Gracefully Accepting Feedback a Key Employment Skill

With the long-term trend of protecting employees' individual self esteem added to an overriding concern over expensive employee lawsuits, accountability is more a buzzword than a way of life at most companies.

This is a state of mind that has existed since the 1960s, so the average employee has never received real quality negative feedback -- the kind of feedback that might help startle him or her out of career-dashing behavior and toward a more lucrative and successful work life.

Smart employers realize that people are their only sustainable competitive advantage. Companies hiring this year will be looking for people who are highly capable in their fields of expertise and who energize the other people with whom they work. This will hold true for traditional employees as well as independent contractors who will continue to make up a larger and larger part of the workforce.

Don't wait for this new world of employment, prepare yourself now to get the feedback from others that will help you develop into the powerful person you can be. First, begin to change the way you feel about receiving feedback. Listen to the messages you get from those close to you: your spouse, children, close friends, other family members. Write them down and consider them as food for thought. Begin to analyze common pieces of feedback objectively and develop ideas about what you might do if you wanted to change their perceptions.

A key factor to remember about all feedback: it is one opinion coming from another individual's unique perspective. It is up to you to consider it thoughtfully, compare it to other feedback you have received and do something positive with it. It is impossible for us to see ourselves as others see us, but very important that we don't allow these blind spots to jeopardize wonderful opportunities.

Here's a system for taking in feedback for maximum benefit:

  • When receiving any feedback, listen without comment, looking directly at the person. When they have finished, don't make any statements, but do ask questions if you want clarification. Don't accept, don't deny and don't rationalize. Because we are rarely taught to give feedback well, you will often get feedback when the giver is angry about something in the moment. Quality feedback may be emotional when it touches a heartfelt issue, but it is not abusive. If a co-worker's critique gets to this point you should ask to stop the discussion and have it at another time when cooler heads prevail.

  • Recognize the courage it took to give you the feedback and consider it a sincere gift intended to help you grow. Thank the giver for feedback - make it short, but something you can say sincerely, such as "You've really given me something to think about, thanks." It is hard to feel real appreciation when you hear negative messages about your behavior, so it is important to have simple words of gratitude prepared ahead of time.

  • Immediately write down all you can remember of the feedback, recording as many words used by the giver as possible. Allow yourself at least 2 days to process the information, taking no action to change your perceived behavior. Watch what you do and how other react to it. After a few days, go back and look at your original notes. Take out the emotion-packed words and look for the basic message.

  • Know that feedback can be tough to receive, even if we solicit it and are grateful for it. Although it is simply another's perception, it can shake up your feelings about yourself. Plan to do something nice for yourself when you know you are facing tough feedback. Try to do something that bolsters self-esteem - dinner with friends, or engage in an activity that you are particularly good at.

  • Discuss the feedback with friends or others whose opinions you respect, but ask them not to react to the message. Tell them you are only looking for sympathy for the difficulty of going through a rigorous self-development process, but that you don't want them to agree or disagree with the feedback. It would be normal to want to invalidate negative feedback, and to get others to help you, but you will lose what may be a critical grain of truth if you do.

  • Use feedback in a positive way as soon as practical, not with the giver, but with others. Over time you may even want to tell others to lightly remind you if you slip back to old ways. "Jack, I don't want to bug you, but you asked me to remind you if you started to get behind on those reports."

    You are ready to receive feedback when you:

  • Want to know yourself as others see you and you are clear that this is their perception, not necessarily what is true about you inside.

  • Trust your co-workers to care enough about your development to risk giving their opinion.

  • Have a place outside work you can talk it through.

  • Have opportunities for additional feedback so you get validation of the changes you have made.

    Things you can do now to get more feedback at work:

  • Find out if your employer has a 360 degree review program or is willing to allow you to work with your human resources department to develop a feedback program tailored to you.

  • Look back at old performance reviews and see if there are common comments you can use.

  • Consider hiring a personal development coach to give you alternative methods of getting feedback, such as personality testing.

  • Decide to use the feedback to get a promotion or change career direction so that you have a reason to get involved in the process.

    As you get to know yourself better, feedback will become less painful. You learn how to put it into a larger perspective and how to allow it to help you achieve your dreams.

    About The Author

    Jan B. King is the former President & CEO of Merritt Publishing, a top 50 woman-owned and run business in Los Angeles and the author of Business Plans to Game Plans: A Practical System for Turning Strategies into Action (John Wiley & Sons, 2004). She has helped hundreds of businesses with her book and her ebooks, The Do-It-Yourself Business Plan Workbook, and The Do-It-Yourself Game Plan Workbook. See www.janbking.com for more information.

    jan@janbking.com

    In The News:


  • pen paper and inkwell


    cat break through


    Believing in a Better Lifestyle

    How many of you have ever thought about the link... Read More

    Success In An Ever Changing World?

    Well, it's that time of the year again. No, I... Read More

    Extend Your Influence Without Shortening Your Life

    Please repeat these four words out loud: "Maximum Impact....Minimal Touch"... Read More

    Identify and Remedy Work Addiction

    Work addiction is an unrestrained, unfulfillable internal demand for constant... Read More

    Natural Laws of Success

    Jim Rohn wrote in his book The Five Major Pieces... Read More

    Gratitude, Faith, and Clarity of Purpose -- The Most Powerful Statement

    "Things might have been worse"This is the most powerful, dynamic,... Read More

    Success Through Clear Dreams - I Do Not Want To Lie On My Death Bed Saying I Wish I Had Done That

    Many UK citizens want to settle or retire in Spain... Read More

    The Secret Weapons of Success

    There are two things that will determine your success or... Read More

    Reach Your Goals - Using Eastern Wisdom

    Take a page from Eastern wisdom Meditation, martial arts that... Read More

    Think of Wealth and Become Wealthy

    Our thought are magnetic ! Like a magnet we attract... Read More

    How To Deal With Change

    It is often said that the only things in life... Read More

    How Close Is Your Fortune?

    A farmer in Pennsylvania decided to sell his farm, but... Read More

    Set Your Mind For Success

    Did you know you can literally program your mind so... Read More

    How a Biscuit Taught Me a Priceless Lesson in Life

    There are no two greater ironic comparisons than that of... Read More

    Reach Your Goals - Never Settle For What You Can Currently Imagine

    Never settle for what you can currently imagine You are... Read More

    Success Means Never Ever Giving Up

    Persistence is the foundation of success. Although there are many... Read More

    The Story of Big Jim

    The power went out. Again!I looked out my second story... Read More

    The Power of Your Subconscious Mind

    "The reason man may become the master of his own... Read More

    Your Telephone Voice Makes Your Success

    We speak every day without fully recognizing the impact our... Read More

    Success Analysis - The Concept of Critical Mass

    How many times have you thought about being successful, famous,... Read More

    Tools for Constructing the Road to Success

    Too many times in the pursuit of our dreams, we... Read More

    The True BMI of Success - What is the True Definition of Success?

    The TRUE BMI of SUCCESS (B)e a (M)illionaire (I)ndexWhy am... Read More

    Patient Persistence Pays Off in a Big Way!

    Energy and persistence conquer all things. - Benjamin FranklinThough Ben... Read More

    Career Management and Life Planning Tools: Eight Powerful Questions About Your Future

    "Most people don't plan to fail. They just fail to... Read More

    Success After Failure - Even Genghis Khan Lost Some Early Battles

    Both the worst and the best of the great achievers... Read More

    Catching the W.A.V.E.s of Greatness

    Greatness is all around us. From Oprah to Bill Gates... Read More

    Perseverance is the Ability ...

    "Perseverance allows you to get back on track when you... Read More

    Masterminding Your Way To Greater Success

    Napoleon Hill coined the concept of the mastermind alliance in... Read More

    Top 10 Strategies Of Highly Successful Professionals

    Last Thursday evening, I was the guest of a group... Read More

    Finding Time For Success: Important Vs Urgent

    If you have a choice each day in the tasks... Read More

    The Imposter Syndrome - Do You Feel Like a Fraud?

    There is a disquieting trend emerging among women particularly -... Read More

    People Are Who They Want To Be

    Choice isn't always a matter of being able to choose... Read More

    The Reasons Why We Fear Success

    In the book, The SHOCKwealth System?, it is discussed that... Read More