When you read books on personal development and articles about making your life better the emphasis is generally on the positive.
You learn all about deciding what you want and how to get it. However you also need specific guidelines for dealing with situations when nothing seems to be working despite your best efforts.
One of the hardest things to deal with is the fact that some people will dislike you no matter how wonderful you are. The reasons why someone does not like you may be incorrect, unfair or unjust. Yet they still affect how that person deals with you.
I recommend a three step plan to deal with this challenge:
1. Penetrate The Peer Group
Find the peer group of the person who dislikes you and seek to make friends with people in this group. Build a positive reputation with these people one at a time and your public image will shift in the eyes of the person who you are having trouble with.
This is like doing your own P.R. campaign directly to the people who have the most influence over the opinions of the person who dislikes you. Peer group pressure is a powerful way to change the perceptions of a group member.
2. Find Reasons To Like The Person
When someone clearly dislikes you what usually happens next? You start to actively dislike that person in return!
It becomes a feeding frenzy that can spiral out of control very quickly. The other person sees your negative reaction to them and responds accordingly. You feel and see how much disdain they have for you and you respond with more hate. Like a game of tennis the negative feelings bounce back and forth.
You can break this cycle. How? By deciding to find ways to like the person. Here are two ways to get started:
1. Make a quick list of things you like or could like about this person.
Be creative. The more reasons the better.
2. List the ways the person is like you.
This may be an eye opener because we often have very strong reactions to people who display characteristics we dislike about ourselves.
The more reasons you come up with the easier it will be for you to feel positive towards the other person. This change in your non verbal communication will be noticeable and will help ease some of the tension in the air.
This is often when the dynamics of the relationship can shift unexpectedly for the better. Deciding to like the other person regardless of how they are behaving is the first step to making this happen.
At the very least you will feel better. And when you feel better it is a lot easier to find solutions to deal with these tricky situations.
3. Take Baby Steps Towards Greater Rapport
With someone who dislikes you the same rules of rapport still apply only you need to have more patience.
Aim to make slight gradual progress with the person in question and over time you can shift the relationship from negative to neutral and maybe even to positive.
And be kind to yourself if the whole situation still upsets you. It is perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable when someone dislikes you. However it is foolish to roll over and play dead.
Take charge of your communication with this person and aim to improve the situation. The little progress you make will boost your confidence and help you communicate even better with everyone else you ever meet.
About The Author
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
Life is all about choices. And so is the way... Read More
Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal... Read More
We don't change. I imagine such a statement could find... Read More
MOVING THROUGH CHANGECreating any major change in our lives can... Read More
When you read books on personal development and articles about... Read More
"Fortune befriends the bold." - John DrydenI regularly work with... Read More
Most people have no idea where their money goes. They... Read More
The surprising answer is "probably". Most individuals don't realize that... Read More
OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal.... Read More
Whether it is irritability or unmitigated rage, anger is an... Read More
As a coach that specializes in marriage, couples and family... Read More
The other day I was late for something. Not very... Read More
Coaching is a hot trend at a growing number of... Read More
Teachers enter the profession with the desire to help others,... Read More
Are you one of the millions of people who make... Read More
Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic... Read More
Having found a coach you feel comfortable and excited about... Read More
Despite our skills, experience or expertise we can still make... Read More
I was asked the other day : "Kate, is personality... Read More
Michael was raised in a home where anger was used... Read More
Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout.... Read More
Have you ever noticed that so many of us who... Read More
At a time when the global economy is bringing innovation,... Read More
My name is Steve Brummet and my business is to... Read More
I'm almost always a calm and collected person. Or at... Read More
Do you find yourself striving upward in life yet making... Read More
I talk and write a lot about Life Design ?... Read More
I'm working on a coach training certification, and one of... Read More
I have a few questions for you ---What if we... Read More
When I started my sales career over 25 years ago,... Read More
I saw a couple for marriage counseling this week, and... Read More
GOOD BUSINESS COACHING: Clearly, the right kind of coaching can... Read More
Are you facing a difficult time in your life? Do... Read More
We've all experienced the same thing at important crossroads in... Read More
Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but... Read More
Are you looking for someone who will hold you accountable... Read More
I talk and write a lot about Life Design ?... Read More
Have you ever noticed this to be true?The best things... Read More
God must love Top Ten lists because she made so... Read More
When we are ill and don't know it, we are... Read More
January is the king of months for those looking to... Read More
Someone I know wants to move into another job in... Read More
What is it like to be on the receiving end... Read More
During a recent coaching session with Mark, I was briefly... Read More
"Stop and smell the roses," people often say. Then they... Read More
Do you start your day with anger, frustration and annoyance... Read More
Do you know an individual at work who is a... Read More
With life coaching becoming "the" career choice in this millennium,... Read More
1. Pretending You Are Interested When You Are NotDo yourself... Read More
Taking control of your life is getting in touch with... Read More
Ever since the Internet bubble and the 9/11 terrorist attacks,... Read More
I've been through a couple of checklists in the past... Read More
Have you ever noticed that so many of us who... Read More
When I was first introduced to the profession of personal... Read More
Recently my friend Michelle was concerned about a professional conference... Read More
If you are anything like me, you may have noticed... Read More
Never understimate the power of a well-written word. Tens of... Read More
One day when I was in school, many years ago,... Read More
First of all, criticalness breaks up more relationships, than anything... Read More
In the 1950s Abraham Maslow published a book entitled "... Read More
None of us like to think of ourselves as victims.... Read More
Often our clients refer someone to us for Executive Coaching... Read More
The higher you climb the ladder in this organization, the... Read More
Spirituality coaching is more than creating goals and holding someone... Read More
The scenario?The company has decided it needs to eliminate costs.... Read More
Having a mentor can mean the difference between success and... Read More
Coaching |