Self-Preservation Techniques For The Unemployed

Looking for work can be difficult, frustrating, anxiety-provoking, and demeaning.

There are few situations we encounter in life where we feel so powerless. Not only do we have a sense that we have little control over the outcome, but we also feel judged. We become objectified, presented like a colt at a yearling auction or a slave on the bidding block. We walk, we talk, we run around in circles, while the "buyers" look us over, discuss our finer points and weaknesses, and make their decision to buy or reject. We are keenly aware of the competition. There are performance pressures: 30 seconds to make a great first impression, 30 minutes to define ourselves as a person, as a worker, to present a lifetime of skills, experience and knowledge.

We are acutely aware that every word we utter, every body squirm, every gesture, is being observed, assessed, recorded. Regardless of whether we really want the job or not, we want it to be offered as an affirmation that we have worth, that we count. If we attend interview after interview and receive no offers, the demoralization seeps into our subconscious, confirming our deeply defended but strongly entrenched suspicions that we are just "not good enough," that we don't "measure up," that we lack value.

The longer we remain out of work, the more tattered our self-esteem becomes. We start to exhibit that desperate "deer in the headlights" look that makes the likelihood of being offered a position ever more remote.

What can we do to halt this erosion of self-value? How can we survive the challenges of looking for work while keeping our self-confidence, self-value, and self-esteem intact?

Here are three approaches you may find helpful:

1. Don't blame yourself. Economic difficulties, job migration, corporate downsizing, and employer relocation are social realities. Being laid off does not adversely reflect on your personal worth, your skills, your character, nor your value. "If I had been smarter, I'd have seen it coming" thinking leads to self-criticism and a sense that your current plight is somehow of your own making. Put the blame back where it belongs - on an economy that values profits above people and the short term bottom line over long term stability and steady growth.

2. Take time to appreciate yourself. Too often, unemployment carries not only financial pressures but leads to self-destructive thinking: I'm not able to support my family, I'm a loser, I'm not a man, I'm not the superwoman I planned, I don't contribute anything worthwhile to anybody, the world would be better off without me. Since we define so much of what we are by what we do, when we no longer have a title, we lose ourselves. Work, and the income it provides, is important but it is only a part of a whole life, reflecting only a portion of our character, our abilities, our worth. Take the time to remind yourself of your other life roles: husband/wife/significant other, parent, church member, community participant - any roles you play which are not directly related to work. Because you are not temporarily generating an income, and all that stands for, does not mean that you are not contributing significantly in many other areas: to your family, your friends, your community. While reminding yourself of your non-work personal value, make sure that your frustration with job search is not allowed to spill over and poison your other life roles.

3. Reclaim a sense of control. You may be powerless to ensure an appropriate job offer or line up employers who are champing at the bit to take you on, but you do have control over other aspects of your life. Exercising control over anything can re-assert your old balance and generate confidence in your ability to weather the storm. Set up a schedule for yourself which will give you control over your time and your activities, both job search and personal responsibilities, to avert the wasted energy of running in all directions without accomplishing anything. Examine your diet and exercise program and use your extra time to ensure that you are healthy and fit. Explore what the current stress is doing to your relationships and personal interactions and take the time to strengthen personal ties and sources of support, not drive them away in your misery. Review your household budget and identify ways to save, different patterns of spending, and priorities which can be changed.

Yes, being unemployed can be humiliating and depressing and often leads to anxiety, fear, and a permanent sense of insecurity and self-doubt. Using the above and similar strategies can help you emerge from this temporary crisis stronger and with a deeper sense of self and your value, not just as a worker but as a human being.

Virginia Bola operated a rehabilitation company for 20 years, developing innovative job search techniques for disabled workers, while serving as a respected Vocational Expert in Administrative, Civil and Workers' Compensation Courts. Author of an interactive and emotionally supportive workbook, The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual, and a monthly ezine, The Worker's Edge, she can be reached at http://www.virginiabola.com

---

Are You Busy Living or Dying?

If you are not busy living, then you must be... Read More

Risk-taking - Get Your Feet Wet!

We often use the phrase, "Get Your Feet Wet" when... Read More

In Control - Inside Tips on Interview Success

No, you can't control how the interview will be conducted,... Read More

Are Online Degrees Valid to Prospective Employers?

Online distance learning has gained rapid popularity with the advent... Read More

Interview Presentation Skills: Dealing With Your Nerves

Sooner or later, the interview invitation is going to say... Read More

Feng Shui Your Desk for Career Success

Have you used feng shui around your desk? It's a... Read More

Oil, Lube and Filter Employee Pay

We have been studying the labor rates of Oil, Lube... Read More

Telecommuting Cover Letters

Question: How do I market myself online?Answer: With a stellar... Read More

Consultants - If We Cant Laugh At Ourselves?

There are hundreds of varieties of Consultants these days. We... Read More

Finally Revealed: The Top 7 Resume Killers?

During my job search I read dozens of books and... Read More

Fear of Being Outsourced? Fight Back

Me, outsourced? Impossible. How could they replace a business-humor columnist?... Read More

Planning Your Successful Career: 15 Ideas

"Doing a good job is one of the most important... Read More

War Time Hiring: 5 Steps to Attract Top Talent

A recent report, titled "The War for Talent" stated that... Read More

Any Job is an Honorable Job

Seeing your job as an honorable job, adds more meaning... Read More

Acing The Interview

It's no secret that there is a lot of competition... Read More

Why Culinary Education

If you are thinking about a career in culinary arts... Read More

Resumes That Work: 3 Steps to More and Better Interviews

All of us involved with helping you get a new... Read More

5 Steps to a New Job

The economy is picking up, budgets are new, positions are... Read More

Common Résumé Mistakes

Using a general résumé.DON'T DO IT! You cannot successfully use... Read More

Job Hunting Tips: Accepting Judgment

Applying for work is stressful, no matter the circumstances. Even... Read More

Mystery Shopping - An Excellent Part Time Job Or Additional Income Source

Though the name itself may seem a bit mysterious, the... Read More

Applying for a Job in Another Country? International Resumes

Is an International Resume still a Resume? This is a... Read More

How To Type A Resume For Employers

Learning how to type a resume may feel like a... Read More

Could You Write Performance Reviews For Money?

Writing performance reviews can be an excellent way to earn... Read More

Youre Fired!

One-day you're minding your own business and your boss comes... Read More

Dont Stop! Your Transition is Still Moving!

Q. I'm looking for a new job and plan to... Read More

Job Trap; Relationships with Co-workers

Most of us interact with our co-workers on a daily... Read More

How to Overcome a Bad First Impression

Have any of these situations happened to you? Forgetting your... Read More

Avoid Your CV Always Ending Up in the Bin

Cover Letters must grab the reader's interest so that they... Read More

Seven Deadly Types of Job Recruiters

Collect them all!Over the course of six months in my... Read More

Theres No Need to Pad Your Resume

It seems like a good idea, harmless in fact. Your... Read More

How to Reach Outside Yourself to Advance Your Career

When flipping the channels of your TV, you are bound... Read More

Cross Cultural Interviews

At this moment in time, the increase in cross border... Read More