How Attitude is Everything

"Most overnight successes are just plain lucky. Just ask any failure."

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems begin to look like nails."

Here's a sure-fire prescription for how to fail in the game of life:

Develop an attitude, personality and spirit that are critical, complaining, cynical and comparative.

Demonstrate these characteristics on a regular basis, and I can just about guarantee you failure in life.

How to Be Critical

You've heard it said that some people see the world through rose-colored glasses. The person who has mastered the fine art of criticism sees the world through glasses colored by something I'd rather not mention.

These folks seem to live to find fault in everything with which they come in contact. Because we live in an imperfect world, something or someone can always be criticized.

In order to be truly successful at criticizing, these people must never offer solutions for what they don't like. This is because these folks believe people and things will be motivated to change if they are just criticized enough. It's a full-time job.

Instead: There are times in life when we all need to give and receive criticism. The wisest people know that you can truly benefit from useful criticism.

Criticism is a tool that is used sparingly at best and needs to be coupled with some positive comments as well.

How to Be Complaining

A close cousin to criticism, complaining is a way of life for some. Others have raised it to an art form. Nothing is ever good enough, not even close. If the adults who usually do this were children, they'd be accused of whining.

Again, it's crucial to refrain from offering any suggestions as to what could be improved upon, much less what is appreciated. These folks would complain in heaven, if they ever got there.

Instead: Define the problem, state how it affects you and then offer suggestions for what you would like to be different.

How to Be Cynical

We live in an age where cynicism is thought to be sophisticated. At the same time, remember when smoking was thought to be sophisticated?

In order to be truly cynical, you have to be totally convinced that the world, the people in it, and even yourself are only out for themselves and can never be trusted. Cynicism in its purest form totally rules out the possibility of hope, solutions and joy in life. David Letterman without the humor.

Instead: In no way am I suggesting that we should all approach the world like naive children. Any negative taken to the opposite extreme is still a negative. Instead, keeping a healthy skepticism about you protects you and allows for the possibility of hope, solutions and true passion in life.

How to Be Comparitive

Anyone who has ever been compared to a sibling, teammate or co-worker knows just how fun it is to be around this kind of person. "If only you were more like ... "

Other good comparative things to say are: "This time is not as fun as last time," and "the way you do it here is not nearly as good as we did it back there."

Remember to say these and all comparative statements with a certain air of superiority, nose slightly turned upward for full effect.

Instead: Start with what is working or is good about the situation, and then ask the powerful and rarely asked question:

"How could we make this even better?"

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Change

One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More

Absence Makes The Fear Go Yonder!

Emotions are controlled by a combination of reason and action.... Read More

The Enchanted Cottage

Decades ago, I saw a metaphysical movie that wonderfully illustrates... Read More

Beliefs

Do you realize that what we believe about ourselves, affects... Read More

Why We Shouldnt Worry

Almost everyone experiences some form of worry one time or... Read More

3 Proven Ways To Build Self-Esteem

When someone thinks of a person with self-esteem most people... Read More

Does Lack of Confidence Stop You?

Ever had the sense that there is more to life... Read More

The TRUTH About What REALLY Causes Negative Thoughts

Do you feel that your negative thoughts are holding you... Read More

10 Passion Principles to Creating the Rest of Your Life

1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design.... Read More

Dump Those Negative Tapes

Every time something doesn't go quite right (rather frequently for... Read More

Yourself

With the beginning of a new year, are you happy... Read More

4 Ways You Can Get Over Your Need for Acceptance and Get on with Your Life

Imagine what your life would be like if you could... Read More

Establish What you Want with NLP

Recently, a lady came to see me and she had... Read More

The Power of a Positive Attitude

You wake up in the morning sleepy and fatigued; the... Read More

Mental Fitness For Confidence And Winning In Life

Studies show that men and women profit most with having... Read More

Using Negative Experience to Discover Your Strength

"Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you, hungry before... Read More

7 Steps To Change Your Life

The quality of your life is directly related to your... Read More

An Exercise To Open Your Mind To Your Possibilities

Everything exists twice. First, in your mind. Later, before you... Read More

The Power Of AND

Not Amen, just so we're clear on that.AND.The little connector... Read More

Living with Chronic Illness & Disorders: Are You a Survivor?

Once upon a time, I was a vibrant, youthful teenager...My... Read More

Heres Your Calm During The Storm Of Discouragement

Have you ever known someone like this? "A person who... Read More

Garbage Words In - Garbage Thinking Out

"At birth, a baby's brain contains 100 billion neurons, roughly... Read More

Is The Glass Half-full Or Half-empty?

Keep focusing on the fullness of your life: Keep remembering... Read More

Big Move to a Small Town

I'm getting calls from folks who say, "I hear you... Read More

Whats My Life All About?

What's my life all about is the question so many... Read More

Why Should You Forgive?

When I teach private Yoga sessions, sometimes, I become aware... Read More

Eight Simple Anger Management Tips

"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant.... Read More

When Things Go Wrong As They Sometimes Will... Dont Get Your Knickers In A Twist!

In frustration it's easy to jump to false conclusions that... Read More

Aging

Aging is a matter of the mind.The years may creep... Read More

Self-Recovery from Addiction: Taking Responsibility for Your Life

I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More

Reframing Rejection

So people will reject us no matter how good we... Read More

Anger And Your Driving

Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More

Life Is Not Always Fair

I once heard the story of a grown bear that... Read More