A recent sexual assault on our campus was a wake-up call to those who thought that our small-town university was safe. But rape by strangers is only one aspect of the problem. What about acquaintance rape and date rape?
One study found that 25% of the female college students surveyed had at least one experience of forced intercourse, and that 93% of these episodes involved acquaintances. College administrators and campus police estimate that date rape or acquaintance rape happens to one-fifth of college women, and one-fourth of college women will experience either attempted or completed forced sex.
This is something we all need to discuss and decide, one by one, what we can do about it. And Christians on campus need to be prepared to offer more than scriptural "Thou shalt not's." "Just say no" is no more a panacea for acquaintance/date rape than it is for the problem of illicit drugs.
Often, even when the woman says "No!" or "Stop!" the guy doesn't stop, or even slow down. He coaxes, pleads, and pressures. He may even ridicule, threaten, or get rough. He thinks "no" means "maybe" and "maybe" might just mean "yes."
Here are some practical suggestions for women. Decide what is your own personal, definite standard of how far is acceptable, based on solid reasons drawn from morality (what is right?), physiology (what will arouse beyond stopping?), and psychology (what might he wrongly assume?).
Explore the potential mental conflicts the dating situation might create. You may often find yourself trying to weigh the value of maintaining your standards against the value of not hurting his feelings, or of maintaining the relationship, or even of ensuring your personal safety.
Learn from others the consequences of not communicating your standards clearly and forcefully--before you learn it from painful and bitter experience. Develop effective, assertive ways of saying "no" or "stop" without lying, hurting, or estranging. All of this thinking-through is best done alone, away from the critical, split-second decision-making you might have to do on a date.
Another important point to remember is how often alcohol is connected with date rape. In fact, it is directly involved in a large majority of cases. Guys looking for a new conquest know that even a beer or two will lower your resistance. If you are aware of this ploy, you can guard against it.
Of course, avoiding date rape is not just the woman's responsibility. Each man who dates must also develop his own convictions. Decide how far is too far. Stop thinking of and treating women as commodities and start esteeming them as persons with inestimable worth. God sees each of them as one "for whom Christ died" (Rom. 14:15; 1 Cor. 8:11). How priceless, then, she must be!
Did you know that respect from you and for you is one of the highest values most women want in a growing relationship? Cultivate her respect by establishing your own standards rather than relying on her to determine when to stop.
Resolve never to overcome "No!" with coaxing, ridicule, or any kind of manipulation or coercion. Appreciate the value of self-control as an important step you can take now toward becoming a world-class lover when and if you get married.
The goal both of you have in most dates is to develop a deeper, more satisfying relationship. Heterosexual intercourse is designed by God to be the fullest and deepest expression of such a relationship, provided it is experienced in an environment of concern, trust, and mutual respect.
Such an environment only marriage can provide. Here are three passages that will help you know where to draw the line:
The way some Christian students act on a date, you would think the verse read "Pursue sexual immorality-as long as you don't catch it." They are what could be called, "Technical Virgins," avoiding intercourse, but engaging in everything else.
This is not fleeing from sexual immorality. It is yielding to it, longing for it, and fantasizing about it. Those who take such an approach to the dating scene can no longer call themselves pure even if they are still virgins physiologically.
If our sexual desires are so uncontrollable that we are no longer submissive to Christ, we should follow Paul's advice, "It is better to marry than to burn with passion" (1 Cor. 7:9).
Are you willing for anyone who witnesses what you do on your date to know that you are a Christian? When we are baptized into Christ, we put on Christ, and for the rest of our lives, as we walk in the light, we continue to wear Him.
If you are in the habit of taking Him off, rolling Him up, and stuffing Him into your glove compartment or checking him with the attendant at the door, know this: Christ will not be put off many times before He refuses to be put on again. You insult Him whenever you do it.
Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles on subjects of interest to Bible students. He has taught Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses Bible college, university, and adult education programs. He has taught seminars and workshops in 11 states and the Caribbean.
Go to his DeeperStudy.org for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore "The Shallows," plumb "The Depths," or use the well-organized "Study Links" for original sources in English translation. Sign up for Steve's free "DeeperStudy Newsletter."
So you have scored the date, she has agreed to... Read More
Something I find 100% humor in is the fact that... Read More
Some have said that online dating is an impersonal relationship.... Read More
Flattery will get you everywhere! Always compliment women and they... Read More
I was reading an article about the Apprentice and some... Read More
Here are some common sense safety tips for meeting your... Read More
Have you been looking for romantic and provocative ways to... Read More
I run a blog where I discuss the topic of... Read More
Online dating is as safe, and in some ways safer... Read More
The online dating world today can be a confusing place... Read More
My husband and I used to live in NYC. WE... Read More
Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort,... Read More
Christian singles are plentiful no matter what age you are... Read More
Co-Dependency is an unhealthy reliance on another person for every... Read More
Quality adult personals are becoming harder to find these days.... Read More
The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience... Read More
Why is it people, especially the media, thinks that looking... Read More
What is it that makes you attracted to someone? The... Read More
There are lots of Internet dating sites available. Some are... Read More
Admit it. You snickered, rolled your eyes and laughed out... Read More
Guys have all different motives for trying to be successful... Read More
Ladies, this one is for you. Your mother always told... Read More
The next most likely place to meet your match is... Read More
Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to... Read More
For a while now I've been wondering why some women... Read More
Internet dating services are popping up online like dandelions in... Read More
In as much as they want to preserve the moral... Read More
If you're single, you've probably gone to a singles bar... Read More
The Importance of FocusPeople are always looking for ways to... Read More
Many of my clients that I coach are single and... Read More
One of the great things about online dating is the... Read More
No doubt about it, Internet dating has become a unique... Read More
Dating has become easier for everyone due to the emergence... Read More
Your profile is the key to meeting your perfect match... Read More
In the world of online dating misrepresentation is at an... Read More
There are lots of Internet dating sites available. Some are... Read More
Okay, so you wanted to know what your boyfriend or... Read More
If you're wondering what it means by dating service and... Read More
Online dating is a great way to contact and meet... Read More
There are many online dating sites, all of them require... Read More
A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and... Read More
Step #1- The first impression. Before you approach a girl... Read More
Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse... Read More
Dear Soulmate,Where are you?? It seems as if I have... Read More
Most of us walk around caught up in our own... Read More
Are you writing to someone who is romancing you off... Read More
You are on your way to your first date with... Read More
Guys have all different motives for trying to be successful... Read More
If you're worried and upset about your physical flaws, which... Read More
Women love to talk (just think of how long they... Read More
The easy way to date is really by empowering yourself.... Read More
One of the great things about online dating is the... Read More
"There is a time for everything, and a season for... Read More
With special events like Valentine's Day coming and going each... Read More
1. First, put yourself in the opposite position: If YOU... Read More
Well, if you didn't give that someone a bad impression... Read More
More and more people in the UK are turning to... Read More
Valentine's Day was initially an outgrowth of an ancient Roman... Read More
What's the Number One Question that Everyone Asks About CyberDating?Everyone... Read More
The three most usual choices for what to do on... Read More
A few months ago I became single again after a... Read More
Creating a great ad means selling your strengths and attributes.... Read More
We've all had that special woman in our lives. You... Read More
The tempertures are rising and romances are in full bloom... Read More
Familiar with the economics theory of scarcity ? Here's a... Read More
Dating and saving money. For many, the two concepts don't... Read More
Dating |