To Tell If You Are A Literary Snob

"I don't know if I should put 'writer' on my business card," I murmured.

"Then don't," my wife said in her infinite wisdom. "Put 'author' on it."

"But if I put 'author' on, none of those big companies with overflowing coffers will want to hire me as a writer," I said, wondering if George Bush needed a speechwriter or if General Motors wanted someone to write the owner's manual for next year's Oldsmobile.

"Fine. Put 'writer' on your card then, and all those fancy people you give it to will know you can write for them."

"But writer looks so small," I pointed out. "I also want Fortune 500 companies to hire me as a speaker, and nobody important hires a writer to speak. They hire authors."

"OK, why don't you put both?" she offered.

"Ho, right. That'll impress them. A writer who can't even write his own business card with duplicating his redundancies," I said. "I might as well shoot myself with my own sword."

In the end, I put "author", figuring I would get most writing jobs over the Internet, but when I speak live I would have to hand out cards to lots of people. An author's autograph would make those people giddy as strawberry Jell-O on the Amtrak Express. Those same people would search nervously for a graceful retreat from the company of a mere writer.

What is it about being an author.? You can author an article or a report or just about anything. And you can be the author of just about anything (including "your own misfortunes"). But you can't be "an author - period" unless you've published a book.

Big warning: writing a book does not count. I have a friend who wrote a book. That makes him a writer, not an author. When he publishes it, only THEN will he be a real author and only THEN will he be entitled to learn the authors' secret handshake. Don't try sneaking into the clubhouse on the scant pretext that your wrote a book. Anybody can write a book. Even a writer. You have to publish the book to get through these gates of glory.

But if my friend does publish, and he does become an author, and he does learn the secret hand shake, then he'll be ready to cross that threshold of pride when a reader he's never met before tells him, "I just couldn't put your book down."

Well, not quite. In fact, his book is about humorous anecdotes from many years in his particular profession. Hmm. That wouldn't qualify him as an author, even if he publishes. It would put him in that blurry purgatory between "writer" "and" "author" in the company of so many silver medal winners who almost made it and whose names we almost remember .

Why? Because he doesn't qualify for that crucial qualifying praise, "I just couldn't put your book down." That comment is reserved for novels, "serious" non-fiction like biographies and history, and how-to books on topics that require wads of glue. Other lowly books just don't count.

But what if a lowly book could attract an " I just couldn't put your book down?" Would that make the writer an author, or would the author remain just a writer?

My book is a self-help book. Climb your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness. Self-help books are certainly not considered second-class books by the literary elite. They wouldn't even let self-help books into fourth class. In other words, mine is not a title any self-respecting New York Times book reviewer would allow to qualify for "I just couldn't put your book down."

At least, not in theory. But several people have said exactly that. (Too bad they said it to me and not to the New York Times.)

One lady even apologized for not calling me back one morning because she had stayed up into the wee hours of the morning reading my book. Now that's the kind of feedback that makes an author smile. What the heck, that kind of feedback would make even a writer smile.

Call me a writer. Call me an author. I couldn't care less. As long as you tell me "I just couldn't put your book down," I'm happy as a pig in ? uh ? Jell-O.

About The Author

David Leonhardt is the Happy Guy, author ?No, make that writer. No, wait. Yes, he's an author. But he's also a writer. And a book reviewer. And a speaker. This article is an excerpt from the popular ebook Musings, written by a dozen prominent authors. Pick up your free copy at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/ happiness-self-actualization-products.html. Or sign up for your free "Daily Dose of Happiness" at http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html

amabaie@phastnet.com

---

A Mode of Transportation

Great writing transports one vicariously to realms that the reader... Read More

Strategies For Finding Topics To Write About

What possibly could I have to write about? I never... Read More

Why Book Writers Need A Running Mate

By far, I have found that the lack of discipline... Read More

The Daily Rite

If you want to be a writer, then you must... Read More

The Spectre Hound

And a dreadful thing from the cliff did spring, and... Read More

Writing Made Them Rich #5: Peter Mayle

Peter Mayle was born in England in 1939.His fascination with... Read More

10 Tips on Writing Effective Dialogue

1. Become an EavesdropperListen carefully to the way people REALLY... Read More

Pairs/Groups Of Words Often Confused - Part 2 of 6

BAITED, BATEDBaited usually refers to traps or snares. When the... Read More

Get Published: The Nuts and Bolts of Good English, and How to Impress a Publisher (3)

A well-punctuated approach letter may make the difference between acceptance... Read More

Writing the KAIZEN Way

Over the past eight years or so, I have tutored... Read More

Gaining Writing Experience

GAINING WRITING EXPERIENCE Some Catch-22, huh? In... Read More

How You Can Take Advantage of the Increasing Demand for Freelance Online Writers

The freelance writing market is a growing market to be... Read More

How to Come Up with Fresh Story Ideas

How to Come Up with Fresh Story Ideas When Your... Read More

Time-Saving Skills to Get More from Your Writing

As you set out to create your first niche non-fiction... Read More

Benjamin Franklin: His Ageless Writing Tips

If Ben Franklin were alive today, he would be...uh, very... Read More

Create A Dream Diary

How many times have you forced yourself to sit in... Read More

9 More Writing Tips for Successful Email Marketing

A few months ago, I wrote a guide entitled: 101... Read More

Make Your Readers Cry

You know, I really hate it when someone catches me... Read More

Why I Write

I started writing as a way of keeping safe memories... Read More

Essay Types and Modes Youll Need to Write for College

~TYPES~You Want Us to Write What? Understanding the Task AssignedWhich... Read More

The Top Five Mistakes That Companies Make with Regard to Technical Documentation

I've seen it time and again. One of the most... Read More

Extreme Research: 10 Snappy Rules For Success

So you want to learn to research well, and not... Read More

To Tell If You Are A Literary Snob

"I don't know if I should put 'writer' on my... Read More

Top Ten Great Headline Ideas

What Makes a Great Headline?Headlines are far more important than... Read More

Under The Leaded Sky in Serbia by dr Mirjana Radovic

When one population in one century survived five wars, two... Read More

Keep your Book Dream Alive

Is your book nearly finished, finished, published, or even in... Read More

Freelance or Staff

There is no doubt that a staff writer enjoys advantages... Read More

A Perfect Day for Writers

In one of the exercises in my "Getting Started as... Read More

The Iniquitous Slip

All the famous writers I heard of could paper the... Read More

Tips for First Time Authors : 2 Easy Steps to Make Your First Book a Success

Congratulations on writing your first book. That is quite an... Read More

Have You Settled On First Choice When Choosing A Title?

Short Story Writing Tips -We've established what a title should... Read More

8 Great Journaling Tips

Mix a martini, don't forget the olives, or pour yourself... Read More

7 Reference Books for Your Desk

I hate to admit this, but I rarely get an... Read More