"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them." -- Khalil Gibran
Our life works and can be full of joy when we make effective choices. Our life can be full of sorrow if we make ineffective choices.
Chooser vs. Victim
As a child, choices were made for me and I had little power over what happened to me. This is normal for children, but when we take this attitude as adults I call it being a "victim"
The opposite of being a victim is to be "The Chooser"
The concept of choice is remarkable, and that we have choices I consider to be a fact. Though in my life, I've forgotten this fact many times when I was impulsive or reactive.
I find it challenging to take responsibility for my failures and pain as being the result of my own choices. I want to blame myboss, my ex-wife, the other driver, my parents; and for awhile I did.
I've had many wake-up calls that acting out of ignorance or impulse doesn't absolve me of responsibility for making a bad choice.
When I was sixteen, a new driver, and got a ticket for making a U-turn across a double-yellow line I told the cop honestly that I didn't know it was against the law, and felt it grossly unfair that he ticketed me anyway.
I fought the ticket in traffic court and lost. My only defense was "I didn't know! I didn't mean to break the law!" The judge told me ignorance was not an excuse for breaking the law. That was one of my first wake-up calls that as an adult, I would be held accountable for my choices even if they were unconscious. Scary thought.
We live in a victim culture. It's usually the other guy's fault that we go to war, get into a car accident, lose our money in stocks, get a divorce. While victim-hood might make us feel better and in the right, it also makes us helpless and perpetuates our problems.
The Law of Attraction
What do you want? A fulfilling life and relationship? A loving family? Success in your work? Peace in the world? I've learned that to get what you want you must BE THE CHOOSER.
Being the chooser means taking the initiative to create what you want, taking full responsibility for your outcomes, and making your choices mindful of their long-term consequences.
There is a law of the universe as powerful as the law of gravity that helps choosers and brings suffering on victims. It's called the "Law of Attraction." Just like "what goes up must come down;" "what is inside shows up on the outside," "energy follows attention," and "what you believe you can achieve."
If you believe you don't have a choice, you won't.
If you shove responsibility for your choices and outcomes outside of yourself, the law of attraction will try to teach you to take responsibility by repeating the lesson over and over until you get it.
This is the origin of crime, war, and most other sources of human suffering.
I want to be happy and fulfilled. I want you to be happy and fulfilled. I've learned that happiness comes from within, by taking responsibility as an adult for my choices and outcomes. I've learned that I need to be "The Chooser" in my life and my heartfelt desire is that I can inspire you to be The Chooser as well.
Be The Chooser
We have the knowledge and technology to create a wonderful life for ourselves and society for our children. Most of our social problems, such as crime, war, poverty, violence, disease, divorce, homelessness, and more, is the result of ineffective choices. Unfortunately, these social problems will continue as long as people believe they don't have a choice about them.
Choosers know what they want and how to get it. In charge of their lives, Choosers take responsibility for what happens. Being a Chooser takes a certain amount of confidence and effort, but anyone can be one! Being The Chooser means taking initiative for your outcomes: you are in charge of creating what you want in life. You do not restrict yourself to what or who chooses you.
Very often, we are not aware of the range of choices available to us. We are often unaware of our power to choose, and of the true power of our choices. We might make choices unconsciously, reactively or impulsively. We might be unaware of the long-term consequences of our choices.
A.I.M. To Be The Chooser
Step 1: Be AWARE that you have choices
You are never stuck! You always have choices, even if you don't know what your choices are. Don't allow impulse or lack of information to result in a poor choice.
Step 2: IDENTIFY your choices
Always assume there are more choices than you are aware of. Seek to identify a variety of the choices available to you, mindful that "you don't know what you don't know." Identify productive choices and don't settle for unproductive choices.
Step 3: MAKE productive choices
Use all the information available to you to make the best choice possible to achieve the outcome you desire. Evaluate a choice based upon the likely long-term consequences of that choice.
If you want to be the Chooser, here are some things you have control over and can DO:
- BE CREATIVE: Seek new ideas and opportunities beyond the immediate past and present
- BE A RISK TAKER: Accept rejection and failure as part of life, and don't take it personally
- BE ASSERTIVE: Ask for what you want, and say "no" to what you don't want
- BE PROACTIVE: Don't merely react to events, or habitually wait for things to happen
- BE GOAL-ORIENTED: Clearly define and vigorously pursue your goals
- ASSUME ABUNDANCE: Believe there will always be plenty of opportunities and resources
- BE POSITIVE: Always anticipate success
"Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously.
If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.
You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself." -- Senator Robert F. Bennett (R-Utah)
©2005 by Relationship Coaching Network / All rights reserved http://www.relationshipcoachingnetwork.org
David Steele, MA, LMFT is Founder and CEO of Relationship Coaching Institute, and author of the upcoming book "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World" to be published October 2005, from which this article is excerpted.
For more information visit http://www.ConsciousDating.com
If we all got everything we wanted, most of us... Read More
The purpose of the Desire Statement is to support you... Read More
Having good communication skills in the workplace is important. This... Read More
Intelligent conversation is one of life's pleasures. I love nothing... Read More
Recently, I came across something strikingly shocking, fascinating, obscure, and... Read More
Who's World Is It?Who's world really is it? Is it... Read More
This article was written for one purpose:To explain to you... Read More
There is an art and a science to prosperity. The... Read More
The late Cuban singer and queen of salsa, Celia Cruz,... Read More
Where does our motivation come from? What makes us want... Read More
During a recent speech, I told the audience that my... Read More
Most of the time, we attract by 'default' rather than... Read More
Are you clear on your unique qualities, talents and personal... Read More
On Valentine's Day, or any romantic interlude, lovers should woo... Read More
Good luck was not part of my life for many... Read More
That which you desire to remove from your life is... Read More
For many years I had a good life. My illness... Read More
We human beings naturally have two kinds of state that... Read More
Your mind power makes what you focus on happen. You... Read More
Congratulations! You are the world's expert.That's right: you are the... Read More
Stepping outside your old limitations and 'out of the box'... Read More
What's most astounding is that the vast majority of business... Read More
We see it and do it enough times to know... Read More
Are you ready to birth a dream and not sure... Read More
Are you on the road yet? If not, pony up... Read More
Here is an exercise for you that will develop what... Read More
To create true, lasting prosperity, almost any guru can tell... Read More
Last month I was on another adventure, fishing Dog Lake... Read More
What is a values-based life? A values-based life is a... Read More
Without appreciation, any success you have will be in vain... Read More
The art of conversation is a skill shared by most... Read More
This is the third of seven articles in our continuing... Read More
Truth To Live By:What truths do you live by? Are... Read More
First of all, you have to trust that you are... Read More
Most people want to be liked appreciated loved and adored... Read More
Whilst everyone seems hell bent on becoming "wealthy" at all... Read More
1. Emotion: We are emotional creatures and as in all... Read More
Just about everybody gets them...I had them just recently...Yup, I... Read More
Evolution is nothing but seeking with clarity, demanding clarity at... Read More
How a few people become the worst victims of life's... Read More
Perhaps, you have heard the phrase "May the force be... Read More
Do you know any people who seem to attract bad... Read More
Christmas is all around us, and many people are making... Read More
Do you have the necessary attributes to be a successful... Read More
Hello Creative Entrepreneurs!I hope this finds you all doing well... Read More
If we could choose right now, this moment, how we... Read More
Tip #1. Find your purpose. Finding one's purpose is the... Read More
Seth, the very high level, spiritual teacher and guide channeled... Read More
I've navigated plenty of speed bumps on life's road. My... Read More
Growing up, we all had a mental picture of the... Read More
I would like you to give your full attention to... Read More
The pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of pain are... Read More
Once one becomes present to his or her self-limiting belief,... Read More
"Before I had a lot of money, I was really... Read More
How much happiness is there in a piece of paper... Read More
There is an inherent problem with the approach most people... Read More
Making a fabulous impression on people opens doors for your... Read More
Do you remember the feeling of seeing someone you were... Read More
What is a values-based life? A values-based life is a... Read More
Have you heard yourself or others say: "This has shown... Read More
Most folks who know me, know that when people write... Read More
Did you know that appreciation is one of the most... Read More
In the USA we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday... Read More
You probably know a few. These gals marry the millionaire.... Read More
What's In a Name?How often have you thought about the... Read More
"It's choice ? not chance ? that determines your destiny."... Read More
Attraction |