Oops! I did it again!
So you are licking your wounds. Your relationship came to a bad end. Your fairy prince turned into a swine. The romance that started magically in your dream castle ended up in a grotty sty. As for your swain, well, he ended up smelling of a number of things; but roses was not one of them.
Naturally, your confidence has been dented. Somewhere along the line your judgement was a bit skewed on that one. But you are not going to let it put you off men for life. Besides, you are the kind of woman who needs to have a man in your life.
It is all about learning from the experience, you reflect. So you take a long, hurt look at the relationship and you decide how you want the next man to be different. Maybe you will try looking for someone who is the opposite of your previous partner, or maybe you are looking for someone to sweep you off your feet and make it all alright. Either way, things look pretty promising at the start, and then you start getting a whiff of the sty all over again.
Oops! It has happened again. Logic suggests that there is more to this than simple coincidence. Now you start to feel concerned. What do you have to do to stop falling for bad men from turning into a habit? Is there a way to avoid these pratfalls in the future?
The single most powerful thing you can do to protect yourself from further heartache and confidence-bashing failure is to acquire self-awareness. You need to start becoming aware of the patterns that you keep repeating in relationships; the patterns that keep attracting the wrong men.
You may enjoy playing the little woman, but resent being dismissed as a fluffy airhead. You may want your partner to be the masterful type, yet resent feeling controlled. The strengths you are looking for in a man, may be an attempt to compensate for your own shortcomings. You may want a man to propel you out of your dull, routine existence into a more exciting world.
One big problem women have with relationships, is that they work on their assumptions. Now, there is a vast gulf that separates intuition from assumptions. Intuition is that instantaneous, inexplicable nugget of information that lands in your lap. You can choose to act on it; or ignore it, at your peril. Assumptions are the expectations that you hold of your partner, irrespective of the evidence.
Assumptions are also curiously hardy creatures. They can be proved wrong time and time again. Yet, instead of questioning the assumption, the temptation is blame the person who has disappointed your expectation. You say: He should have known: He should have done¦ I should not have to spell it out.
It would all work perfectly if your partner had a degree in mind reading. Unfortunately, he does not. Neither do you, although you may sometimes act as if you did have. The next most accurate way to have a clear idea about what is going on is to ask questions, and keep asking.
Some of the questions you might ask yourself include:
What characteristics (not physical features) do I find attractive in him?
Are these the same characteristics I responded to in previous partners, at the start?
Does this person take charge of the relationships?
Are there niggles that I feel, but do not actually discuss with him?
Does he have a past history of people not appreciating him? Do you?
Does he overstep boundaries by foisting opinions on you?
Does your body go into stress mode around him, ever?
Do you feel that things are starting to move outside your control?
Is he moving events on faster than you might wish?
Can you incorporate this person comfortably into your existing lifestyle, or do you have to drop people to accommodate him?
Most of us seem to treat relationships like a hot tub at the end of a hard day's work - something that looks good when we are feeling tired and grubby. So we dive straight in. We do not test the water temperature too carefully. We do not check for broken glass, baby alligators or other unforeseen hazards; because we assume they will not be there.
Generally, we exercise some thought and care when we purchase a household pet. Do you honestly take as much trouble to acquaint yourself with the needs and requirements of a prospective partner? Or do you simply plunge headfirst into the relationship? Is that another of your unhelpful patterns? Acknowledging it is the first step on the road to kicking it.
(C) Annie Kaszina 2004
Annie Kaszina
Joyful Coaching
An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie is passionate about helping women attract the relationships they want. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com Websites: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com, http://www.anniekaszina.com To Order Annie's book 'The Woman You Want To Be': http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
In part one, we looked at the importance of remaining... Read More
I'm often surprised by the number of people who are... Read More
Cyber dating is one of the most popular dating venues... Read More
Are you a lonely man?When was the last time you... Read More
Conversation starters can literally save your life on a first... Read More
There is a simple online dating secret that can save... Read More
First dates cause anxiety and thoughts of disastrous and embarrassing... Read More
All I wanted was to fall in love and live... Read More
Google: (GOO.gul) v. To use an Internet search engine such... Read More
How many times have you felt the urge to impress... Read More
Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been... Read More
Food in teeth, nausea, childhood stories and exposing your pot... Read More
Step #1- The first impression. Before you approach a girl... Read More
Valentine's Day was initially an outgrowth of an ancient Roman... Read More
"A Tsuyama singles scene?" scoffs single Mimasaka resident Hiroyiki Matsuda.... Read More
When it comes to online dating many people think that... Read More
Familiar with the economics theory of scarcity ? Here's a... Read More
Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More
The rate of new love and marriages is rising as... Read More
You should show a tolerant and open-minded attitude towards many... Read More
"If music be the food of love, play on". So... Read More
For a while now I've been wondering why some women... Read More
We know one of the hardest part of creating your... Read More
How often do you find yourself wishing you could find... Read More
So the search for the perfect relationship is tuff. You... Read More
Okay, so you wanted to know what your boyfriend or... Read More
I hear it over and over-"It was going so great,... Read More
"When you truly look for me, You will find me."... Read More
The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience... Read More
It sounds like something out of a fairy tale. She's... Read More
Unfortunately, what you do with your hands can be one... Read More
"There is a time for everything, and a season for... Read More
As the UK Online Dating market keeps on growing day... Read More
It's very important to learn how a single woman acts,... Read More
If you're about to leap into dating personals and don't... Read More
Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been... Read More
Have you seen a dating site? Would you want to... Read More
Like any other society, Latin culture is one that is... Read More
So the search for the perfect relationship is tuff. You... Read More
"When you truly look for me, You will find me."... Read More
Generally the most important step when dating someone is the... Read More
Halle Berry voted as one of the most beautiful women... Read More
Do you think online dating is only for the young... Read More
Standing at the magazine rack thumbing through Cosmo, she has... Read More
You don't need a guitar, rock-hard abs, or even a... Read More
Looking To Meet Women? Craving Female Company?Well, you've come to... Read More
One of the most frequent questions I am asked is... Read More
Oh, no! Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year's Eve are coming,... Read More
The feeling that you need to impress a woman usually... Read More
Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So... Read More
Online dating is a great way to contact and meet... Read More
Every woman has a fantasy from the time she was... Read More
All relationships are clearly not meant to be. Only a... Read More
Did you know that experts say the way people treat... Read More
Do you know everything about Russian women that could help... Read More
Surely you remember that famous line from American Pie, when... Read More
Well, I have decided to move forward once again. I... Read More
Remember Jerry Hall, the model who married Mick Jagger? Jerry... Read More
Close your eyes and imagine this romantic setting: an intimate... Read More
For a while now I've been wondering why some women... Read More
Here are some common sense safety tips for meeting your... Read More
Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to... Read More
It's another Friday night and I'm bored as sin. There's... Read More
Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse... Read More
In order for a typical woman to have sex with... Read More
Just recently, I felt ready to experience change in a... Read More
Dating |