Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.
OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.
We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.
But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.
The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.
The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.
He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."
But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.
And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.
This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey ? a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.
Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.
"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.
"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.
The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."
So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house ? we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits ? and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).
No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.
Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.
About The Author
David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.
Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com
David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
Standing and walking on the hind legs are tricks that... Read More
In the animal kingdom there is a pecking order. Richard... Read More
PROBIOTICS - The Good Bacteria - Does your pet have... Read More
To teach a dog to jump, with your right hand... Read More
The performing of dog tricks, while not a necessary part... Read More
Dog clicker training is so much fun for both dogs... Read More
Have you ever wondered what a dog thinks, or if... Read More
For thousands of years, dogs have been "man's best friend."... Read More
A couple of years ago a Japanese electronics company came... Read More
Fleas have plagued dogs, cats, and their owners since time... Read More
You Must Be The Alpha DogFirst, let's take a look... Read More
Which parrot is right for me? This is a question... Read More
Boxer Dogs Information - What Are Boxer Dogs? Boxer dogs... Read More
1.) Versatility- A good dog trainer will use techniques and... Read More
Of the thirty-three terrier breeds (most of which were first... Read More
Your poor pooch is scratching himself all over. Plus, you... Read More
Stingrays will eat a wide variety of foods. Maintaining a... Read More
All breeds and sizes of dogs can be taught easily... Read More
Everyday someone asks me, "How do you start a pet-sitting... Read More
Breeding tropical fish can be a lot of fun. Try... Read More
Dog training can provide a tremendous amount of satisfaction. Every... Read More
Rabbits are one of the most popular pets, apart from... Read More
What is Canine Distemper?Canine distemper is a highly contagios disease... Read More
Dog obedience training starts even before you get your puppy... Read More
Teaching your puppy crate training is the first and best... Read More
Ever had a hankering for a certain breed of dog?... Read More
How important is a dog name? Well let's think about... Read More
For heat dissipation and body cooling, a horse trotting at... Read More
Get to know your beloved dog better with these insightful... Read More
Whether you are searching for something to say "Happy Birthday"... Read More
Over the last 20 years, vaccinations have generally been started... Read More
You might think the most important bit of dog health... Read More
So you're getting a Rottweiler puppy? Here are some general... Read More
Why does one breed appeal to a person over another?... Read More
Tips to getting the right GoldfishGoldfish are a temperate breed... Read More
Just like children, westie puppies learn through play. Playing games... Read More
Distemper: Spotting This Dog Killer Before it's Too LateCanine distemper... Read More
Just as humans allergies can show up as a sneeze... Read More
You love your dog. You would do anything for your... Read More
It's important to understand your dog's sleeping habits and how... Read More
If your life is so busy you literally only have... Read More
"Dogs have owners; cats have staff," and I have worked... Read More
What makes something news? The fact that you take good... Read More
Losing a family pet can be a traumatic experience, especially... Read More
Thinking of getting a pet for your little ones? How... Read More
Many people think cats are asocial, but in fact they... Read More
The Story Continues... Following the first of many visits to... Read More
Caring for your dogs teeth is a vital part of... Read More
Your local grocery store is chock full of food and... Read More
Are you thinking about dog obedience school? Do you know... Read More
Cat arthritis is not a very common ailment among healthy... Read More
Thunder storms affected pets differently. Some hardly notice them, others... Read More
I am a dog lover by nature. I have just... Read More
Are you irritated by your dog's drooping ears or your... Read More
Do you have at least one framed photo of your... Read More
You Must Be The Alpha DogFirst, let's take a look... Read More
If Your Dog Suffers From Arthritis, Consider The Natural Alternative:Rimadyl... Read More
As much as you love the sound of your new... Read More
Uh-oh, it's that time again. The dreaded vet visit, and... Read More
The holidays are a wonderful time of year, full of... Read More
Purebred dogs of all breeds can be found in shelters,... Read More
The 4th Of 6 Keys To Building A Life Long... Read More
Our pets depend on us for their every need, including... Read More
Making our lives better includes protecting our families, and also... Read More
Many parents know that the best way for children to... Read More
While excitement and anticipation will be at the top of... Read More
Pet |