New Findings on Happiness Have Implications for Rocky Marriages

Not only do individuals who follow Time Magazine's "Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life" suggestions (Time, January 17, 2005, p. A8-A9) increase their own level of happiness, they also increase the odds that they can keep their marriage.

The same actions that can lead to a more satisfying life are the ones that can help to improve a troubled marriage. Two of the Time suggestions are to count your blessings by keeping a gratitude journal and to learn to forgive.

These same steps are necessary to maximize a spouse's efforts to cope with a marriage that is in danger of falling apart. In their book Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse says "I don't love you anymore" co-authors Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D. and Lee Hefner also advise spouses to keep a gratitude journal.

According to Wasson and Hefner, this might seem like a strange recommendation, but it's when things aren't going well that you most need to look for the positive things that are present in your life. They write, "A gratitude journal gives you a nudge to remind yourself of the many blessings already present in your life...Being aware of your blessings gives you a broader, more balanced perspective of your life."

This, they contend, jump starts the process of being able to see an increased number of positives instead of overlooking them as people in crisis often do. While spouses may start out listing positives such as watching a beautiful sunset, the process makes it easier for them to begin noticing what's right about their partner and marriage instead of only focusing on the negative aspects.

The co-authors also agree with the Time suggestion of learning to forgive as a key ingredient in a happy life. They state that "Forgiveness involves letting go of resentment and blame. It's something that you do for yourself when you are ready to let go of depleting anger." Wasson and Hefner contend that shaky marriages are usually full of grudges and hurts from the past.

According to Dr. Wasson, "Someone has to take the lead in making healthy changes that can change the present dynamics of blame and resentment. One partner deciding to forgive themselves and the partner for not being perfect can have an amazing impact on the marriage and its chances to survive the crisis."

The Time article recommends writing a letter of forgiveness to the person who has hurt or wronged you. Co-author Hefner sees this as a "courageous step of taking responsibility for your own happiness and well-being, as well as the health of your relationship."

According to the Time article, University of Illinois psychologist Edward Diener, a.k.a. Dr. Happiness, has found that loss of a spouse is one of two life events that seem to "knock people lastingly below their happiness set point." (The other is loss of a job.) Seventy-three percent of participants in a recent Time poll responded that their relationship with their spouse or partner or their love life is a major source of happiness.

Based on the current findings, Wasson and Hefner state that it makes more sense than ever to recognize the potential of a marriage to boost happiness and health and to work to keep and improve it.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" The e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com , where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Contact Nancy at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

---

Your Wedding Invitation?s in the (e)Mail: Pros and Cons of the Virtual Wedding Invitation

From purchasing the garter to choosing the photographer, brides (and... Read More

Marriage Tips: Breathe Your Way to a Happier Marriage

One way to increase your chances of enjoying a happy... Read More

A Look at Maui Wedding Cakes

Since Maui and Hawaii in general have been blessed with... Read More

8 Questions Brides Ask About Setting up a Wedding Registry

In theory, setting up a registry is simple. You decide... Read More

Wedding Day Hair Styles - A Top Ten Checklist

The big day is fast approaching, and the energy of... Read More

New Trends for Wedding Favors 2005

Wedding favors have evolved over time. Wedding favors today combine... Read More

The Right Age To Marry!

An ideal combination. A good career, a great husband and... Read More

Improve Your Marriage With Better Communication

Communication plays one of the most important roles in any... Read More

Maid of Honor Duties

Being chosen as a maid of honor is a great... Read More

Top Wedding Fitness Questions (and their answers)

As a Personal Trainer for brides-to-be, I often get asked... Read More

Extreme Age Differences In Marriage Can Lead To Infidelity

"Extreme age differences between husband and wife may lead to... Read More

Get Organized for Wedding Planning!

You've had friends to your home for dinner. Maybe you've... Read More

Planning the Menu for Your Wedding Reception

When you are planning a budgeted menu, you must first... Read More

Faulty Expectations: 4 Essential Don?ts

The more realistic you are as you prepare for marriage,... Read More

Jewish Wedding Rings - Traditions and Customs and How to Buy Smart

In a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, Jewish wedding rings play... Read More

11 Things to Remember in Planning Your Wedding

Every woman dreams of her own wedding. May it be... Read More

Marriage Tips: Fifteen Ways to Say ?I Love You? in 3 Minutes or Less

To keep romance alive and nurture the intimacy in your... Read More

Is Eloping For You?

Believe it or not, there is etiquette on how to... Read More

Choosing a Maui Wedding Photographer

You can rest assured that the charm of your Maui... Read More

Tips For A Lasting Marriage

My parents gave me this advice about marriage. They have... Read More

How To Hire A DJ For Your Wedding

Hiring music entertainment can arguably be the most important booking... Read More

Tips for Choosing the Right Wedding

The job of choosing the right wedding cake style is... Read More

Wedding Planning: Benefits of Online Wedding RSVPs

Want to manage your wedding guests with style and ease?... Read More

Focus On What Is Important ? Your Wedding Disc Jockey Choice

Your true love got down on his knees and asked... Read More

Unique Beach Wedding Receptions

The most unique beach wedding reception ideas are sparked by... Read More

How to Have a Sizzler of a Honeymoon! Article No. 8

To paraphrase a song, "Are you doing it more, but... Read More

Marital Fulfillment: Tips for Intercultural Couples

Through my personal & professional coaching practice, marital issues often... Read More

2005 Mother Of Bride Dress

A 2005 mother of bride dress tends to have a... Read More

Here Comes the Bride

As we hear the music begin to play the Bridal... Read More

Mexico Honeymoon Vacations

Mexico, a country rich in arts and ancient cultures and... Read More

The Marriage Test

Love should not blind a couple to the realities of... Read More

How to Plan Your Wedding and Honeymoon

1. Weddings typically can cost you anywhere around $15,000 or... Read More

Let Them Eat Cake -- Just Not at Your Wedding

It's a fact, however odd it seems, that some brides... Read More