Marriage Advice: Twelve Steps to Creating an Affair-Proof Marriage

There's no way to absolutely guarantee that your marriage won't be blindsided by an affair on your part or your spouse's, but there are definite steps you can take to greatly reduce the probability of that happening.

It's important to know what you can do to strengthen your marital connection and keep your marriage vibrant and healthy. A rewarding, satisfying marriage that meets the needs of both partners is your best protection against the destructive intrusion of an affair.

So what can you do to "affair proof" your marriage as much as possible? The following twelve steps will guide you in building a stronger marriage partnership and help you and your spouse to withstand the lusty lure of temptation:

1. Make your relationship with your spouse your top priority in the hierarchy involving family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and others.

Make a real commitment of time, energy, and effort to your marriage. You can end up pulled in so many different directions and over-extended that your most valuable and precious relationship can end up at the bottom of the list unless you make it a top priority.

2. Nurture the emotional intimacy in your marriage.

Make time to talk each day, not just about the events that have happened, but also about your feelings. Share on an emotional level-your fears, your frustrations, your joys, your disappointments, and your challenges. Let your partner know how much you value being able to talk to him or her about anything and to connect on a deep level.

3. Show appreciation on a regular basis.

Be generous with compliments and thank you's. Tell your spouse at least once a week how much you appreciate him or her and list the qualities that you love, admire, and respect. Don't worry that you've said these things before-no one gets tired of hearing their good traits praised!

4. Spend time together doing fun things and just "hanging out."

Bonding can deepen when you and your spouse have unstructured time to just relax and hang out together. If every minute of your time together is tightly scheduled and rushed, you'll miss out on opportunities to be spontaneous. Look for fun things to do-a picnic in the park, a hike, trying a new restaurant, going out dancing, or going swimming.

5. Keep your sex life active.

Sometimes being sick or fatigued gets in the way of sexual desire, as does family stress like caring for an ill or aging parent. Certainly the energy and time required to raise children can leave parents drained and "on empty." In spite of these challenges, it's essential to make time for sex. The sobering reality is that most spouses are more vulnerable to flirtations and sexual advances from others when their sex life is unhappy at home.

6. Discuss and resolve issues as they come up.

Don't just bury them or neglect trying to resolve them. Learn how to disagree without being disagreeable and causing long-term damage to your relationship. Above all-communicate, communicate, communicate. Keep the communication door wide open at all times.

7. Talk about the problem of infidelity and know that it can strike any marriage.

Bring the subject out into the open and express your feelings and deepest fears. Brainstorm with your spouse about how you can keep your marriage strong and what the two of you think would be helpful in preventing an affair from happening. Commit to telling your spouse if you feel vulnerable or if things start getting out of control in any situation.

8. Share goals for the present and future that inspire you.

When you and your spouse share common goals that you're passionate about, you will feel closer to each other and more connected. It helps you to feel like a real team. The feeling of partnership is important in deepening commitment to each other. Whatever your mutual dream is, the passion you bring to pursuing it can draw you closer together.

9. Make wise decisions about contact with the opposite sex at work and other settings.

You may encounter special situations and temptations on business trips or at business parties or in your work setting. Talk frankly with your spouse and agree on what you both feel comfortable with. If your spouse is on a business trip and the group goes out dancing, will you be upset if your spouse participates? Plan ahead and head off potential problems.

10. Know the danger signals.

Many affairs have started with individuals sharing intimate personal information with each other on a regular basis while not confiding in their respective spouses. Intimacy can mushroom quickly when secrecy is involved and a feeling of connection develops. Other danger signals are having increased sexual excitement about seeing someone in particular, being in settings with lots of alcohol and drinking when your spouse isn't present, and being more vulnerable than usual due to feelings of loneliness, rejection, or anger at your spouse.

11. Celebrate your love, anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions.

Value your marriage and take advantage of every opportunity to celebrate, such as your wedding anniversary, the date that you met, your spouse's birthday, and any other special days that the two of you share. This helps to keep the romance alive and also to keep your connection strong. Celebrate your love, your time together, your plans for the future, and the priceless present moment.

12. Support each other's goals.

Make a commitment to help your spouse be all that he or she is capable of being. Your marriage is only strengthened when each of you is happy and fulfilled with your life. It's to your advantage to help your spouse reach goals that are important to him or her, even if they aren't your particular goals. Be positive and encouraging of your spouse's desires to live up to his or her potential.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.

---

Getting Great Deals on the Wedding Clothes

If you are planning to have a full wedding that... Read More

Choosing Your Groomsmen: No Matter What They Say, Nobody Must Be In the Wedding Party

Your lovely fiancée has chosen her 'maids, and now you're... Read More

The A To Z Guide For Your Wedding Day

AttendantsAttendants, include the best man, Bridesmaid, ushers, and groomsmen. Generally... Read More

Wedding and Bridal Jewelry

So your not one of those fabulous actresses or models... Read More

Honeymooning on the Waves

Cruising down the river was always deemed by couples the... Read More

Men?s Moissanite Wedding Rings To Beat Other Gifts Any Day

Whoever said diamonds are women's best friends, surely missed on... Read More

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told

When people think about great love stories, more often than... Read More

Common Format Of A Wedding Reception

The following article can be copied but you must keep... Read More

Your Wedding Countdown

This is intended as a guide to help you plan... Read More

Wedding Planning: Involve your Fiancé in 10 Easy Steps

He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now,... Read More

Groomsmens Gifts

Your groomsmen will be donating their time to your big... Read More

Weddings Abroad ? Does Paradise Come At A Price?

For some couples, jetting off to their dream location would... Read More

Marriage Counseling: How to Get the Most Value for Your Time and Money

Marriage counseling is an investment of money, time, and energy... Read More

Understanding Sexuality in Marriage

Your physiological and psychological expressions of sexual behavior during the... Read More

Wedding Invitatation RSVP Cards

When it comes to response/RSVP cards, the goal is to... Read More

Hawaii Honeymoon Vacations - Romanticizing Your Honeymoon!

Hawaii honeymoon vacations could take you to a miracle trip... Read More

Negotiation Strategies Especially for Couples

These guidelines will help you avoid the three most common... Read More

The Definition of Love

I saw real love while working at a cozy, candle-lit... Read More

Engagement Rings & Celebrities

Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement... Read More

Top 5 Wedding Favors and Why

WHAT ARE THE TOP FIVE WEDDING FAVORS AND WHY?At most... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 6

It wasn't the wedding of the century. Six people in... Read More

Wedding Dresses - Frequently Asked Questions

You've gotten engaged and have set the wedding date and... Read More

Gatlinburg Honeymoon Packages

Gatlinburg in Tennessee is the city with streets of art... Read More

Marriage Advice: Ten Danger Signals to Watch for in Your Marriage

Healthy marriages require time, attention, energy, and vigilance. It's not... Read More

The Key to the Perfect Wedding

There are many answers to this question, it all depends... Read More

Bridal Shower Gift Ideas

You've been invited to the bridal shower ? what fun!... Read More

A Honeymoon Like No Other

When it comes to choosing a honeymoon destination it's usually... Read More

Wedding Flowers -- Determining What You Need

Wedding flowers make up a large part of the wedding... Read More

Wedding Anniversary Symbols

Most people are aware that significant wedding anniversaries such as... Read More

Las Vegas Wedding Chapels

In Las Vegas, once you get your marriage license you... Read More

Wedding Speeches Made Easy: Wedding Speech or Best Mans Speech Tips

Have you ever had to give a wedding speech? As... Read More

What You Should Know About Buying Engagement Rings Online

Buying engagement rings online doesn't have to be confusing or... Read More

Design Your Own Beautiful Wedding Ring

It used to be that if you wanted to buy... Read More