Christmas Mourning

Deecember is a cruel month. Christmas sales, decorations, advertisements -everyone seems so happy and cheerful - it's easy to feel alone.

It's precisely at these happy times that the loss of our loved one can be felt the strongest. We remember only too well who is missing.

Whether our loss was recent or whether it occurred many years ago, we are constantly surrounded by sights and sounds that trigger memories of holidays past, and wracked with dreams of what might have been. Holidays involve expectations about getting together with family, about special meals or special gifts, and special traditions. Even when we find a way to cope with everyday life, the holiday season brings a renewed sense of these dreadful feelings of grief.

No matter how much we surround ourselves with the closeness of family and friends, it's impossible to forget the memories of past holidays when our loved ones were here. And impossible not to wonder what the present holidays would be like if our loved ones had not been taken from us. What can we do?

Plan ahead

Sit down quietly and think about what you can handle comfortably. Pin down those traditions which are really important to you, which ones you can scale down and which ones you could skip entirely.

Change or Modify

Change can make things less painful. Do you routinely cook the traditional meal ? Will this be something to distract you, to keep your mind off your sorrow ? It may be too much work, or too much pain ... if it's too much - it's perfectly okay to say so and let someone else take on the traditional task.

If you normally travel at Christmas consider staying home. Or if home has too many sad memories, think about getting away somewhere for a day or two.

Avoid excessive self-medication

Don't use alcohol or over-eating to cope. Too much food or alcohol only makes you feel worse. This is no time to shortchange yourself by self-medication on alcohol.

Let people know

Tell your friends and family just what you can, and can't, do. You'll find that others are only too happy to take over some of your tasks, or to assist you in those you choose to keep. Talk about the person who has died. Others often avoid mentioning your loved one's name in an attempt to avoid hurting you, so be honest with them and teach them that its a lot more painful not to talk about your memories.

Ceremonies

Commemorate your loved one with a special Ceremony. Make them part of your traditional holiday celebration by including them in your family dinner - lay an extra place setting, light a special candle, make a small speech and raise your glass in a toast. Children could write the loved one a letter to place under the christmas tree or the main decoration you normally have for the holidays. Get a new ornament in memory. Plant a tree. Start a new tradition.

Do something for others

You may find comfort in doing something for others. Take the money you would have spent on a gift for your loved one and donate it to a charity in his or her name.

Susanna Duffy is a Civil Celebrant, grief counsellor and mythologist. She creates ceremonies and Rites of Passage for individual and civic functions, and specialises in celebrations for women. http://celebrant.yarralink.com

---

Halloween Costumes...for Pets!

One of the best things about Halloween, is wearing a... Read More

Keepsake Christmas Album

Do you hate throwing your Christmas cards away every year... Read More

Holiday Promotion Tips

Are you ready for Mother's Day? Yes I realize it's... Read More

Cheap Christmas Gift Ideas

Now that the biggest shopping season of the year is... Read More

Animatronic Halloween Props - Cardboard Carpentry

One of the most inexpensive ways to create stonewalls in... Read More

9 Fantastic Formulas for a Stress Free Holiday!

The holidays are officially here. And so the season for... Read More

The Only Way to Turn New Year Resolutions Into Reality!

So you ate, drank and spent too much over the... Read More

Simplify the Season

Let's take a look at a typical Christmas To-Do list:... Read More

Set the Mood- Halloween Decoration Ideas

When Halloween comes around and you want to throw a... Read More

Mothers Day: 5 Gift Ideas Guaranteed To Make Any New Mom Happy

Sure, you can call it a Hallmark holiday. But don't... Read More

Birthday Flowers

Birthdays are one thing you can count on. We all... Read More

Creative And Inexpensive Gift Ideas

I have a friend who works at a loan company.... Read More

Hassle-Free Holiday Baking: 6 Easy Days to Perfect Christmas Cookies

Like many people, I love the idea of making a... Read More

Advantages of Online Greeting Cards Over Paper Cards - Part II

So, let's review a little what we said in the... Read More

Contact Lenses for Halloween

It is never too soon to begin planning the perfect... Read More

Tribute to Dad

Father's Day should not be the only day that we... Read More

Find Great Halloween Costume Ideas! Have The Most Creative Costumes This Year

Usually, the hardest part about Halloween is finding the perfect... Read More

Gypsy Fortune Teller Halloween Costumes ? Easy to Make

As a little girl I often loved to dress up... Read More

10 Reasons Santas Broke This Year

1. Santa Spends More Than He MakesSanta's paychecks are nothing... Read More

SALOME and HERODIAS, A Curious Mothers Day Story, Part 2 of 2 Parts

First, a disclaimer:This article requires information about John the Baptist,... Read More

5 Tips to Reduce Holiday Depression

While war and poor economic conditions begin to affect people... Read More

Home For The Holidays: Happy Times, Right

This time of the year is supposed to be happy.... Read More

Making Mother?s Day Special

How many times have you heard a friend say about... Read More

Ultimate Army Themed Games & Activities for Your Childs Birthday Party

Are you looking for the Ultimate Army Themed Party Games... Read More

Home Made Gifts, The Best Way To Teach Your Kids The Value Of The Holiday

To a large extent the holidays have come to be... Read More

Advantages of Online Greeting Cards Over Paper Cards - Part I

After some recent reports it seems that 90% of all... Read More

Traditional VS. Modern Anniversary Gifts

Most people are familiar with the traditional materials list that... Read More

Romance on a Budget

Valentine's Day is often synonymous with lush velvety looking red... Read More

Fitness Tips On How To Avoid Gaining Weight During The Holiday Season

This holiday season don't be trendy ? avoid the Seasonal... Read More

Outdoor Halloween Decorations

Few things are more thrilling for a trick-or-treater than walking... Read More

Give Presence Not Presents

Throughout the year we have many gift-giving opportunities to show... Read More

Fathers Day Origins and Inspiration

While mothers have had their special day since 1914, fathers... Read More

The Origin of the Christmas Tree

Have you ever wondered why we decorate a tree for... Read More