Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you.

Of course, I'm writing this article "tongue in cheek" to make a point. But I can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That's because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure.

So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be "turn offs" to your spouse. In quote marks is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), I've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning.

1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex-the same time and same place every week.

"That way, you don't have to wonder when you'll have sex-Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom-just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?"

(How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.)

2. Follow exactly the same "plays" and "moves" each time.

"This way you both know what to expect each time. It's just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it's not really necessary, is it?"

(Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex).

3. Drink a lot first so that you're loosened up.

"If your mate doesn't like the smell or wishes you wouldn't drink so much before sex, it's just too bad. You can't let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?"

(Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.)

4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex.

"Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you're ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?"

(Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.)

5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you're married.

"Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?"

(When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.)

6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says "okay."

"If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn't really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?"

(Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.)

7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately.

"It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can't afford to waste time."

(The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.)

8. Criticize your spouse's sexual performance.

"After all, you're only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It's not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique."

(You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.)

9. Criticize your spouse's physical appearance.

"If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you're doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It'll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run."

(The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.)

10. Answer your cell phone during sex.

"You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what's the big deal? It's not like you'll never have sex again. You've been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?"

(Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.)

11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you're satisfied.

"Don't ask your partner if there's anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything's okay unless your mate says something."

(If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.)

12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards.

"The faster you get finished, the faster you'll be able to get to sleep. There's no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast."

(Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.)

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

In The News:


pen paper and inkwell


cat break through


Six Ways to Decorate Your Wedding Arch

Sometimes a wedding arch is a no-brainer way to spruce... Read More

Wedding Gown Styles

The wedding gown is most important choice for a bride... Read More

Creating A Prenuptial Agreement

Embarking upon a marriage is a wonderful time in life... Read More

Renewing Your Marriage Vows - On the Right Side of the Law

Movies, sitcoms and soapies made in the United States could... Read More

Wedding Planning -- Staying Within Your Wedding Budget

Planning and organizing a wedding budget can greatly reduce the... Read More

Wedding Loans in the UK ? Saving Future from the Present Wedding Expenses

It is wrong if you thought that typical British weddings... Read More

Is Your Heart Set On An Antique Engagement Ring?

As Mark Twain said "Let us not be too particular;... Read More

The Brides Greatest Ally

On Friday, 1st May 1835, Mr Charles Dickens, the creator... Read More

How to Write a Love Letter

Let's talk about writing love letters.Not candy coated pap. Not... Read More

Arizona Wedding Reception

The Arizona Inn is just the place that you are... Read More

Las Vegas Wedding Chapels

In Las Vegas, once you get your marriage license you... Read More

Groomsmens Gifts

Your groomsmen will be donating their time to your big... Read More

A Unique Diamond Engagement Ring ? In Platinum

Diamond engagement rings for many years typically came in the... Read More

Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage,... Read More

Unique Beach Wedding Receptions

The most unique beach wedding reception ideas are sparked by... Read More

Italian Honeymoon Vacations

Going to Italy on a honeymoon vacation could be the... Read More

Love Connections - How Wonderful They Are

I've been noticing a few things lately that a few... Read More

Living in LOVE : Remembering Why You Married

The kids are yelling, the dog is barking, and you... Read More

Marriage Counseling: How to Keep Jealousy From Destroying Your Marriage

Jealousy has often been called the "green-eyed monster," and with... Read More

3 Steps to Marrying the Right Person

Marrying for love, financial security and/or companionship does not guarantee... Read More

Wedding Flowers -- Determining What You Need

Wedding flowers make up a large part of the wedding... Read More

Wedding Gifts for Second Marriages

Second marriages can be a tricky situation for a variety... Read More

Wedding Flowers: How It Emulates Your Personality

Your wedding day, what is presumed to be the happiest... Read More

A Summer Wedding

THE sunshine had come out to ensure the wedding of... Read More

Caribbean Honeymoon Vacation - a Fancy Trip!

This season, a Caribbean honeymoon vacation will give you unlimited... Read More

Honeymoon Registries: A Guide to Asking for Your Honeymoon as a Wedding Gift

Is the cost of your wedding putting the honeymoon of... Read More

Conquer the Five Most Common Fears About Your Wedding Ceremony

It's safe to say that of all the important events... Read More

How to Save Money on Wedding Photography

All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the... Read More

Marriage Counseling Advice: Give Your Spouse Space to Breathe and Grow

When you're married, the boundaries between yourself and your spouse... Read More

How To Tell An Extraordinary Wedding Disc Jockey From Someone Who Could Ruin Your Reception

You have your band (around your finger), now it's time... Read More

Planning Your Wedding Reception

Great deals can be found when you know how much... Read More

Irreversible

My husband had two affairs last year. I am pretty... Read More

Ten Tips for Writing Your Perfect Wedding Vows

1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender... Read More