Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage.
The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive.
These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse's efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don't love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal.
According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it's when things aren't going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life."
This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what's right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects.
The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It's something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past.
According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis."
The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship."
According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness.
Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
Celebrate your marriage by planning a Florida honeymoon vacation with... Read More
Just like anywhere else in America, there are a variety... Read More
1) Write a mission statement:Most brides spend more time planning... Read More
The selection process of your wedding flowers will usually begin... Read More
Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More
It goes without saying that we all want to look... Read More
It's really not difficult to ruin what could have been... Read More
When it comes to your wedding services alone, nobody wants... Read More
No one wants to pay more than they have to... Read More
India is a diverse, multi-cultural country with people of various... Read More
After seeing each other for years and being tagged as... Read More
Creating a wedding budget is one of the first things... Read More
You can rest assured that the charm of your Maui... Read More
"Las Vegas hotel weddings give you tons of options. You... Read More
There is a huge array of diamond wedding rings available... Read More
The groom traditionally plans the honeymoon. However, most brides prefer... Read More
AttendantsAttendants, include the best man, Bridesmaid, ushers, and groomsmen. Generally... Read More
Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a... Read More
The exact origin of the wedding ring is uncertain and... Read More
"Las Vegas theme weddings are the envy of the world.... Read More
Wedding favors are as unique and varied as the couples... Read More
So, you decided to opt for an outdoor wedding under... Read More
In marriages, many arguments and hurt feelings can be traced... Read More
One of the biggest areas of dispute in estate planning... Read More
The job of choosing the right wedding cake style is... Read More
Your wedding vows are the words that will forever remain... Read More
If bar-hopping and male strippers aren't the bride's idea of... Read More
One of the best benefits of marriage is that you... Read More
Whoever said diamonds are women's best friends, surely missed on... Read More
"Presently, 40% of all first marriages in this country end... Read More
Brides through the ages have accessorized with wedding jewelry to... Read More
The tempo of the music begins to rise. Drums begin... Read More
If the fires of passion in your marriage have been... Read More
Ritual symbolism abounds in everything we do; this is particularly... Read More
Speculation continues about the break-up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer... Read More
Rounding up the guys to devour some barbecued red meat... Read More
In times gone by it wasn't uncommon for young couples... Read More
1. Start with a nice clean piece of paper (lavender... Read More
Save a substantial amount of money on invitations, without sacrificing... Read More
Marriage has to be the greatest opportunity for mindfulness on... Read More
Whether you want to add a little extra romance to... Read More
This is something that we've started to send to all... Read More
The typical wedding reception entertainment scheme of pretty flowers and... Read More
The formula for marital harmony and success is not a... Read More
As a travel professional considering an exotic island wedding was... Read More
Original gift ideas for your Bridesmaids and Bestman.What better way... Read More
Want to manage your wedding guests with style and ease?... Read More
Ben* has been happily married for 19 years. He recently... Read More
Whether we like it or not current trends in engagement... Read More
Henry Vlll and Elizabeth Taylor, who between them had fourteen... Read More
For better or worse, in people's minds weddings and wedding... Read More
Time was when you'd open a wedding invitation you'd find... Read More
In Part One, we looked at what wives really want... Read More
There's no doubt about it, weddings can be expensive. The... Read More
Any marriage counselor will tell you that one of the... Read More
Once upon a time a caveman, while out for a... Read More
Through my personal & professional coaching practice, marital issues often... Read More
Being apologetic doesn't come easily for me. Unfortunately, being inconsiderate... Read More
The elegant and sophisticated look of glittering, gleaming gold. There's... Read More
It wasn't the wedding of the century. Six people in... Read More
Games can make or break a shower. The best can... Read More
How many times has your anniversary come around and you... Read More
The most important day of your life is drawing near... Read More
Today's tech savvy couples are plugging in and creating unique... Read More
If there are wedding bells in your future, then surely... Read More
Great deals can be found when you know how much... Read More
Marriage & Wedding |