish man. You want to keep up your half, but where is his half?

You've been given an opportunity to live where you choose. When you go there, you may find a man who doesn't have differences you can't live with.

Wayne and Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Being An Adult

I have always thought that grandparents were the icons of... Read More

A Plan Of Attack

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 28,... Read More

Spiritual Bread Making

All the ingredients to make 12 loaves of bread already... Read More

A Perspective on Life!

All of our lives we always seem to direct our... Read More

How to Guarantee a GREAT Day Every Day!

I have a standing interview every Monday morning on a... Read More

All Is Going Well?

The true test in life does not occur when all... Read More

The Author Within You!

I always had an active imagination when I was young.... Read More

Four Words that Make Life Worthwhile

Over the years as I've sought out ideas, principles and... Read More

Joy in Perseverance

I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take... Read More

Building Bridges, Not Walls!

Only twenty years ago, people would casually stroll the neibourhood,... Read More

The River of Life

I've always loved the awesome majesty of mountains. They are,... Read More

A Lesson From A Hum Of A Bamboo Clump

Have you heard a nature hymn? For example, a whir... Read More

Everyone Has Been Hurt...Part 3

Continued....When I turned 18 years old, I met a new... Read More

5 Simple Tips For A Better Life

How can we enjoy a better lifestyle?'Easy' I hear you... Read More

Faith Like a Child

Jonathan:¡§This is my brother, Jonathan¡¨. They walked into the room... Read More

Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?

We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in... Read More

Even the Smallest Sound

You are probably in front of your computer screen at... Read More

Who Is Wallace Wattles and Why Is He One of My Mentors and Heroes?

Who is Wallace Wattles? Wallace D. Wattles died over 90... Read More

Happy Ending

I'm writing to you with a completely shattered heart. I've... Read More

Are You Afraid of Change?

Change, no matter how you cut it, can certainly be... Read More

Your Turn On The Holodeck

Good morning Roy, good morning Joseth.Roy? You have in your... Read More

Stay Inspired

Two years ago I was in a wheelchair and told... Read More

Lewis And Clark Pay Attention

As I write this Southern California has just ended its... Read More

Reach Your Dreams

About fifteen years ago I was rummaging through some old... Read More

How To Be a Champion in Your Life

Are you left with inspiration but no action after hearing,... Read More

Are You The Master Of Your Destiny?

How strong are you? I'm not asking if you... Read More

Contemptable Temptation

Let's look at the lesson we should all pay attention... Read More

Believe In Yourself

Diana is a wonderful person with a great personality and... Read More

How To Be Secure In An Insecure World

Most of us believe that our happiness and security are... Read More

From the Hint of a Rainbow to...

The grey sky of morning contained an ominous quality. The... Read More

Directions For Life

Give people more than they expect and do it... Read More

Imprisoned In Liberty?

Robert was so strong that I once saw him pick... Read More

The Great Challenge of Life

Here's the great challenge of life - You can have... Read More