Italics Part 2 - Using Italics to Show Thoughts

Way back in your early school years, you were probably taught to use the tag "he thought" in your stories, to tip readers off that someone was thinking. If you substituted something more innovative, like "he pondered" or "Harry deliberated", you might even have scored a big red tick.

If you liked to read as well as write, you probably cottoned on to the fact that there are other ways to indicate thoughts - such as using italics. (It's not likely that a teacher pointed this out to you. Usually, teachers considered their job done once they'd taught you about "he thought".)

Great! Off you went, liberally sprinkling italics all over your stories to show what was going on in your character's head. Occasionally you might have used italics AND "he thought". No way the reader could get confused then!

Neither of these two methods is the best way to show thoughts.

The single most effective way is to show what your characters are thinking is to blend their thoughts into the narrative flow. Instead of moving into the present tense, stay in the past tense. (Unless your entire story is in the present tense, of course.)

Let's use a few examples to show the difference.

Using The Present Tense To Indicate Thoughts

Chris slowly descended the stairs, all senses alert. What if someone attacks me? I won't be much use to Laura if I'm dead.

He stopped on the bottom tread, holding his breath and peering into the gloom. Over in the far corner, something moved... or was he imagining things? No, something did move. Chris was sure of it. He swallowed. I wish I had stayed at home. What's wrong with this? The constant switching from past to present tense and from third person to first person is annoying to the reader. The "flow" is much smoother if the tense and person remain the same - unless clear signals are given to the reader. In this example, the writer has not even used a simple tag, "he thought", to prepare the reader.

2. Using The Tag "He Thought" Chris slowly descended the stairs, all senses alert. What if someone attacks me? he thought. I won't be much use to Laura if I'm dead.

He stopped on the bottom tread, holding his breath and peering into the gloom. Over in the far corner, something moved... or was he imagining things? No, he thought, something did move. Chris was sure of it. He swallowed. I wish I had stayed at home. This is an improvement. Now that we've inserted "he thought", the reader has clear signals. They're prepared for the change in tense - they know that most thoughts are in the present tense.

Tip: When you use the tag "he thought", try to get it as close to the beginning of the thoughts as possible. Note in the example above, I've written:

No, he thought, something did move.

NOT

No, something did move, he thought.

This is because readers commonly take in chunks of text when they read, rather than reading one word at a time. The closer the words 'he thought' are to the beginning of the thought, the clearer the signal to the reader that things are changing.

3. Using Italics Chris slowly descended the stairs, all senses alert. What if someone attacks me? I won't be much use to Laura if I'm dead.

He stopped on the bottom tread, holding his breath and peering into the gloom. Over in the far corner, something moved... or was he imagining things? No, something did move. Chris was sure of it. He swallowed. I wish I had stayed at home. The use of italics is another clear signal that we are reading someone's thoughts. They are a valuable tool - if they are not over-used. What you are reading here is just a small sample of text, but there are quite a few italics.

Imagine if the character did a lot of thinking. (Which is probable. Most of us are thinking all the time as we go about our daily business.) In every second paragraph there would be another sentence in italics.

So, some of you may be thinking... is there really a problem with that?

Yes, there is. Italics are used for other purposes apart from to show thoughts. Some authors write page after page of italics to show a dream, or put the whole prologue in italics. Italics are often used for emphasis, too (as we saw in Part #1 of this article). If your readers see italics, they may subconsciously give more emphasis to those thoughts than you'd intended.

A good rule of thumb is this: Use italics for thoughts that are especially significant in some way - or such strong thoughts that you want to see them emphasised in the mind of the reader. This might happen at times of great stress or fear for your character.

Now we'll move on to the best, least intrusive way to show a character's thoughts... blended into the natural flow of the text.

4. Blending Thoughts Into the Narrative

Chris slowly descended the stairs, all senses alert. What if someone attacked him? He wouldn't be much use to Laura if he were dead.

He stopped on the bottom tread, holding his breath and peering into the gloom. Over in the far corner, something moved... or was he imagining things? No, something had moved. Chris was sure of it. He swallowed. He wished he had stayed at home. As you can see, in the final example, the flow of the narrative is not interrupted by changes to tense or person, tags like 'he thought' or use of italics. The reader is not disturbed in any way... but we are well aware that we are deep in Chris's viewpoint, and we 'know' what he is thinking.

If you wanted to emphasise the fact that there was indeed something moving, and that Chris was scared, you could include italics for one sentence: No, something did move. You would keep it in the present tense, because it's almost like Chris vocalising a thought... as though he were talking to someone else. In this case, your final version would read:

Chris slowly descended the stairs, all senses alert. What if someone attacked him? He wouldn't be much use to Laura if he were dead.

He stopped on the bottom tread, holding his breath and peering into the gloom. Over in the far corner, something moved... or was he imagining things? No, something did move. Chris was sure of it. He swallowed. He wished he had stayed at home. In the end, it's up to you. You're the author. You know how you want the reader to interpret your words. Just keep telling yourself: "Make it smooth!"

(c) Copyright Marg McAlister

Marg McAlister has published magazine articles, short stories, books for children, ezines, promotional material, sales letters and web content. She has written 5 distance education courses on writing, and her online help for writers is popular all over the world. Sign up for her regular writers' tipsheet at http://www.writing4success.com/

---

Starting a Freelance Writing Career (or Thoughts About Taking the Plunge)

Nike's ad has taken on new meaning for me of... Read More

Sell More Books With a Powerful Back Cover

Did you know that your back cover information is, after... Read More

How You Can Become a Certified and Profitable Proofreader

A certified proofreader is one that has taken a few... Read More

The Cost of Being a Writer

You are the only one who knows what being a... Read More

Beginnings

Just about everyone is familiar with this beginning: "In the... Read More

The Writing Game

There are a lot of tapes and books and CD... Read More

Benjamin Franklin: His Ageless Writing Tips

If Ben Franklin were alive today, he would be...uh, very... Read More

Top Seven Ways to Write your Print or eBook Fast

Want to write your book? But, need a blueprint on... Read More

Whose Story Is It?

Whenever you sit down to plot a story (or even... Read More

Writing About Writing

What am I going to write about?Which topic is the... Read More

Pairs/Groups Of Words Often Confused - Part 5 of 6

PASSED, PASTPassed is the past tense of pass. Past means... Read More

Stimulate Your Sensebuds...and Wave Goodbye To Writers Cramp!

When you get stuck for ideas, and the words won't... Read More

Put a Spin on Your Idea!

Eight or nine times out of ten, picking up and... Read More

Good Writing

Good writing is like sex. Two people are involved ?... Read More

When Getting Stuck Goes Amuck

Many of us have always wanted to write. We have... Read More

Screenwriting ? The Value of Structure

Structure in the form of frameworks, work processes and goals... Read More

The Top Five Mistakes That Companies Make with Regard to Technical Documentation

I've seen it time and again. One of the most... Read More

Web Writing: Create Writing Flow With Four Uncommon Connectors

Connectors -- conjunctions, punctuation, and transitional phrases -- allow readers... Read More

How to Create Incredible Characters Easily

Creating incredible characters can be easy if you know of... Read More

Untrue Father (A short Story)

Kallu was a tenant of Santosh Kumar Nayak. Santosh Kumar... Read More

Does Your Story Have A Theme?

Creative Writing Tips ?It should.A theme is a one-line explanation... Read More

How to Pitch a Story

Ever wonder why we refer to convincing an editor a... Read More

On Writing and Poetry: Harry Calhoun in Conversation

"This is just brilliant. The whole interview is incredible? I'm?... Read More

8 Tell-Tale Signs That Forecast Writing Success!

'Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented... Read More

10 Secrets For Writing Killer Complaint Letters

Complaint letters aren't always fun, but sometimes they need to... Read More

Italics Part 1 - Do You Need to Use Italics?

Next time you're tempted to use italics for emphasis... STOP!"Why?"... Read More

How To Become a Freelance Grant Writer

What is a freelance grant writer? These individuals have a... Read More

Get Your Writing Reviewed by Major Publications for Free

All Writers need the press, especially new writers. As a... Read More

Get An Attitude About Your Writing

(This excerpt is taken from my new writing workshop Writing... Read More

Discover the Magic of the Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

'Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always... Read More

Hero?s Journey ? The Herald

Beyond three and four act story structure, lies the Hero's... Read More

Cheap Therapy

I call it cheap therapy. That gushing, near-religious, poured-from-the-body stress... Read More

New Authors Publishing Options

All your publishing options are as follows:--Conventional publishing--Vanity or subsidy... Read More