There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!

Q: I'm curious. What is the dumbest business question you've ever been asked? -- Norris W.

A: Shame on you, Norris. There is no such thing as a dumb business question. OK, that's not exactly true. There are dumb business questions and I do get quite a few of them. Not through this column, of course. People intelligent enough to actually use a computer and surf the World Wide Web would never submit dumb questions now, would they. OK, that's a lie, too. I've gotten a few head-scratchers in response to this column. You know who you are, but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.

I have a confession to make. Writing an advice column, whether it be advice for love or money or business, is often hard to do with a straight face. Occasionally a question comes over the digital transom that just makes me go, "Huh?"

It's kind of like trying to stifle a giggle when Grandma breaks wind at Sunday dinner. Some things are just better left ignored.

Of course it's hard to blame a dumb business question on the dog.

I've been writing advice columns for a long time. Most of the requests for advice I receive are sincere and intelligent, and as a (usually) sincere and (somewhat) intelligent columnist, I feel obligated to dispense the best advice I can for the betterment of the person who asked the question.

However, once in a while a real stinker hits the old email box and it takes everything I've got to resist shooting back an answer that is worthy of the question asked.

In other words, when I get a dumb question, my gut reaction is to respond with an answer of equal intelligence, or the lack thereof. Something subtle, like, "Forget business, my friend. The best thing you can do for mankind is to go find a pair of sharp scissors and run? really fast?"

Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest. Greater words of wisdom have rarely been offered before or since.

Then I remember that as an advice columnist I have a duty to my reader, my editor, my publisher, and above all, to my family, who enjoys eating on a regular basis. There aren't too many openings for smart aleck writers anymore (darn that Dave Berry), so I bite my tongue and respond to the question as intelligently as I can. That usually involves requesting more information from the reader so I can offer an informed answer. It's not as satisfying as firing off a sarcastic retort, but it is much better on the old bank account.

Since you asked the question, Norris, I feel obligated to give you an answer. What is the dumbest business question I've ever been asked? I'll let you decide.

The following are real questions from real people that are running around loose among us. If you recognize your question please don't be offended. This is all in good fun and remember, ridicule is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Here's a question I get at least once a week: "I have never been in business before, but I think I'd be really good at it. Can you tell me what would be the best business for me to start?"

Hmm, how about one that involves the Psychic Hotline, since that's who I will have to consult to answer your question. I don't know anything about you, your background, your abilities, your talents, your experience, or anything else. How can I possibly tell you what would be the best business for you? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?

Here's one of my favorites: "I need to make a lot of money really fast. What business should I start?"

You need to make a lot of money fast, huh. No problem. I have one word for you, my friend: counterfeiting? Somebody hand me an umbrella. It's raining stupid in here.

Here's an oldie but a goodie: "I have a killer business idea, but I don't have any money. Do you ever invest in businesses or just give advice?" Unfortunately, I only invest in non-lethal business ideas, so I'll have to pass on your killer idea. Thanks for thinking of me, though. This window is now closed?

And my all-time favorite: "I have a great product that nobody wants to buy. How can I make customers buy my product."

How can you make a customer buy your product? Piece of cake, buddy boy. Try using the same method I use to make my kids mind. Threaten to put your customer in time out if he doesn't buy something from you right this second! Don't make me get up and sell you something, young man?

I could go on, but I think the point is made. Keep those cards and letters coming, boys and girls. It's readers like you that make this job so darn interesting.

Here's to your success.

Tim Knox

Small Business Q&A is written by veteran entrepreneur and syndicated columnist, Tim Knox. Tim serves as the president and CEO of three successful technology companies and is the founder of DropshipWholesale.net, an online organization dedicated to the success of online and eBay entrepreneurs.

Related Links:
http://www.prosperityandprofits.com
http://www.smallbusinessqa.com
http://www.dropshipwholesale.net

---

Write An Effective Job Proposal

I am simply amazed at the problems some of my... Read More

Why the Over Regulation on the Franchising Model?

Franchising is the fastest way to build small businesses, provide... Read More

Small Business Support Equals Survival

Support is critical for your small business survival. You may... Read More

Buy a Flower Shop: Serious Considerations

You've always liked flowers and you think the idea of... Read More

Earn More Money in Your Small Business by Creating a PIG

If you really want to earn more money with your... Read More

Why Small and Medium-Sized Businesses Should

As the owner or an employee of a small-to medium-sized... Read More

Effectively Completing the Operations Plan Section of Your Business Plan

The Operations Plan is a critical component of any business... Read More

Starting Your Small Business

Where do you find more customers?How do you compete with... Read More

Is Brick and Mortar A Passing Fad?

Q: Is the online world the best place to sell... Read More

Promote Yourself More Successfully

One of the great challenges for independent professionals and small... Read More

How To Ruin Your Business

If you're like the rest of us, you've spent a... Read More

A Gift Basket Home Business is an Easy Way to Wrap up Profits

You want to know more about making money with your... Read More

Getting City Contracts; Local Government Contracting

All cities have a purchasing office and/or a procurement officer.... Read More

There Is Security in Change... But Use Caution

It has been said that the only constant is change.... Read More

Youll See It When You Believe It - Growing Your Business from the Inside Out

What unspoken message are you sending your clients and customers?... Read More

Australian Workplace Agreements - How They Work For You

The employer / employee relations environment has been constantly evolving... Read More

Eight Ways To Improve Your Companys Cash-Flow ? TODAY!

Cash is the lifeblood of any business. As humans need... Read More

Don?t Wait for the Perfect Plan

1. Don't Spend Too Much Time PlanningWhen you are entering... Read More

Finance Your Small Business: So Much Money, So Little Time

$37.4 million funded from venture capital today. $86.4 million funded... Read More

Survival Tips For Small Businesses

You may be in Mail Order, Direct Mail, or you... Read More

Keep TRACK of your Business Relationships and Gain Profits

How do you know when an alliance needs to be... Read More

Are You Making These Mistakes In Your Business?

You've probably heard the statistic that 95% of small businesses... Read More

Getting Behind in Your Work? You Need a Virtual Assistant!

If you don't know what a Virtual Assistant (or VA)... Read More

Where to Find a Cash Windfall of $10,000 to $1,000,000 -- You Never Knew You Had

There is a rather famous true story called "Acres of... Read More

Accounting Methods ? Cash and Accrual

When starting a business, you have to determine the method... Read More

To Buy Or Not To Buy: Lawn Mowing Business

TRUTH IN THE LAWN MOWING INDUSTRYWe do not wish to... Read More

Politics, Environmental Rules, and Mobile Car Washes

During the California Recall Election, I was very interested. Without... Read More

Forming a Corporation ? Investors

You've come up with the best idea since sliced bread,... Read More

Cash Flow: Why Chaos Equals Poor Cash Flow

Recently one of my customers told me the chaos swirling... Read More

Does Your Business Need a Toll-Free 800 Number?

Should your business have a toll free number for customers... Read More

Racing the Competition

What is the Big Race all about when it comes... Read More

An Example of Business Automation - eCards with pizazz

The last time I spoke and went into a bit... Read More

How to Promote Your Business by Entering Contests

You are probably hard at work promoting your business (and... Read More