A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a casual acquaintance. As we were chatting, she mentioned her new boyfriend, Adam. "Oh," I asked. "How did you two meet?" She looked around and said, "Well, I guess I can tell you. I mean, he tells everyone." And then she lowered her voice slightly, "We met online."
Now, to me, the phrase, we met online is not one that warrants a lowered voice and furtive glance around the room before being uttered. But, apparently admitting to meeting over the internet has not quite become the stuff of polite conversation. In reality, this shouldn't be that surprising. There are some long-standing stigmas attached to this type of coupling; often holdovers from the days of newspaper personal ads and video dating services.
My first encounter with personal ad dating came when I was a teenager. I was at an older cousin's wedding. At one point during the reception, my mother whispered to me, "You know, they met through the personal ads." Forgetting my whereabouts I loudly repeated, "The personals?" only to get a sound motherly shushing. But, I was confused. My cousin didn't seem desperate. Or weird for that matter. Weren't those the types of people who did this? Now, granted I was a teenager and not fully versed in the ways of the world, but I would hazard a guess that I wasn't the only one under the impression that only desperate divorcees and perverted polygamists would place an ad looking for a date. Of course, it was more likely than not the daters in question were simply busy people with specific needs and interests whose social lives had not yet presented them with an appropriate match. Just like internet daters today.
Now that internet dating has been going strong for nearly a decade, people are coming around to the idea that there is no more shame in meeting someone online that there is in meeting someone through a friend, at a bar or over the office water cooler. My friend Andy and his live-in-love met on an internet dating site a few years ago. However, this wasn't initially what they told people, instead concocting a tale about meeting in a park on their way to work. Eventually, the happy couple felt silly perpetuating the fabricated story and outed themselves to friends and family. Not surprisingly, the only negative reactions came from people who didn't understand why they had invented the park fable in the first place. Still, as Andy says, "In the beginning we felt a little pathetic, like we had to go online to get a date. And, I know Jen was worried that people would think we had just been looking for a hook up. But, we got over that pretty quick!"
Many internet daters see these qualms as being decidedly out of touch. Twenty-seven year-old Ilana explains, "I have no problem telling people I'm doing Internet dating because everyone's doing it. I think the fact the people do everything on the Internet makes it seem totally natural. You do all your communication on the internet. All your research on the Internet. Make all your plans on the Internet, so why not find someone to date on the internet?"
Why not indeed? There's plenty of stuff out there to feel legitimately embarrassed about, an addiction to reality television and our love of Les Miserables for example.
Online dating doesn't need to be added to that list. Who knows, in a few years, the idea of going out with someone without first being able to check his or her profile might seem positively passé.
Ellen Friedrichs is a dating advisor for MetroChai. To read more articles and tips visit our blog at http://nydating.blogspot.com/
For free online dating visit http://www.metrochai.com
So, you've decided to take the plunge and follow in... Read More
Are you considering the possibility of using an Online Dating... Read More
In order to attract the man of your dreams, it... Read More
A Christian dating service can help single Christians meet one... Read More
IntroductionNothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation... Read More
You have signed up on several large dating sites and... Read More
ARIES (March 21 - April 19) - She's aggressive with... Read More
Online dating is a great way to contact and meet... Read More
If you're about to leap into dating personals and don't... Read More
Very few singles have ever gone through life without having... Read More
For a while now I've been wondering why some women... Read More
As a result of dating for decades and chatting with... Read More
Kiki sat on the park bench, staring ruefully at the... Read More
Like any other society, Latin culture is one that is... Read More
How many times have you felt the urge to impress... Read More
"If music be the food of love, play on". So... Read More
Are you dating or in a serious relationship? Did you... Read More
You see it all the time, and it makes you... Read More
Remember Jerry Hall, the model who married Mick Jagger? Jerry... Read More
Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More
Sometimes we need a hiatus from dating. A "hiatus" is... Read More
Chances are that you have had a wide variety of... Read More
"I'll call you this week". "Yes, I'd love to see... Read More
Carly's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed... Read More
Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year,... Read More
There is just something that makes women NOT get attracted... Read More
Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been... Read More
Have you been dating for a long time but felt... Read More
If you're tired of the boring and repetitive local dating... Read More
If you're wondering what it means by dating service and... Read More
The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience... Read More
There are many more reasons than just ten that I... Read More
When it comes to online dating many people think that... Read More
Sweet flowers alone can say what passion fears revealing Thomas... Read More
Are you a little uncomfortable with the idea of Internet... Read More
My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE... Read More
You get her number, set up the date, take her... Read More
Have you seen a dating site? Would you want to... Read More
The first date is the most apprehensive, nerve wreaking event... Read More
As you're surfing the Internet and coming across titles claiming... Read More
The number one mistake made by men on the first... Read More
Dating can be scary no matter how or where you... Read More
Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a... Read More
Now, let's start at the very beginning, what's the first... Read More
When it comes to online dating many people think that... Read More
When I look at alot of the online dating services... Read More
Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort,... Read More
One of the most frequently asked questions in the history... Read More
Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More
Just about every dating site-even those with minimal profiles-have space... Read More
We all know that online dating will help you to... Read More
Giving a compliment can be a very powerful tool when... Read More
Being an expat in a foreign country where you don't... Read More
We are romantic creatures. We are social creatures. With these... Read More
Do you strike out with single women in the romance... Read More
Sometimes we need a hiatus from dating. A "hiatus" is... Read More
LadiesYes, we all have a friend who is or has... Read More
Well, if you didn't give that someone a bad impression... Read More
Searching the web for a dating or personals site can... Read More
Dating at first is fun but as it goes on... Read More
There are lots of Internet dating sites available. Some are... Read More
The popularity of online dating has increased dramatically over the... Read More
Jody's quest in finding a suitable partner for marriage seemed... Read More
Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse... Read More
More and more people in the UK are turning to... Read More
I logged on to a dating site the other day... Read More
Dating |