Twelve Ways to Make Your Spouse Dislike Sex

It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been great sex. If that's your goal, following these twelve suggestions will ensure that, over time, your spouse will become very creative in finding ways to avoid having sex with you.

Of course, I'm writing this article "tongue in cheek" to make a point. But I can assure you that these behaviors will detract from your sexual relationship with your partner. That's because sexual feelings are vulnerable to being affected by so many other factors, such as self-esteem, expectations, criticism, emotional intimacy, and pressure.

So here are the behaviors guaranteed to be "turn offs" to your spouse. In quote marks is the faulty reasoning that gets marriages into trouble. In parentheses (...), I've added a counterweight to the faulty reasoning.

1. Develop a set routine for when you want to have sex-the same time and same place every week.

"That way, you don't have to wonder when you'll have sex-Sunday night at 9:00 p.m. in the bedroom-just like clock work. No use leaving it to chance, right?"

(How boring. Try adding excitement by surprising your mate with something slightly new and different.)

2. Follow exactly the same "plays" and "moves" each time.

"This way you both know what to expect each time. It's just too much work to come up with different things to try, and after the honeymoon period, it's not really necessary, is it?"

(Instead, remember a variation on the old saying that variety is the spice of life... and of sex).

3. Drink a lot first so that you're loosened up.

"If your mate doesn't like the smell or wishes you wouldn't drink so much before sex, it's just too bad. You can't let your spouse tell you what to do, can you?"

(Consistent and excessive intoxication during sex is a big turn-off and could indicate deeper problems.)

4. Only touch your spouse when your goal is to have sex.

"Save your hugs, wet kisses, and holding hands until you're ready to signal that you want sex. That way your partner will associate your touch with sex and know what to expect, get my drift? Cuts down on misunderstandings, doesn't it?"

(Actually, the best sex can be the result of hours or even days of buildup with no obvious sign of sex on the horizon. During this time, any sign of affection - a touch, a hug, some compliments - can be powerful foreplay that builds to ignite passion.)

5. Expect your spouse to deliver the sexual goods because you're married.

"Your mate knows that every 'good' marriage partner owes sex to the other partner as part of his or her 'duties.' After all, isn't this supposed to be one of the benefits of being married?"

(When sex becomes an obligation, it becomes as appealing as paying taxes. Instead, if your goal is to make the experience breathtaking for your partner, you'll never have to invoke guilt or obligation to get sex.)

6. Push for sex even if your spouse seems reluctant and uninterested as long as he or she says "okay."

"If the verbal agreement is there, ignore the behavioral signals that indicate reluctance. If your spouse didn't really want to have sex, he or she should have said so up front, right?"

(Pay close attention to your mate's body language. That can be more revealing of true interest in sex than words alone. You'll damage your relationship if you forge ahead when your partner only agrees just to get it over with.)

7. Skip foreplay and get to the major action immediately.

"It takes too much time to bother with all that extra stuff. Besides, both of you have to go to work in the morning and need your sleep. You can't afford to waste time."

(The truth is, there is often a direct correlation to the amount of foreplay with the quality of the sex. The better the buildup, the better the payoff.)

8. Criticize your spouse's sexual performance.

"After all, you're only trying to motivate your mate to be a better sexual partner. It's not healthy to keep things in, so he or she will just have to listen to your critique."

(You will get more satisfying performance out of your mate by praising what he or she does that you like, rather than the contrary.)

9. Criticize your spouse's physical appearance.

"If your partner has developed a beer belly or gotten flabby, you're doing him or her a favor to say how much that turns you off. It'll motivate your spouse to lose weight and shape up, which will help him or her in the long run."

(The rule is: use positive strokes to motivate your partner. Negative criticism will poison your sex life.)

10. Answer your cell phone during sex.

"You just never know; this call might be important. Anyway, what's the big deal? It's not like you'll never have sex again. You've been having sex for years now, so why should your partner get upset with an occasional interruption?"

(Respect your partner with your undivided attention to get back the same. Minimize all distractions if possible.)

11. Get it over with as fast as possible as long as you're satisfied.

"Don't ask your partner if there's anything you can do for him or her. Just assume that everything's okay unless your mate says something."

(If satisfaction is not mutual, your sex life will suffer. The simple question a couple can ask each other - "How can I please you?" - works wonders.)

12. Jump up immediately and make your get-away afterwards.

"The faster you get finished, the faster you'll be able to get to sleep. There's no time to waste just lying there talking. You can talk tomorrow over breakfast."

(Emotional closeness is the currency of intimacy and you can achieve it by allowing each other to share honest feelings. Pillow talk after sex is one of the best times for this.)

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

---

Catering to Your Wedding

Wedding catering has always been one of the most crucial... Read More

Exotic Island Wedding! Where Dreams Truly Come True in Paradise

As a travel professional considering an exotic island wedding was... Read More

Marriage Counseling: How to Keep Jealousy From Destroying Your Marriage

Jealousy has often been called the "green-eyed monster," and with... Read More

Wedding Speeches Made Easy: Wedding Speech or Best Mans Speech Tips

Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More

Anniversary Gifts that Say I Love You

Exchanging anniversary gifts is a long standing tradition. Many couples... Read More

Fine Plus Size Mother Of The Bride Dresses

There are many choices available when shopping for fine plus... Read More

Wedding Rings

Your wedding rings were meant to last a lifetime. They... Read More

What Can We Learn From the ?Runaway Bride? Story?

Have you heard enough about the "Runaway Bride" yet? Well,... Read More

The Charm of a Gatlinburg Wedding

Nestled in the beautiful Smoky Mountains, Gatlinburg's romantic and beautiful... Read More

Building Your Marriage: Some Thoughts From St. Paul

These verses of Scripture from St. Paul are commonly used... Read More

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

My husband and I have a perfect marriage.There. I said... Read More

Women Sufferings and Infidelity

Her dreams of marriage and collected marriage values disintegrate when... Read More

Slash Your Wedding Ceremony Bills

When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants... Read More

Moissanite Bridal Rings ?True Choice Of The Young Heart

What best way can a bride think of rising to... Read More

An Ethical Alternative to the Conspicuous Excess of the Average Wedding

Many happy couples are turning their backs on the traditional... Read More

Wedding Flowers: How It Emulates Your Personality

Your wedding day, what is presumed to be the happiest... Read More

Wedding Receiving Line Etiquette?Greeting Your Guests with Style

Even though it's a great tradition with a long history,... Read More

Wedding Preparations - Tips To Get You to The Church On Time

For many brides, the wedding ceremony starts long before they... Read More

Alcohol and Wedding Receptions?Everything You Will Need to Know

Sure you want your guests to enjoy themselves at your... Read More

How to Write a Love Letter

Let's talk about writing love letters.Not candy coated pap. Not... Read More

Should You Wear White?

White is traditionally a symbol of purity and as it... Read More

Marriage Counseling: How to Reduce Hurt Feelings When You and Your Spouse Disagree

One of the biggest on-going problems for couples is how... Read More

The Marriage Test

Love should not blind a couple to the realities of... Read More

Capture Your Perfect Moment with a Wedding Website

Not so many years ago, the proposition of a wedding... Read More

Spotlight on the Asian-Themed Wedding

Asian-themed weddings are on the rise, and at first this... Read More

Wedding Day Hair Styles - A Top Ten Checklist

The big day is fast approaching, and the energy of... Read More

11 Things to Remember in Planning Your Wedding

Every woman dreams of her own wedding. May it be... Read More

Your Wedding Countdown

This is intended as a guide to help you plan... Read More

Wedding Rings - How to Choose a Perfect Ring

Selecting a wedding ring isn't as easy as it looks.... Read More

Cheap Wedding Invitations

Your wedding invitations are your announcement to family and friends... Read More

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Wedding Officiants

Tracking down a wedding officiant can be a little intimidating.... Read More

How to Plan Your Wedding and Honeymoon

1. Weddings typically can cost you anywhere around $15,000 or... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 9

When it came to love-making, Napoleon, that short plump bundle... Read More