Dont Let Failure Go To Your Head

I watched as an 8-year-old All-Star slid dramatically into second base. Yet the umpire gave the dreaded signal, "Out!" The crowd yelled, "That's OK. Way to hustle! Great try!"

Another little fellow swings the bat with all the power he can muster?three times without hitting the ball. Each time, the fans encouraged, "Good swing! Now just pick out a good one and make contact! Watch it over. You can do it!" Then the strike-out. "That's OK, man. Next time."

I eavesdroppped as one of the coaches talked to my grandson Joseph's team, who had just lost their second in the double elimination tournament. "We have nothing to be ashamed of. You guys played hard and you played well. The other team just played a little better this time. You're gonna keep practicing and next year, you'll come back and you'll be great!"

I was impressed as Steven, another coach, modeled for his young protégés the responsibility he was trying to teach. In front of the whole team, he apologized to Adam for his own mistake in signaling the boy to run on to third base in a play that resulted in an out. He didn't want the young man to blame himself for something that wasn't his fault.

Maybe you're thinking, "Of course, we tell them those things. We don't want them to get discouraged. We want them to keep trying and not give up."

Exactly.

We instinctively know what we need to do the keep these little guys motivated and encouraged.

(Most of us, that is. Unfortunately, in the last few years of attending these games, I have heard occasionally heard some children being subjected to loud, harsh criticism from insensitive parents. I admit I was savoring the idea of punching them out when I was deterred by picturing the next day's headlines in the Hattiesburg American!)

HOW DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?

You know how to encourage others. But do you do as well with yourself? Do you know how to keep yourself encouraged in the face of failure and setbacks? Take this short quiz.

1. When you make a mistake, do you ever talk to yourself harshly and judgmentally, like this? "You idiot! Can't you do anything right? You should have known better."

Think about it. What if you had a spouse or a boss that talked to you this way? How would this affect your performance? Your morale? Your confidence?

Why not use more encouraging words to yourself, like the fans to the Little Leaguers? Talk to yourself about the effort you made, the little ways that your most recent try showed improvement over the last, and the things you learned from the failed attempt.

2. Do you ever generalize from a specific performance failure to seeing yourself as a general failure?

In other words, you didn't fail that test. You're a failure as a student. You didn't lose that contract. You're a dud as a salesperson.

Change that! Talk to yourself about the specific situation. Don't overgeneralize.

3. When you don't accomplish what you had hoped, do you tell yourself, "This is always the way it is for me?"

In other words, do you view the failure as a never-ending pattern?

Challenge that hope-robbing perspective. If you are to keep hope and keep trying, you must see your failures as temporary. Get to work and find out how you can do better next time.

4. Do you make yourself responsible for things over which you have no control?

Recognize your human limits. Others make their own choices about what they do, despite your best efforts. There are very real conditions that impact your success at a task, no matter how skillfully and diligently you try. Take responsibility for doing your best, but be realistic about what you can control and what you can't.

BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

If you have trouble changing the habit of talking negatively to yourself, here's another tool you can use. Imagine that your best friend were telling you about the situation you're in, and that the words being used were self-berating?like yours. What would you say to him or her? How would you encourage him or her to find the best in the situation and keep trying?

See?you do know how to do it. Now, do that for yourself. If you aren't your own best friend, who will be?

Dr. Bev Smallwood is a psychologist who has worked with organizations across the globe for over 20 years. Her high-energy, high-content, high-involvement Magnetic Workplaces (r) programs provide dozens of practical strategies and skills that can be put to work immediately to:

  • build strong leaders who influence and develop others through serving

  • energize, motivate, and retain team members

  • successfully accomplish important organizational transitions

  • impress customers and build their loyalty

    • Review a complete list of her programs available for your convention or corporate meeting at the website, www.MagneticWorkplaces.com

    In The News:

    pen paper and inkwell


    cat break through


    3 Clever Ways To Stop Procrastinating

    Stopping procrastination can be challenging, especially since you can't put... Read More

    Top 5 Reasons Why Youre Not Living Your Dream

    1. "I'm too old to make a change." Maybe you're... Read More

    Is Fear Killing Your Dreams?

    "You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in... Read More

    The Downward Spirals Of Life - Top Ten Steps For Freeing Ourselves From

    Some people call them vicious circles or cycles. I prefer... Read More

    Keeping Perspective: When Bad Things Happen That Are Not Life Threatening

    The very first thing to question is how important is... Read More

    The P Word... Procrastination

    A problem many of us are familiar with. Its showing... Read More

    Two Ways to Feel Fear

    In a memorable Depression-era radio speech on the radio, President... Read More

    No Regrets

    MY FOUR-MINUTE DANCING CAREERA few years ago, I decided to... Read More

    Top 4 Reasons Women Ride The ?Emotional Roller-Coaster?

    1. Women have learned and are in the habit of... Read More

    Seven Habits Of Ineffective People

    For maximum effectiveness in life, love or business, it helps... Read More

    What If I Fall Flat On My Face?

    I hope you do. Sounds awful, I know. But I... Read More

    Thinking for Success - The Same Method Does Not Work For Everyone

    I am always concerned that there are so many books... Read More

    Head First: 6 Simple, Must-Do Steps to Achieving Extraordinary Results!

    What important goal have you set for yourself? What is... Read More

    Life Doesnt Have A Sell By Date

    Or does it?Best on or before?.. Nearly everything we touch... Read More

    Define Your Own Future - Shatter The Crystal Ball!

    When I decided to look into remote viewing, I had... Read More

    A Surfing Lesson

    I've never surfed in my life. Sometimes people tell me... Read More

    Book Summary: If Life is a Game, These are the Rules

    This #1 New York Times bestseller offers some useful and... Read More

    Practice, Practice, Practice

    It may sound silly but the key to self-confidence and... Read More

    Being Determined - What Good Will That Do?

    'Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability... Read More

    Avoid This Tendency And Youll Press Beyond Your Limits!

    Inside of every one of us is the desire to... Read More

    A Turning Point

    19 years ago, I was a young working mother at... Read More

    Half Dome, A Story About Your Future Success

    The physical journey mirrors very accurately the spiritual journey of... Read More

    Finding Yourself: Finding Passion Series - 1 of 3

    We have been told that the things we don't like... Read More

    Breaking Through Resistance

    Why is it that every time you start something new,... Read More

    Is Your Passion Fizzling Out?

    Starting a business or project is one thing, keeping it... Read More

    Getting Out of a Rut

    Are you feeling bored or restless? Do you need to... Read More

    Secrets to Motivating Yourself and Others

    There is hardly anything more personal that what motivates each... Read More

    Live On Fire

    Words seem inadequate to describe the beauty and abundance that... Read More

    Change 101: How to Get the Changes You Desire

    Here's a bold statement:Change can be simple and easy.It really... Read More

    6 Simple Steps To Accelerating your Learning

    What is Accelerated learning?Simply put, accelerated learning is the ability... Read More

    What are You Waiting for?

    Do it now! Whatever it is you have been putting... Read More

    4 Secret Ways to Stop Procrastinating

    Ever wonder how to stop procrastinating?I was recently talking with... Read More

    Five Great Ideas From Aristotle

    It was Socrates who said that the purpose of philosophy... Read More