Infidelity: How ?My Marriage Made Me Do It? is a Cop-out

Ask someone why they had, or are having an affair and you may hear something like this: "I have a lousy marriage. My marriage is dead. There is no intimacy, no sex, and no excitement. The love is gone. We've grown apart. I can't stand the marriage. There was nothing happening in the marriage and the affair just happened."

These statements are rationalizations and fail to "get at" the underlying issues.

Key points:

1. It's as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it's own. In reality, there is no such thing as a "marriage." One is "married" as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no "marriage," there is no such thing as a "relationship." There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his "The devil made me do it" skit?

2. We idealize "marriage" or "romantic relationships" with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don't help much here. A "marriage" is behind the eight ball from the word go. "IT" can't win.

3. From day one most of us don't have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need 'love 101' and it's not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.

4. If the "marriage" is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, "I'm really unhappy. What I'm doing with you obviously is not working. I want out." Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.

5. If the "marriage" is bad, obviously, I don't have to look at me. I can blame "it" or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don't know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.

Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the "marriage," don't buy into it. The "marriage" is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.

The "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, go to: http://www.break-free-from-the-affair.com

Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach, has helped hundreds of couples over the past two decades heal from the agony of extramarital affairs and survive infidelity. Visit his website at: http://www.break-free-from-the-af fair.com/cmd.php?ad=139627

---

The Pros & Cons of Beach Weddings

Beach weddings are popular but they do present "special issues".Failing... Read More

Cheap Wedding Invitations

Every couple has different priorities when it comes to budgeting... Read More

A Guide to Wedding Invitations

The wedding date and time has been set, the location... Read More

How Is A Professional Wedding Designer Different From Other Wedding Vendors Who Do Event Planning?

Often when you are looking for wedding vendors who suit... Read More

Are You Fully Present in Your Marriage?

"Presence is more than just being there," states Malcolm S.Forbes.... Read More

Make Your Honeymoon an Everlasting Experience

Honeymoon is the most wonderful time of every couple's life.... Read More

Exotic Island Wedding! Where Dreams Truly Come True in Paradise

As a travel professional considering an exotic island wedding was... Read More

Wedding Dresses - What To Wear

You have begun to plan your wedding and you want... Read More

An Inexpensive, Yet Beautiful, Wedding: One Brides Story

Most girls know by the age of 12 what kind... Read More

How to Save Money on Wedding Photography

All brides want that one photograph that perfectly captures the... Read More

How To Fight Cultural Differences In Marriage And Stay Happy

When people plan to marry, they expect to find in... Read More

Weddings Abroad ? Does Paradise Come At A Price?

For some couples, jetting off to their dream location would... Read More

Saving Money on Your Wedding Reception Using Reception Themes

Just like weddings, receptions are often theme based as well.... Read More

Marital Fulfillment: Tips for Intercultural Couples

Through my personal & professional coaching practice, marital issues often... Read More

Like Sand Through an Hour Glass

Symbols! Weddings are full of them. Exchanging rings. Exchanging roses.... Read More

Beautiful Balloon Wedding Decorations

Need a quick idea to dress up a mediocre wedding?... Read More

Want to Get Married in Las Vegas?

Only in Las Vegas can you find everything for your... Read More

What Is A Destination Wedding Dress?

Just as destination weddings are fast growing in popularity, so... Read More

Understanding Celtic Wedding Rings

Thousands of years ago, the Celts, a group of independent... Read More

Wedding Loans: Perfect Finance Option for a Perfect Wedding

After seeing each other for years and being tagged as... Read More

6 Ways to Save Money on Wedding Invitations

Inviting your possible guests on your wedding day can be... Read More

Save the Date Etiquette: Everything You Need To Know

Save the Date Cards are announcements that inform your guests... Read More

Wedding Centerpiece Ideas

Everybody who has decided to marry wants their day to... Read More

7 Stupid Wedding Mistakes Even Smart Couples Make

"What in the world could they have been thinking?"Definitely words... Read More

Outdoor Wedding Ceremonies ? Keeping Your Guest Comfortable

According to a survey conducted in 2003 by Bride's magazine,... Read More

Celebrate With Butterflies ? The Flying Flowers

Make your upcoming event the most memorable ever by adding... Read More

How To Hire A DJ For Your Wedding

Hiring music entertainment can arguably be the most important booking... Read More

Wedding Planning: Benefits of Online Wedding RSVPs

Want to manage your wedding guests with style and ease?... Read More

Mexico Honeymoon Vacations

Mexico, a country rich in arts and ancient cultures and... Read More

Building Your Marriage: Some Thoughts From St. Paul

These verses of Scripture from St. Paul are commonly used... Read More

Wedding Reception Entertainment - Choose Wisely

When planning your wedding, what type of entertainment are you... Read More

Wedding Insurance ? Peace of Mind for Your Perfect Day?

With the average cost of a wedding around £17,000 you... Read More

Now You?re Engaged, How Do You Choose A Mens Wedding Ring?

So, you've just got engaged.Whether you are a man or... Read More