Do you know WHAT MAKES ME MAD?? It makes me SO MAD I just want to...

Sound familiar? If you want to manage anger, the only way of doing so is to listen to your self-talk. This doesn't mean listening to yourself talk. It means listening to your SELF-TALK.

It's quite true that anger is created from within. No matter how much you say-"She made me mad!" "It makes me so mad when?"-the anger comes from YOU, not it or she.

Our thoughts about "it" or "she" is actually where the anger comes from. And by changing our thinking we can change the way we feel (for example, instead of angry or enraged, annoyed or irritated..)

Doesn't it make sense, then, if anger is created from within that we have the power from within to keep from getting angry? The answer is a definitive YES.

By adjusting how you think about a situation, to listen your self-talk, is how you keep yourself from getting mad-period.

How? By listening for demands. What are demands? They're easy to spot. They tend to express themselves in words such as SHOULD, ought, must, have-to, need.

Depending upon the context and situation, when these words or thoughts are used they will create anger.

Whether you use them on someone or someone is using them on you, a sense of anger, rage or mad evolves from these words/thoughts of demand when things don't go your way.

There are numerous examples of how this is true, but here is a simple one that most everyone can relate to:

You're driving in rush-hour traffic, late to get home. Another driver cuts you off, almost hitting you, so he can run a yellow light that actually is quite red by the time he runs it-leaving you stopped at the light and cursing the driver as he speeds away.

Your immediate thoughts are: "What an idiot! People like that shouldn't be allowed to drive!! He's an accident waiting to happen. They ought to lock him up!!"

The word ?should- creates anger because of its demanding nature. Simply stated, the situation is history. Yet, by saying it shouldn't happen you're demanding that reality not exist as it does, lousy as it may seem. Bottom line: it happened as it should based upon all the events that led up to it happening.

Instead if you approach the situation without demands then your reaction will change appropriately. You may wish he didn't drive that way, you may prefer it, but he's driving that way?so don't deny the reality of it!

It may be illegal, but it's his choice to drive that way. You'd feel much better to accept it and not demand anything to the contrary.

This works for anything in life. When you "should on somebody" you're creating anger for yourself (or them) when it is totally un-necessary.

When you knock off the demands, shoulds and oughts, you'll notice a difference. It would be nice if things always went the way you want them to go, but that isn't reality, so become more tolerant by listening to your own thoughts and you'll start to see anger withering away.

Dr. David L. Thomas, LMHC

About The Author

Dr. Thomas is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with a practice in Tampa, FL. He has been counseling people to feel better for over 21 years. This article is posted at www.stressgroup.com. He is also the co-author of Quit Smoking-Be Happy!-see www.quitsmoking-behappy.com to learn more.

---

Identify Your Two Rich Horses

The naked truth of person is that we are still... Read More

Do You Need a Performance Coach?

In today's fast paced world, we are often confronted with... Read More

Making Changes in Your Personal Life

Making changes in your personal life can be a tough... Read More

Creating Supportive Environments

I'm writing this on my laptop in a Cosi café... Read More

Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year

As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of... Read More

The Harvest: Shared Power

The fall harvest comes upon us once a year. The... Read More

Resolving Conflicts Effectively

Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a... Read More

What Rules!

There are things that we do automatically internally that we... Read More

The Adventure Attitude

Of the 60,000 people who lived to be over 100... Read More

Mid Life Crisis and the Great American Dream

One of the mainstays of American culture is the "Great... Read More

Listen To Me Lad Says Jack

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, when... Read More

Nourishing Your Network

It takes less effort to keep an existing customer than... Read More

Coaching May Be For You

Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable... Read More

Executive Coaching ? Finding a Coach and Understanding the Process

Nobody in business can fail to have noticed the recent... Read More

Developing Will Power and Self Discipline

Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won... Read More

The Power of a Scope

We all know the power of a scope if you... Read More

Coaching: Change Made Simple

Here's a story that I think gets at why we... Read More

Creating An Effective Toolbox For Success

WHAT'S IN YOUR TOOLBOX?Think tools are just for builders and... Read More

The Right Coach

Who is the Best Coach For Achieving Your Goals?A friend... Read More

Increase Your Intelligence With Music

You Are What You Listen ToCan music really help you... Read More

Ten Benefits of Having a Relationship Coach

As a Master Certified Relationship Coach, I work with singles... Read More

Change the Words and Change the World

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve... Read More

The X-factor

Would you agree that today most of us have the... Read More

Email Etiquette 1

I thought it might be worth visiting some email etiquette... Read More

The Role of Grief Group Facilitators

Technically, there are two types of grief groups. Informational and... Read More

What The Buddha Says About Coaches

There is a Buddhist saying that goes like this: "If... Read More

Why?

I met Sean a year and a half ago in... Read More

Do You See Clearly?

"I don't see how I can just make up my... Read More

Do You Really Need A Home Business Mentor?

Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and... Read More

Success: Cant Achieve It By Yourself? Pay A Professional!

So many people go through the motions of trying to... Read More

God, Grant Me Patience.....And, I Want It Now!!

Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do... Read More

Could You and Your Business Benefit from a Business Coach or a Consultant?

The surprising answer is "probably". Most individuals don't realize that... Read More

Training is Not the Same Thing as Exercising

What it takes to GROW!In almost every workshop we deliver,... Read More