Deecember is a cruel month. Christmas sales, decorations, advertisements -everyone seems so happy and cheerful - it's easy to feel alone.
It's precisely at these happy times that the loss of our loved one can be felt the strongest. We remember only too well who is missing.
Whether our loss was recent or whether it occurred many years ago, we are constantly surrounded by sights and sounds that trigger memories of holidays past, and wracked with dreams of what might have been. Holidays involve expectations about getting together with family, about special meals or special gifts, and special traditions. Even when we find a way to cope with everyday life, the holiday season brings a renewed sense of these dreadful feelings of grief.
No matter how much we surround ourselves with the closeness of family and friends, it's impossible to forget the memories of past holidays when our loved ones were here. And impossible not to wonder what the present holidays would be like if our loved ones had not been taken from us. What can we do?
Plan ahead
Sit down quietly and think about what you can handle comfortably. Pin down those traditions which are really important to you, which ones you can scale down and which ones you could skip entirely.
Change or Modify
Change can make things less painful. Do you routinely cook the traditional meal ? Will this be something to distract you, to keep your mind off your sorrow ? It may be too much work, or too much pain ... if it's too much - it's perfectly okay to say so and let someone else take on the traditional task.
If you normally travel at Christmas consider staying home. Or if home has too many sad memories, think about getting away somewhere for a day or two.
Avoid excessive self-medication
Don't use alcohol or over-eating to cope. Too much food or alcohol only makes you feel worse. This is no time to shortchange yourself by self-medication on alcohol.
Let people know
Tell your friends and family just what you can, and can't, do. You'll find that others are only too happy to take over some of your tasks, or to assist you in those you choose to keep. Talk about the person who has died. Others often avoid mentioning your loved one's name in an attempt to avoid hurting you, so be honest with them and teach them that its a lot more painful not to talk about your memories.
Ceremonies
Commemorate your loved one with a special Ceremony. Make them part of your traditional holiday celebration by including them in your family dinner - lay an extra place setting, light a special candle, make a small speech and raise your glass in a toast. Children could write the loved one a letter to place under the christmas tree or the main decoration you normally have for the holidays. Get a new ornament in memory. Plant a tree. Start a new tradition.
Do something for others
You may find comfort in doing something for others. Take the money you would have spent on a gift for your loved one and donate it to a charity in his or her name.
Susanna Duffy is a Civil Celebrant, grief counsellor and mythologist. She creates ceremonies and Rites of Passage for individual and civic functions, and specialises in celebrations for women. http://celebrant.yarralink.com
For most people that don't enjoy wearing messy makeup, Halloween... Read More
This time of the year is supposed to be happy.... Read More
"Well, Happy Birthday! How old are you anyway?""Oh, I'm just... Read More
There are as many as eight possible Valentines Day origins... Read More
When I think of Valentines Day I think of Chocolates... Read More
When Halloween comes around and you want to throw a... Read More
Now that the biggest shopping season of the year is... Read More
Chinese New Year/Lunar New Year (January/February)It is usually in the... Read More
It is 7:45 a.m. in Port Moody, British Columbia Canada,... Read More
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas and the... Read More
Creating a gift closet is a wonderful way to plan... Read More
Memorial Day is May 30th this year, are you ready?... Read More
"Here's to the bright New Year, and a fond farewell... Read More
Ok, the end of October is approaching, and you desperately... Read More
1. Santa Spends More Than He MakesSanta's paychecks are nothing... Read More
"Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind."... Read More
The holiday season is a wonderful opportunity to allow your... Read More
Lifestyle is style over amount. And style is an art... Read More
If you were asked to name 10 reasons why you... Read More
Fun, though they are intended to be, The Holidays can... Read More
Today one of my clients is throwing one of her... Read More
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday! Family, friends, good food ?... Read More
If you are like me and are a very lousy... Read More
It's the holiday season, and the first thing that comes... Read More
Most people mistakenly believe that Mother's Day is an invention... Read More
I was not planning to write this article. Instead, I... Read More
How to develop and heighten rapport on Valentines Day beyond... Read More
The Holidays are coming and children have thought long and... Read More
There are countless Halloween masks available today. At Halloween specialty... Read More
Choosing a dolphin lover gift may not be as easy... Read More
Can you believe that Thanksgiving is only a few weeks... Read More
Here are 7 classic kid birthday party game ideas that... Read More
Are you ready for Mother's Day? Yes I realize it's... Read More
Mr. Incredible and Elastiwoman to the Rescue. The Incredibles based... Read More
Fun, though they are intended to be, The Holidays can... Read More
In a word, yes !Labor Day, which started in 1882... Read More
Choosing a birthday gift for a friend about to turn... Read More
Wonderfully simple to do and oh so impressive!You don't need... Read More
I was not planning to write this article. Instead, I... Read More
This weekend as we celebrate Father's Day, take an opportunity... Read More
Just as soon as the stores put away their Christmas... Read More
Bunnies & chicks, colourful eggs, and the hunt for hidden... Read More
My good friend, Rae, just called and suggested having a... Read More
Plan ahead this year for your corporate clients and associates... Read More
Patty Lovelace Country MusicVerse #1 Through the back window of... Read More
Is there really a Santa Claus? Any parent who hasn't... Read More
If you*re like me, the holidays always have a way... Read More
Thirteen years ago I became quite intrigued with the idea... Read More
The majority of people find themselves carrying additional fat once... Read More
This time of the year is supposed to be happy.... Read More
Now that the hot weather is finally here, we are... Read More
It's impossible to remember what gift is traditional for each... Read More
When it comes to holiday greeting cards, to send or... Read More
The Holidays are coming and children have thought long and... Read More
Make these quick and easy crafts with your children for... Read More
"It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that... Read More
Electric Christmas lights have been around since the 1880's. It... Read More
It's not only the candy that puts smiles on kids'... Read More
Traditionally Christmas ornaments were bulbs of all the same color... Read More
Have you ever thought what you would have done without... Read More
Christmas is always the time of year we consider to... Read More
Throughout the year we have many gift-giving opportunities to show... Read More
Selecting the right gift for a special someone is sometimes... Read More
Who doesn't love being a clown? It's a great costume... Read More
Thanksgiving is the time of year when we stop and... Read More
Even with modern technology like email and cell phones, printed... Read More
Holiday |